for the SAHMs - does ur DH do housework??

sorry this is long but please bare with me...

OK so i have had a few days to calm down but anyway the other day i had a heated argument with MIL.
It all started when DH and i were playfighting amoungst ourselves (we are big kids! thats what we do!!lol) and he was joking about my cooking being takeaways and my response was "haha well your meant to cook cos i cant" to which DH laughed THEN! MIL jumps in with her snarky voice and says "excuse me!! he works all day!!! he doesnt have to come home and do anything! he should just be able to relax!" .....yadayadayada as the morning progressed she made alot of snarking remarks about my housekeeping and how i sit at home and do nothing but drink coffee!! amoung other things that i cant be bothered mentioning because they are not irelevant to my question.......

SO anyway we jump in the car to head home and i just burst into tears!!!! like a blubbering idiot (preggy hormones!!!!) and DH is confussed!!! he is so use to his mothers manipulitive behaviour and if they front up to her she doesnt talk to them for MONTHS!! so hes just gotten use to brushing things off as jokes but hell man that was not funny!!!!!

So i have spent the past few days wondering if im the only SAHM in the world that expects DH to help out...now dont get me wrong i dont ask much - ocasionally i ask him to get astin into his jarmies or make a bottle and DH usually cooks tea (cos i cant cook for crap!) and maybe empty the dishwasher some nights.
Im studying as well so im not just sitting around doing nothing!!!

AM I ASKING TOO MUCH??? WHAT DOES YOUR DH DO AROUND THE HOUSE??????

My DH does FA, however he also knows better to moan when the house is a tip and tea is rubbish cos he gets to do it himself otherwise. Also, sometimes I prefer to do it myself cos he does it wrong and it bugs me that I get mad that its wrong when really I should be happy that he helped at all!
However, he does help alot at the weekends and does the garden, lawns, maintenence etc, hee also cooks a big roast sunday nights and steak on thursdays.

I ge that to, so I remind him that I do his washing, folding, cooking and keep the kids clean and fed and happy. And I often find that if I actaully "do nothing" for a few days, he gets the point pretty quick...

I don't know why some people think males shouldn't have to do anything around the house! Don't they use the shower & toilet too?

When I first moved in with my (now) DH his brother was living here too - and we each took turns at cooking & whoever didn't cook was on dishes.
This has continued now that it's just us. Now that I'm home with DD I do tend to cook more often as DH often gets home late as he's a farmer, but then I hardly touch the dishes so that's fair!

Also he works at least 1/2 of each day on most weekends, but if he's not too busy I ask him to pick 2-3 things around the house that he wants to do, and I do the rest. Also he'll hang nappies, clothes etc out if he sees them in the basket. Oh - and he does all his own washing too! I do all mine, DDs, sheets, towels etc.

I think you should tell your MIL to wake up to modern day living! My Oma thinks it's hilarious that my DH takes turns to cook and does all his own washing but I think it's fair - as you say it's not as if we sit around and do nothing all day!!!!!!

Oh and we're practically neighbours - I see you live in Kawerau, we're in Te Whaiti (close to Minginui, up from Murupara). I have "issues" with my MIL too - aren't they fantastic !!!

Ok so I am a little old fasioned I do expect DH to help with the kids eg nappies PJ's bath etc, he does not have to do clean washing etc. He does cook cause he get's home earlier enough from work to do so and he would rather eat his cooking mine sux. Oh and he does have to help tidiy toy's. I think what ever work's for your family is the right thing to do. My dh would never clean wtc as I like it doen so I prefere he leaves it to me.
As far as your MIL goes what a B*&^%! . It is so none of her bisness.

