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anon 
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Joined: 25 January 2009
Location: Auckland
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 Topic: Going it Alone
Posted: 14 April 2009 at 11:47pm |
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I just thought there should be a forum for solo-mums or mums-to-be when I discovered there wasn't....
Just wondered if there were any other mums-to-be out there who are raising their baby on their own or mostly on their own?
My husband and I have been having a very rocky relationship the past few months and he has recently left and I have put conditions on him coming back which I don't know if he will meet or not. So I have a very uncertain time ahead of me and baby and wondered if anyone else was facing this and how you are coping?
I'm hoping mine will just be a temporary situation, but I don't know the future! I don't think I can even consider raising a baby on my own - it's too soon to, and just dealing with being on my own now is enough... but would be nice to hear from other mums/mums-to-be in a similar situation.
Edited by newlywed
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Katep
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Joined: 02 December 2008
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Posted: 15 April 2009 at 8:54am |
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Couldn't read and run. I know that in my first trimester,things were pretty stressfull and not the best between me and DF. Although your reasons are prob way different!
I know a few single mums and they are happy and have awesome children....I can't say I know how they do it, but they do!
Good luck, hope things work out.
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Mum to the Gorgeous Leah!
7 months
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jjands
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Posted: 15 April 2009 at 9:00am |
I agreee with Kate things with DH and I were very lets say stormy in the first and strart of the second tri. I hope it works out for you  you'll get through it no matter what
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bluebird
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Posted: 15 April 2009 at 9:14am |
Personally I found it easier being a single mum then with a useless partner.
Hopefully the break will bring you two closer together and stronger, if not, you can do it! It's so rewarding raising a child, and if you do it with alone then you can take all the credit for the amazing child you're going to have. xox 
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DD1 10/10/04
DD2 10/06/09
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mamanee
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Posted: 15 April 2009 at 3:45pm |
*puts hand up*
Was on my own since Sam was four months old until I met my current partner, who lives in Auckland so I'm still on my own the majority of the time.
Yes, it's hard and bloody tiring, but if you have a good support network of family and friends you will be fine.
As someone else said, I would rather be on my own than have a useless partner which is what I had at the beginning. He hindered my abilities as a mother rather than encouraged them so it was much better for me to be on my own.
Sam is happy, healthy, loved and now has a very positive male role model in his life. My partner is a much better dad than his father could ever be and because his father lives in Australia now, I don't have to put up with his constant harrassment. I can honestly 100% say that my son will grow up a better person away from his father. I had visions of the emotional abuse that I was subjected to being repeated in my son in 20 years time and that is exactly what would have happened had I stayed with his father.
Hope you guys work things out.
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Natalie_G
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Posted: 16 April 2009 at 6:19pm |
Sorry to hear your hubby left, I hope it all works out for you both.
Have a good pregnancy.
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Rachael21
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Posted: 17 April 2009 at 3:27pm |
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I'm a single Mum too but only quite recently. I have to say I find things way easier than having a partner to look after as well. You never know whats around the corner so take one day at a time and don't be afraid to ask for help.
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Kels
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Posted: 17 April 2009 at 4:48pm |
Im a single mum too. Found it so much easier without useless partner, and now my kids get the added advantage at having me all to themselves lol...Ok except for when they are fighting with each other over hahahaha
I hope it all does work out for you and this is only temporary. Take care
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 17 April 2009 at 5:36pm |
Im a former single mum , Caitlyn's dad and I were .....a very short romance (seriously , I prob got preg on the first, i mean , at least 4th , date  ) , we were never going to last , and broke up when I was 7 weeks , (tho telling him I was preg as he was driving probably wasn't the best idea )
Its hard, yeah , and tiring , but its also rewarding , either way , what ever your outcome , i hope it works out for you
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paulainauckland
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Posted: 17 April 2009 at 7:54pm |
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I think the best thing you can do is surround yourself with a support network - friends, family - his and yours!
I've been there, done that and it was the network that got me thru the stressful times.
I would also suggest, closer to the due date, that you sit down and have a frank discussion of what you expect to happen during the birth and next two-to-three months (you could write down your general expectations with the help of your midwife). Maybe at an independant place, like a counsellor (you can ask to be referred at any family court - ten sessions free, don't need lawyer to ask). I don't know if your hubby will be at your antenatal appts but to start off as a united parenting couple (even tho separate houses) can only benefit you all in the long run.
Whew, the end! Whatever happens, I wish you ALL all the best. Feel free to PM me at any time. Hugs!
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Babe
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Posted: 19 April 2009 at 2:37pm |
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I was a single mum to Jake from just after he was born til just after his first birthday. It can be rough as but it can also be enormously rewarding. A good support system is really important - having a parent or buddy stay the odd night to give you a break with baby is massive.
Obviously you're a little way off that and I hope you work things out DH. A supportive, loving partner is a wonderful thing if you're lucky enough to have it, my DP is an entire universe away from what my ex was like!!
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Going it Alone
