Discouragement/depression - a ramble

As you know, DH has now been SAHD in our home for 4 weeks while I work. We really like it. Of course there's ups and downs but we've decided that it suits our family so well that we'll do it again next year.

However DH is going up and down with his attitudes towards being at home. He LOVES being home-based and having the more 'relaxed' pace and being able to arrange himself to do whatever he likes (there's so much to do but there's so much freedom in organising his day). He LOVES spending time with his girls too.

He HATES how the housework never ends. I absolutely agree with him! He gets up, gets it all done, goes to bed, and the next day is like Groundhog Day. All over again!! He also HATES how all the activities I have the kids involved in (e.g. mainly music, puzzle library playgroup) are women-based and there are no guys there - and a bit sick of conversations about bras LOL (that was his words!)

Mostly it's an easy thing to sort out. I suspect that next year he will drop music in favour of bush walks and he may still do puzzle library but not stay for the playgroup - go to the library every week instead (there is a small play area at our children's library, it's not a stuffy old library). But the housework thing is bordering him on depression. He has struggled with depression in the past - not ever to the point of a doctor but to the point where he procrastinates over doing something and closes completely into a shell for a week or more.

This is where I'm struggling. I've been helping out with the children, and dinner if he wants me to, and housework as well, but if he's feeling discouraged about it all I'm never quite sure how to handle it. I'm going to look around some bookshops tomorrow at lunch break. I want to help him but don't know how. Most of it just needs to be that he does it anyway, every day up to date, and then it won't look so bad. And he can then concentrate on the more exciting things of SAHD-ing instead of always having the housework looming over him. But he has to come to that point by himself. In the meantime I can help out with housework but I don't want to come across as doing it all for him because that won't be all that helpful in the end either!

He's depressed but not in a medical sense cause he is flipping up and down (about on a weekly rotation at the moment) so strategies more than meds are what he needs. But how can I support him best?

Have you guys considered.. or can afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? Like maybe have a cleaner come in for an hour or two on Monday or Friday or something like that? that way hes not doing all the housework every day.. I'd get sick of housework every day too. The only housework I do every day is the washing hehe

Music is great motivation! I find I don't notice the time passing (or how boring it is) when I've got music on

Some home help would be a fab idea if you can afford it (might have to consider it myself!).

With both of us working it is one area that gets us down, I totally understand how it seems to be never ending and sometimes you can barely keep on top of the day to day stuff!! And it was like that when I was at home too!

As someone else suggested, I think letting him know that you appreciate what he is doing is a fabulous idea but also letting him know that you understand when things don't get done...after all you've been there too, it can be so hard!!!

Can you split the housework so each of you is responsible for different areas? Like for us Hubby normally looks after the cooking and bathroom and putting away the our washing, I look after the office, kitchen and living room. Together we do anything else that needs to be done.

What about having some sort of plan - routine for cleaning, so he feels like he is not cleaning all the time.  I get up at 6.45am, and normally able to enjoy the rest of the day by 9.00am, that is with three kids. 

Good luck team...

I can highly recommend getting a cleaner in. Its the best money we have spent! She comes in once a week for 3 hours and means then its only washing and the occassional vaccum for the rest of the week ( plus the annoying end of day tidy up). We don't have our bubba yet but have budgeted for the cleaner to continue when we do so that we both stay sane!

fleury wrote: I've nothing much to add, except he sounds like all the other mums with their frustrations of never having enough time to get all the jobs done.

yep...welcome to a SAHM world... I think that the mundane stuff is why there arent a lot more SAHD's about ...

cant help sorry, cause i hate the drudgery of it all too...

GandT wrote: fleury wrote: I've nothing much to add, except he sounds like all the other mums with their frustrations of never having enough time to get all the jobs done. yep...welcome to a SAHM world... I think that the mundane stuff is why there arent a lot more SAHD's about ... cant help sorry, cause i hate the drudgery of it all too...

And that is why I admire SAHM's, I just don't do the drudgery thing, I get bored too quickly! More power to those who do it every day!

I say go the cleaner (if you can afford it). Even when we were on the bones of our butts in between when I finished work and when the gremlins were born I still scraped together the $60 a week to pay the cleaner coz it is a top priority!

Yea I think it was diydads or diyfathers but I haven't ever been able to find it I had written it down but it didn't work

I've told DH that Plunket has some SAHD groups, I think the problem there is that he's such an introvert! LOL.

At the moment the girls help him by telling him whose clothes are whose. It's so funny when he thinks they are wrong and checks with me, and the girls are right... again

Lissy you do well to have everything done by 9am! I had that too, I think he'll get there in time he just hasn't got the pace yet (fair enough, only a month!)

Thanks for all your replies. He's feeling a lot better as of last night (and doesn't know anything about this thread). It's just something that gets on top of him from time to time and then he bounces back - which is why it's more discouragement than depression IYGWIM.

Oh Choice!