Access arrangements when kid is sick

Hi all I have a question for blended families.

What arrangements do you make when your kiddo is sick?

At present my partner's ex won't let him take care of his kiddo at our house and insists that he can only visit the child at her house when the child is sick

Normally I keep my mouth shut figuring his ex, his kid, his problem. But over the last 3 weeks the kiddo has only had 1/8 scheduled overnight visits.

So that's a lot of visits to the ex's house and on some occasions the child has been kept back as 'a precaution' rather than actual illness.

He hates the current arrangement, as the ex shouts and screams at him , the kiddo doesn't like much either with parental conflict and I'm starting to despise this arrangement as not only do I not get to spend time with my partner, I don't get to spend any time with the kiddo either.

My partner doesn't want to push the issue claiming some contact is better than nothing at all but I feel like this current situation is unsustainable.

I agree that seems rather unfair. Sure if the child is really unwell and has told the mother that they want to stay at home rather than going to Dads I could understand but it sounds like shes playing games.

I'm not in this situation myself and am not %100 percent on the rules but I would assume he has every right to legally stand up and say this isn't working this is my child too and I want my rights as a father acknowledged.

The annoying thing is they do have a custody agreement which stipulates that if they child is too sick to change homes then either party gets make up days.

But unfourtantely these agreements are very expensive and time consuming to get them actually enforced.

My partner spent thousands on legal correspondence with the ex after he finally switched off his phone off except during court-ordered time and one additional morning call to stop having the ex call repeatedly (I'm talking 4 times in 2 hours) and as early as 7 in the bloody morning.

I agree with Mamma2N - if there is an arrangement in place through the courts then legally the ex can't withhold the child. Obviously if the kiddo is really sick then you don't want to make them come over but if its just general sniffles etc then yep I think the ex is playing games.

We have an overnight arrangement with my DH's ex and if she started playing those games I think he'd probably have to call the cops and get the kids removed. Sounds really harsh but we've been through a lot of drama over the last couple of years!!!

Flutterby, neither of them would qualify for WFF as each of them earn way over the threshold.

Well after an evening of you 'better come around to the house now' DP's the ex has finally stormed the kid off to hosptial at 7pm on a friday night over a tummy bug. I sent DP off because if there was a problem, he'd never forgiven himself if she was sick enough to be admitted and he wasn't there.

My money is on her being sent home maybe after some IV fluids but chances are spending hours in a hosptial waiting room after hours are likely to far more damage than spending the night at our house.

The crazy thing is that the ex does have a new partner which I thought might tone her down. It's actually made her worse.

Last night's hosptial drama was really the final straw for me. Sure enough the kid didn't need to be admitted but
because the she was refusing all but the tiniest amount of Electrolytes the maternal family just kept giving her water which she just vomited up so she ended up getting dehydrated. This isn't the first time that the child has ended up sicker because her maternal family hasn't followed through with treatment plans because the kiddo has kicked up a fuss.

But then given the child has been allowed to get to the stage where she will only eat a few items of processed crap if someone hand feeds her and drink from a sippy cup at the age of almost 6 at her mother's house (I nixed both those practices and got her trying new food since I moved in) it is not unsurprising. I hate to think what this child is going to be like when she become teenager if she stays on this track.

DP is in family court at the moment to move up to shared care, personally I think he's being generous given this woman's poor parenting skills and determinaton to cut the paternal family out of this child's life.

Sorry needed a rant.