Counsillor

I have no advice, not being from Chch, but didn't want to view and run. Big hugs to you and well done for taking this first step, you are stronger than you know.

Sorry also not able to help.

Good luck with your future

Hey,

Sorry your going through this, but well done on making the first steps - admitting you want to leave is the hardest step.

There is a couple of good ones that we used in my old job that were really good - just depends on if you want to pay, go during the day/night etc?

Also you could ring the Womans Centre.

It is NOT right and you do need to get out now - believe me been there done that. Huge hugs to you, you will get through this and you WILL come out a better person.

So let me know what sort of time you want and also if your willing to pay and I will let you know who we suggest.

Hugs hugs and more hugs

First of all....

Admitting that all is not ok is the first step to taking back control of your life. A controlling person takes over so subtly you barely realise its happening, until you one day notice you've not seen your friends for months, everything is done the way they want it done and nothing in your life is you. You get so used to being criticised, belittled, laughed at, put down, humiliated, it barely registers anymore when it happens. So having the strength to recognise it is a great start.

There are many agencies out there to assist. Relationship Services could be a good place to start (0800 RELATE). They provide low-cost or sometimes even free counselling for family relationship matters. Or you could call LifeLine (0800 111 777) who provide a fantastic over the phone service for free. Also, given the nature of your treatment you could also be eligible for help from Womens Refuge.

You are being very brave and strong. Its going to be a hard time, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Life can only get better from here.....

If you want to chat more, then feel free to PM me. No questions asked

I know through work we us EAP here in chch and Im 99% sure if you go through the courts they can provide coucelling.
Good luck

Hi there,
We used Relationship Services (0800 RELATE) for an issue with DH's family and they were great.
We used the Family Court subsidy too, so 6 sessions were free. You do not have to go with your partner/DH to get the free sessions.
The Chch office is nice and central. Near Cramner Square.
Don't worry, the first time is the worst (you think you'll see someone you know!) after that its just so good to have someone hold your hand through a rough time.
Seeing a professional really helped us a lot (even thougth it wasn't really about us). You'll learn some great skills.
Best of luck!

surfergirl wrote: AND - you are someone special (your fake user name made me sad!)

Ditto to that!

Big Hugs- Good on you for taking the first step and hope it all works out for the best in the end!

I found mine through my GP and womens refuge are also very supportive and helpful with information.

I understand how you feel. My ex was the same and it turned nasty when he bought a gun with the intention of using it on me.

Set yourself up a safety net first. E.g. support people, emergency contacts, caregivers if you need them for the kids, contact the kids schools so they know what's happening etc.

Also important to copy and kind of insurance documents or anything pertaining to joint assets. I got stung badly money wise as he disputed the dates he moved out. I wound up paying half of debts he ticked up after moving out because I couldn't prove he'd already left. I know it's not the first thing on your mind but protect yourself legally if you can by way of documenting all behavior, events, problems etc. You need this information with dates, times and details if you need support from the courts or the police at any point. I couldn't get a restraining order as i'd never gone to the hospital to get the bruises seen to. Write it all down, physical abuse or not, just keep a diary.

Sorry, i'm rambling now. It's just that i've been in your shoes and it is very very scary. You can do it. Making the decision is the hardest part. Now you just need to stay strong to get through the other side.

It's far nicer when you don't have to deal with their cr*p. :)

There's already lots of leads suggested here and I don't have another one to add, sorry, as I'm not local, but there will surely be a good counselor out there for you between all those different agencies. I hope you find one you 'click' with first pop.

I just really want to encourage you, because YOU CAN DO THIS and you won't regret it!! Getting some ideas and some perspective from a professional is an awesome idea, and I sooo think you're moving in the right direction, because you need to take care of yourself and your little one(s), and the best person to do that is definitely YOU.

I've also heard really good things about Relationship Services.