My DH does some housework, he'll put away dishes if they are there, he does the rubbish, mows the lawns, gives Ivy baths and will help tidy the place up when it needs it.
For the most part though I guess it's me - he'd never complain if something wasn't done because he knows he has it sweet and he'd get that 'well, you're more than capable of doing it yourself' response as well! lol If I don't do the dishes for a couple of days he'll take the hint and do them, and if I ask him to help with something he always will which I appreciate.
I've been 'running' a house for so long now that it's kind of second nature - even when I was working full time, and flatting with a bunch of randoms I'd still do the bulk of the work, it's just a bad habit I can't seem to break. Now that I'm not working I don't mind so much, and he always really appreciates what I do and would never accuse me of doing nothing - hell I've got Ivy to run around after and he knows he couldn't do that full time! lol

I see things from the "Dads" perspective, as I work and DH looks after Isabelle and the house ...

And, I must confess there are days when I have said "What do you do all day?" .. when Ive walked in the door and then have to clean up and cook

Now, when DH worked and I stayed home he did help out with the dishes, rubbish etc .. and now I work I help out (mostly cooking and tidying up), however I do feel that the house is "his domain"

I dont think its unreasonably either.  DH gets up before me so he empties the dishwasher adn tidies up after himself for breakfast.  I then get up and get Tom up, feed him etc.  During the day I try to get washing out and some part of the house clean but lately I have decided that some days my sleep and rest is more important and if DH  had a problem he is more than welcome to do it himself.

 

DH used to do all the cooking.....he likes it, its his wind down and I was usually too exhausted.  However now that we are eating with TOm at 5.30 I have had to step up in this one.  It is totally ok though for me to either decide what to cook....and tell DH when he gets home what HE is cooking or give Tom something simple and leave it for DH to cook us a later meal.  I try not to push my luck and do it too often.

 

I do most of the housework, but DH does the garden and the rubbish.  He baths Tom most nights as I struggle to lift him in and out of bath (sometimes I like to be with TOm while he baths so DH will put him in and go and watch the news and then come and get him out when I call). 

 

DH will hang out washing or even put a load on if it needs doing.  He will also do anything I ask......although he may "forget" and I have to ask again. 

 

Last night I was saying how I am struggling to keep up with it all and I need more help around the house.  He was fine with that. 

 

The way I see it is that I have more opportunity to do stuff around the house as I am there....but its not "my job" its just stuff that needs doing and if I left it to the weekend DH would do more...but I like to have the weekend to ourselves without cleaning.

Ahh.. MILs. Mine MIL is the same (actually its nana-in-law) She believes men should not have to lift a finger too. She B*tches about all her daughters in laws and how they make her sons wash up or comments on how we feed our husbands. Dh has lost a lot of weight and thinks Im not feeding him well!

DH plays the perfect husband when we go there (Holds Jackson, feeds him his bottle, talks about his 12 shifts and how hard he works) She goes on about how great he is with his son and how hard he works...

Admittedly, mine does a lot. He has obsessive compulsive so things have to be super tidy EVERY night. He will come home and spend an hour getting ready for work (things are folded and refolded again) He does the dishes, the vacuuming (it has to be done EVERY DAY) and will fold the washing.
BUT... he doesnt do the kids. He flat out refuses to do that because apparently they are "my job". He also cant cook to save himself. I make his lunch, his dinner, his lunch on the weekends.

Hes stayed home ONCE when I was sick and took care of the household (didnt get up in the night though nor did he cook tea) and he wont stop going on about how much better the household would run if he stayed at home. ONE DAY. Yes, one day and hes an expert.

And yes he wonders what I do all day too.

My DH used to do everything when I was pregnant and when we both worked.....but then he got sick of it(fair enough) and then I did everything:(

now we have Ethan he's an all or nothing person..if he cleans it will be the entire kitchen and it will take hours...lol not a little at a time!:) so I do all washing(I make most of it) and vacumm every day due to E crawling.. and dishes every day(no dishwasher here) ....we don't eat enough home cooked stuff but he cooks 70% of that..so there is that (just made me realise he used to do so much now doesn't do anything) I get sick of rubbish piling up so I do that and he puts it out.. he does outside stuff and will do anything with E when I ask him and always does the bath etc part of it..

In short your MIL is not being very nice.. my Mum has similar view about the tea issue!! and I think you are being perfectly reasonable.