My turn to rant!

I just don't know where to turn.

My mother stated to me recently that that she no longer has a daughter. It is a very long story and I won't go into the details.   Suffice to say, she has gradually cut everyone off and is now pushing me away too. I tried to assure her that I love and value her but she wouldn't hear it. She never calls me or makes contact. She has decided that as DH's mother looks after Gabrielle, that she is totally useless and redundant and may as well stay right away. In reality, DH's mother doens't work, mine does hence why one can look after her during the week and the other can't.

I was hit with this when I called her to say I was missing her and to seek some support. I mentioned that I was feeling quite desperate due to lack of sleep etc and that I've been FEELING like perhaps Elle's issues overtime are indicative that I'm a useless mother. My mother simply said "yeap".

I've been awake since 1am again tonight as Elle has been singing and talking loudly. It is now 5.30am and she has only just gone back to sleep. This is now a normal night for her. I got upset about it and now I can't sleep.

I don't know how to cope with Elle's nightwakings. As most of you know, no professional, doctor etc can offer any help except to say she MAY be on the autistic spectrum. She has no other autistic-like symptoms/traits what-so-ever so those who know Elle find that hard to believe. Most doctors etc have never heard of a child being awake in this way.

We had a good patch sleep-wise and I felt so full of life again. I'm not depressed, during the day I feel hopeful and happy and I enjoy life. BUT when I get no sleep, I get migraines, chest pains and am just thoroughly worried about my child. Gabrielle's recent patch of insomnia has been severe and has been coupled with the appearance of the "terrible twos" so it makes it tough.

Some say I should just sleep through it as she is making happy sounds after all. But in all honesty, this is my child and she is awake for up to 6 hours solidly every night. She is then pale, grumpy and shattered during the day. She has been so tired lately, melting down over everything and wanting to sit, watch TV and cuddle as she is too tired for anything else. I really don't comprehend how anyone could not be awake and concerned when that was going on.

Some say she is "gifted" an understimulated. But what if she is actually over stimulated? How to do I know? Where do I turn?

How do I keep up my work on no sleep? How can I be the best mother I can be with no sleep?

Sorry to rant- the stuff with my mum is really hurting and it makes it harder to cope with the lack of sleep.

P.S I know I am blessed to have a loving husband, an intelligent and beautiful daughter, a home etc so I'm sorry about ranting!

firstly
Secondly forget the Autism, If she is tired during the day from bing awake at night this is not the autism sign, autistic kids can survive on very very little sleep but they tend not to show any side effects from it, same during the day on only a few hours sleep (i am involved with kids with intellectual disabilitites including a few with various forms of autism).
Also ignore what your mother said, she was trying to hurt you. You could write her a letter letting her know that she has hurt you and how, and although she consideres that she no longer has a daughter you will always be there for her. Is there something in her life that is causing her to cut everyone off??
My mom has random moments that seem a lot like this but she also forgets about them in a couple of weeks and continues as if nothing has happened.

Big hugs, but I have friends with children on the autism spectrum who sometimes dont sleep but also I say forget the autism
she could be highly intelligent

She is often not tired after a night of partying but has been a grump lately and seems tired but might not be...

Been to a naturopath type? I'm just wondering if they can come up with anything else? I know you are probably sick to death of trying different fix-alls but it might be worth a try?

And surround yourself with supportive people Fiona. Your mother is NOT your child. It sounds to me like she is suffering depression but you will not be able to deal with it if you are feeling a bit tired and weak yourself. She needs professional help.

Hang out with people who will have a positive effect on you and Elle

xo

oh and i like what kels said too... wonder if a lavender pillow would help?

Yeah I agree Bizzy but it is harder said than done when it is 1am and you are woken and feel shattered. Night time is dangerous...it is easy to be consumed by things that don't bother us during the day.

And yeap, done the naturopath and done the lavender :)

you have to decide what is more beneficial to her - a mother who is awake in the night worrying about her being awake - or a mother who has had enough sleep to deal with her. if you sleep while she is awake in the night it doesnt mean you dont care about her but that you are putting your energies elsewhere.

as to your mum, you have to prioritise and at the moment you and elle are top of that list, not her.

Cut and paste in high agreement with Biz.

My two cents.

Ok. First up, this might sound a bit harsh, but here goes anyhow.

I have been through this with Jacob and offered advice many many times to you, but I'm not even sure you read my answers. Trust me, I have been there.

Forget the "labels", Atuism, etc. That dosen't help YOU at all and dosen't fix the problem.

Heres what you need to do.
You need to get some sleep during the day if you can. Get someone to take Elle for a few hours so you can get some sleep. Even one hour would be beneficial. early afternoon is best and dosen't leave you hungover feeling at tea time. If you can't fdo this during the week, so it at the weekend.

Go to bed early a few nights a week if you can to "store" sleep up. not particually fair on hubby or yourself, but if you need to sleep, you need to sleep.

Take the getting up and worrying in shifts and the one whos turn it isn't sleeps in another room with earplugs.

Get your MIL to have her overnight once in a while if you can.

Take turns at the weekend for a sleep in. The gettign up partner (the one who wan't up all night) takes Her out for a few hours so the other can sleep.

beleive me, when you are desperate, some fo these ideas help. Notice I haven't suggested anything to do with Elle. Mr Doctor (quite harshly) told me that it was MY problem, and not Jakes, as he seemed ok with the long periods of sleeplessness.

It was worst from about 2 till about 2.5 years old Now he sleeps much better, and more often than not we have all night sleep from him. We do stil have awake nights though, but thankfully after a few nights like this he gets back to normal, or I send him to grans for a night.

Try to stop worrying about it. It does sort itself out eventually. I have gone from surviing on about 4 broken hours sleep a night to getting about 5 unbroken hours, and more often than not now, some on either side of that.

And as for your Mum, sounds like she is thrivng on the attention. Just don't buy into it if you can help it.

Good luck.

Ah mothers... aging drama queens.... got one of them, too... however she has gotten heaps better now we ignore or laugh at the dramatics. Stressful though!

OK ONE POINT I WANTED TO SAY IS:

Autistic Children ARE intelligent!!!

I say this as people keep saying she is intelligent and mentioning austic like they aren't

Edited by AnnC