going it alone

your local CAB will probably have some great ideas. you will need to talk to winz i imagine about getting a benefit...

for me i would want to make sure that he really did have an affair and not just go on the say so of someone else...but i suppose asking a man straight out is no guarantee of a true answer! you may need to see a solicitor and i know that there is a really great video out there about the impact of seperation on children and how to handle that with them. i am not too sure on where to get hold of that, maybe CAB or a solicitor o the family court will hav that resource available.

 I havent been in your position, but I just wanted to say that I hope that whatever you decide that you are okay, and that things work our for you.

It must be a really difficult thing to go through, and my thoughts are with you.

You could start by seperating your affairs, sorry poor choice of words.
But establishing seperate bank accounts, getting the power and phone in your name alone etc.
If there is debt on his part you can end up being responsible for it.
While I haven't been in this position personally, I have been through this with my SIL as my brother cheated and then left her, its been 3 years and pretty tough on her.
Watching what she's been through and my other friend it can work out and be amicable. In both cases the kids have maintained good relationships with their fathers which is important.

So sorry to hear this

It's a hard one as my ex partner was actively looking to cheat although I've got no idea whether he did or not.

When we separated, I pretty much just took care of everything myself.   I organised to get the domestic purposes benefit, asked them if they would help me with a bond, got myself a nice little place for Sam and I and then once we were settled, I had to go through the IRD to sort out child support and things like that.   He doesn't pay it but that doesn't affect me while being on a benefit.

It's hard not having someone else there, even though my ex was horrible, it's quite a daunting experience being on your own.    To be honest, I have found it empowering, and it has made me immensely stronger than before.

I have to be out the door in 10 minutes so will leave it at that, but feel free to PM me anytime, I might not be much help, but I have been there (on my own) and (dealing with a person who has/might have cheated)

Sorry again that this has happened.

I don't have any life experience to share but I just wanted to say I'm so so sorry that you're having to go through this. It must be absolutely devastating and terrifying.

Big 's

Sorry to hear what you a going through. It is a tough time to try and make any decisions.
I don't know much about supporting yourself financially etc, but the one thing I can recommend is that you talk to your parents/siblings/close friend and let them know. I am sure at the moment it could be quite hard to even say the words, but I am sure the support you get will be worth it.

Big hugs!!

I dont have any advice as I havent been in this situation, but I wish you all the best..

If you are absolutely sure that you want to go, then I guess you need to sit down and work out what you want to take with you, are you sure that you want to leave your home, or is it doable that he leaves? How much money will you have to yourself, once you organise DPB, child support etc.

I would definitely seek legal advice too, then perhaps some counselling for yourself just to help you thru this time.

Hopefully things will become more clearer for you over the next few days.

I don't believe once a cheater is always a cheater. Sometimes yes, but not always.

I imagine the thing to do would be to find out what your financial assistance entitlements would be, consult a solicitor and start considering your financial situation eg. consider what costs and expenses you would be facing on your own. It sounds like jumping the gun a bit to be working out a budget, but I imagine that you're incredibly shocked and emotional and seriously angry, so maybe making lists of debts say, or budgets etc and working out what you'd be looking at may give you something to channel your thoughts onto in the immediate without moving straight into the heavy duty stuff of consulting a solicitor etc.

Of course, that also depends on your husband and his position eg. would you perhaps need to move forward and get an order to occupy so that he has to leave (if say you were concerned that he may take the kids if he thinks you'll leave and take them).

Gah. I wish I could say something constructive ... perhaps I should have just offered up hugs!!!

I do hope you will be ok. I hate to think that whoever you are, you're out there with this without support there for you (yes, you've asked the forum, but it's not quite the same as someone sitting on the couch with a box of tissues calling him a w*nker and keeping the chocolate rolling is it? Or ushering the kids about while you try to process what has happened).