This is so hard to say, but

It's been 3 months on October 11 since we went on the waiting list for IVF, which, in theory, means our wait is now down to around 6-9 months.

I don't want to do it. IVF.

Perhaps it's just the downtime between the specialist's advice that this is the way it is for us, or perhaps it's the fear of what is to come and how bad it may be. Or, if it doesn't work.

I suppose I feel as though I have come to terms with infertility, and I've built my life and I feel like I've moved on. I've come so far from those dark days where it was all almost unbearable.

I almost feel like I've lost my desire to have children, and yet I adore my nieces and nephews and wish I could take them home in my handbag every time I see them. I can't understand why I don't want to do this.

And yet, last weekend, DH was doing something highly embarrassing (can't remember what) and I said that our children are going to be so ashamed of us being so uncool, and he just gave me a hug and said "Cool. We're going to have kids".

A friend said to me that it's just normal upheaval, and I'm just reminding myself of that. She said to think back to when I first came off the pill, and it's just that anxiety all over, slightly skewed because of the circumstances. I hope she's right.

Maybe I can just steal a kid (that hasn't had too much sugar, obviously) at the gremlins birthday on Sunday and then I won't have to worry about it

Thanks for listening.

Edited by ginger

ginger wrote: Maybe I can just steal a kid (that hasn't had too much sugar, obviously) at the gremlins birthday on Sunday and then I won't have to worry about it Thanks for listening.

I have 2 free to a good home!!! not hyped on sugar but one has an attitude and the other has reflux so take away!!! and yes we will be at the gremlins birthday for free grabbing if you want!! lol


on another note - im sure most people who are faced with IVF have the same worries and mind changing i think its just normal nerves I wish you lots of luck for the months ahead and IVF

ginger i like what smoody said...

i think that we all go through stages like that when it comes to life changing things like babies, marriage, major upheaval in living situations etc... so in that respect what you are feeling is normal. I dont understand anything about IVF however but do know that age is on your side with respects to that and there is the possibility of success or failure, same as doing it the old fashioned way... i think the unpredictability of things like this doesnt help as it will always leave you wondering "what if"? I dont think that you should make any decisions about the future of IVF at this present time but it might be a good time to check out the other options too.

Ok thats my deep and meaningful...

now i have two boys so i possilby might not miss one if you accidentally put him in the car on sunday...

Bug Hugs!

One thing is for sure...fertility issues and treatments are very emotional. We had unexplained fertility isseus and had to use clomiphene to conceive Elle. I remember having exactly the same feelings as you. In our case, my feelings were a self-protective mechanism, i.e. I was so scared that the treatment wouldn't work so I convinced myself I didn't want it and that I didn't want kids.

I think a full gamut of emotions are totally normal when going through something like this.

If I may make a suggestion...allow yourself to feel all these emotions and work through them patiently. It could be that IVF isn't for you, or it could be that you are just trying to protect yourself from hurt by not wanting to try it.

Hang in there and feel free to post / pm anytime if you want to talk through all these thoughts and feelings.

ginger wrote: Ooo - it'll be good to meet you! No need to worry about wearing carnations ... I'll be the one wiht ginger hair

hehe il be hunting you out now for a babysitter

HUGS!
From everything I have read that you have ever written on here I just think you are amazing.
Hang in there and take care.

You are more than welcome to have my grumbly little pumpkin hun, and she does have a wee soft spot for her Aunty Ginger

Yum Ginger, I've just been eating chocolate pudding!!

Big hugs, I'm sure this emotional upheaval is very normal, like what most of the others said, and I've had it in the same way as Helen said. I think most people get the same thing after the BFP strikes as well - oh wow what have we done, are we really ready, well too late if we're not, etc... It must be so hard to prepare yourself for the possibilities of IVF and yet still try to protect yourself and all that.

i relly dont what to say sooo heres a big hug oh and if you are so inclined you can come down south and steal james for a while (sorry for the spelling mistakes lol)

Oh no, my poor arms BBS is a bit of a lump these days! I'll just have to remember the thing about the lines on the bottle this time so I don't drown her (I suppose though, it's vaguely progress from trying to suffocate her - at least she's got a fighting chance with bottle-related drowning!)

Two Blondinis - Quite right! I imagine that when I am up at 2am with a cholicky (sp?) screaming monster, and I haven't slept for five days, I won't be moaning about the time I had to wait ... I'll be wishing it'd taken even longer!! (oh, and I don't get to pee in private now anyway - usually a dog busts down the door and rests its head on my knees for an ear scratch TMI, I know!)