SAHM returns to work - condescending boss

Hi all,

I've recently entered back into the workforce on a part time basis, and although it was a hard decision leaving my babies I was excited by the prospect... up until recently. My boss and owner of the company is so condescending, quite arrogant and almost goes out of her way to belittle me (in front of my co-workers). I worked for 10 years full time prior to having children and not once have I experienced this kind of behaviour.

The other day for example she was talking about me to another co-worker (literally right beside me). I turned and looked, she then said to me "I'm talking about you, not to you". I was gobsmacked and didn't know how to respond. She goes out of her way to make my day suck!!! She rolls her eyes while I speak at meetings, pfffs at openly at my suggestions - just really unprofessional.

Perhaps I'm taking it personally and should just ignore her but it's gotten to the point where I now dread going to work (even though I love my position).

I feel like I've made a bad decision in returning to work so soon... this is not what I signed up for!!!

Any sugestions on how I might deal with this creature would be greatly appreciated

That is so unprofessional!!
according to this link
http://www.dol.govt.nz/er/solvingproblems/resolving/procedure.asp
Have you got a union you can contact? Im not to clued up on the procedure but i think if you have a mediated talk with her, bring support person with you who can film/tape/write down the meeting and your boss doesnt take proper steps to ensure you have a productive workplace to work at that doesnt discriminate (which this is and bullying) then if you decide to leave you can take her to court and argue compansation. I recommend however if the situation gets worse/ no improvment talk to a employment dispute agency. they will be able to point you in the right direction as well as what to do.

Thanks for your replies ladies.

I think about chucking my job in daily but grrrr I rely on the money it provides. There is another part owner of the company who had pre-warned me of her dryness.

The thing is, she is friendly and cheerful with every other staff member except me. She is everyones best friend (well so it seems).

Union/Employment disputes agency could be a good option. I'll definitely look into this!!!

Thank you

If it were me, I would be looking around for another job so you can resign and flip her the bird on your way out the door!

Not sure what industry you're in, but I would be wary of going down the union/disputes route when you're working in a small business (or any business really) as NZ is so small.. sad but it can make getting another job difficult if you get a name for being a troublemaker that's going to take them to court when someone's being mean. I'm not saying I think that's right! Just that's what would worry me in this situation.

Have you thought about talking to the other owner about how you are being treated? To me that is the first step. Or talking directly to her (not that I'd do that lol)

That sounds awful! What I don't get is that if she is the owner/boss then she also had a hand if not all of it in deciding to employ you. Who employs someone and then spends all there time belittling someone? Isn't that counter-productive? Don't business owners want someone to be beneficial for there business? It sounds more like constructive dismissal to me...

I really feel for you, what an awful way to be re-introduced to the workforce

I would start documenting everything she does...because her behavioral is not appropriate, even if everyone else puts up with it.

Eventually she will push you too far and you will quit. If it does get this far the documentation will help you lay a personal grievance.

Something similar just happened to a friend of mine - and she just quit. Now she is unemployed with a family to support. She really should not have allowed her boss to get away with the behaviour, but she did.

And if you document it then you can take it to the other owner and say 'look, I can handle this and this, but these other things are out of control and something needs to be done.'

I have worked for a b*tch like that, luckily I was one of the ones she loved but the only way I managed that was by sucking up and gritting my teeth when she sl*gged off other staff behind their backs. It's not worth going through the drama of making a complaint, documenting everything and going down that road, she is only going to make your life a living hell. The way I see it your options are either resign or suck up to her, as hard as I know that is to do. You can't reason with people like that.

Thanks everyone!

I have kept a log of everything she has said or done to date and also noted the staff who were witness to this. I haven't been there long enough to develop a relationship with the staff whereby I could dig a little deeper to see how others feel about her. It is a thought though.

The Marketing Manager who hired me believes I'm doing a great job. Bless! Although she (evil creature) is my direct report. Had I met her during the interviewing process... perhaps I wouldn't be where I am today.

However in saying that, I've had a bit of success today. I did not acknowledge her when I arrived this morning and thought that if any communication was going to be had between us then I was going to be quite firm. I've always been quite assertive but having been out of the workforce for so long I think I lost a lot of confidence along the way?

Anyway, she had a run in today with an extremely rude customer and was quite flustered. I approached my boss and said "if anyone spoke to me like that, customer or otherwise, I'd tell them p*** off. You could pay me all the money in the world and I wouldn't tolerate that sh**!" and I walked away (I was shaking too I might add!).

I def wouldn't say this to a customer but had to show her using the customer as an example that I have a voice and won't accept rude behaviour - from anyone!!! I still have my job by the way and for the rest of the day she was lovely!!!! What the hell??

Feeling a little more confident now and I'm not anxious about going to work tomorrow. Let's see what Friday has in store?

Sounds like she's trying to see how far she can push you? If it were me I'd definitely stand up for myself a little more, just let her know that you are on to her, and you aren't going to take any of her crap. I'm also wondering if she feels threatened by you for some reason?

Her behaviour isn't acceptable and I also agree that perhaps you do need to speak to the other owner.. ask if there are any issues with your performance.....etc....