Inlaws and people who dont know anything

Um, since when does a HRV system extract cigarette smoke from in a dining room to outside?

We were at DHs grandparents and a guest of theirs went outside to have a cigarette. His Nana told her to smoke inside (We were in the room with Jackson) The lady said no, and that she was worried about the baby, and his nana insisted that she smoke inside, and convinced her that the HRV system would get all of the smoke out of the room so it wouldnt harm the baby.
So I leave the room and pretend to change his nappy.

Come dinner time, and his Aunty tries to shove cream and marshmallows down Jacksons throat. I said "Hes not allowed to have that sort of thing" To which she replied "WHY!!!!!!!????" "Why on earth NOT?" (Looks at me as if I am terrible for depriving my child of fat)
I didnt know what to say, apart from that it would make him sick. Then, she decides to give him a spoonful anyway, despite what I had said.
Then she puts him on the floor and tells ME not to touch him, and that he is fine and to eat my dinner.

Then Janaya starts climbing on a guest so I tell her to sit down. DHs aunt butts in and tells ME to LEAVE my kid alone and that shes a GOOD KID. and if the GUEST has a problem with Janaya then she will tell Janaya herself.

I am absolutely sick of them, and I am sick of being the polite one who never says a word or sticks up for myself and my kids. I just wish I had some clever ways of saying things to them. How do you deal with your Inlaws? Anyone ever stuck up for themselves? Im afraid if I do Ill never be able to go there again (Which wont be so bad I guess?)

As kids my brother and I didn't have anything to do with my Dad's parents cause they were mean to my mother. It was their loss not hers.

kaiz231 wrote: Come dinner time, and his Aunty tries to shove cream and marshmallows down Jacksons throat. I said "Hes not allowed to have that sort of thing" To which she replied "WHY!!!!!!!????" "Why on earth NOT?" (Looks at me as if I am terrible for depriving my child of fat) I didnt know what to say, apart from that it would make him sick. Then, she decides to give him a spoonful anyway, despite what I had said.

that would have really pissed me off..if anyone wants to give my child something to eat they ask me or DH first we are the only ones who decide (at this stage) what she can and cannot have

If it was me , being sarcastic and "mean" (others words , not mine)
I would say "ah , yes, I remember the day you gave birth to Jackson , gosh that was a memorable day ...oh wait , that was me " fix them with my LOOK and walk away >

as for Janaya climbing on people and you not being allowed to tell your own child off, grr that really gets to me, my friend has one of the worst , ok , THE worst behaved kids ive ever ever met, and then I found out why , when my friend dares to tell her off, she gets told off , for telling her child off, wtf? all that teaches them is 1) they can do what they want , and 2) they don't have to respect their mums wishes.
So tell them where to go , your the one who has to go home with them at the end of the day .

Actually that raises a q from me .. need to go post topic lol

We moved 535kms away. Life is good. Enough said.

Just tell them to b*gger off. People quickly learn not to cross you. Don't worry about offending people, they'll be too scared of upsetting the apple cart and will do everything they can to avoid upsetting you. Works a treat!! Just be a B*tch :)

lilfatty wrote: They tend to say things like .. oh you would really like this icecream but your mean Mummy said you cant have it .. which used to piss me off, but know I couldnt give a toss

Oh, Ive heard that many a time!

Ive also been harrassed about the rear-facing carseats by them too!
DHs aunt "Why is your carseat around the wrong way? hahaha"
me: "Because Plunket now recommends they are rear facing until 12months old"
DHs aunt "Well my kids arent rear facing and ive never heard that before!"

You'd think a normal Non-Inlaw person would say something like "Oh i never knew that, that would make sense being rear facing".

DH is always sticking up for me and calling his Nana to tell her off. Which i think makes it worse because she then acts like the victim and gets upset and thinks shes being picked on. One aunt doesnt talk to me anymore because one day she pulled me aside when DH was out of the room and gave me a lecture about us getting married and how she hoped it wouldnt end in a divorce! DH told her off.

I used to be very meek and polite for fear of insulting my MIL and only snapped at a couple of things (like when she tried to spit on my baby daughter to make her hair go curly - gosh my disgusted reaction induced some arguments but there was no way anyone was spitting on my baby). 

Then MIL moved in with us and my new tactic was to complain to DH about things and get him to deal with them but that was annoying DH and then one day I got home and heard her telling my daughter off and calling her a pain in the ass for having a toileting accident (nb. her TTing issues started when MIL started caring for her in the afternoons so there's only one person who had a problem IMO and it wasn't the child).  Anyway that made something click for me and I realised that I don't actually care what she thinks of me because my daughter is the most important person in my world and anyone that tries to do anything detrimental to her or that goes against a decision DH and I have made can kiss my ass - we are her parents and we make the decisions.

My issues now are twofold.  Firstly MIL does things like feeding Michaela sweets when I'm not home to stop it and then she brags about how many sweets she ate later.  I'm not sure how to deal with this, I have already threatened to charge her for any dentistry care required but she ignores me so I might take Michaela to the dental nurse and then come home and tell MIL that dental nurse was shocked at the sugar induced decay (not that she has any but hey, I'm not above lying especially since eating sweets in the afternoon prevent Michaela from eating her dinner).  Secondly when she wants to do something and DH and I put our foots down MIL makes little comments about how mean we are, how she let her kids do this or that and how her other kids let their children and then when we still don't budge she sulks - that actually doesn't bother me, I just pretend not to notice and carry on as normal until she gets over it.

On the bright side in 2 weeks Michaela starts kindy 3 afternoons per week so MIL will only have her 2 afternoons per week and in less than 5 mths I'll be on maternity leave so there won't be much opportunity for her to do things behind my back.

Edited by MrsMojo

Quote from Jo

"Anyway that made something click for me and I realised that I don't actually care what she thinks of me because my daughter is the most important person in my world and anyone that tries to do anything detrimental to her or that goes against a decision DH and I have made can kiss my ass - we are her parents and we make the decisions."


so true, I love the way you word things .

This, from Cuppatea, is also very true

"The thing is they don't mind saying what they like to you, so why do you mind saying something to them? "

well said