Some questions...

Okay before I even ask my question, I am not trying to start a nasty argument just rather a discussion as I am really curious.

I read and heard so much about mothers here in NZ that are high bend on having a good night ritual right off the bat and it is almost seen as you being a bad mother if your child doesnt sleep through at a really young age.

Most of the moms also seems to be leaning more towards CIO method and lots of comments been made about co-sleeping being really bad and selfish ect.

May I ask do you find that is the general trend?

If so why? Is this from advice from other people? Community? Studies ect?

Sorry me just being curious here and maybe it will explain some of the comments that I get about how I raise my daughter.

And please dont take offence if you do use the CIO method or want a nighttime schedule ASAP and self-soothing from Newborn.

I think it is up to the individual how they raise their child with regards to sleeping, but I intend to try and use a routine as soon as possible. I have a good friend who raised her three children using the baby wise method and they all slept through the night within about 7 weeks. They are now 2, 6 and 8 and are wonderful well behaved well adjusted children, who still enjoy a routine. For me a routine is important as we run our own business and I need to get back to the office as soon as possible, and I think a routine will aid me with that. Of course I am keeping an open mind and realise that this may not work out for me, so then I will do whatever works! As I said though, I don't believe there is a right or a wrong, as long as it's done with love, I think each parent must make their own choice.

It is interesting. For me personally, I know life will be easier if we are able to get bubs into a routine, so that is the way we will try to go. Of course it is my first bubs, so i may be dreaming - lol! This will suit us, our lifestyle, me probably returning to work etc. it won't suit everyone!

With co-sleeping, I have very little understanding of it, when I first read about it I was surprised as all the cot death stuff I have read is of course anti co-sleeping. My neighbours co sleep with their bubs and did with their first and can't speak highly enough of it. It isn't for us and that is cool.

My view is that only a family knows what is best for them. It is like breast v bottle and disposable v cloth realy!

BTW - what does CIO mean?

Doh - cry it out, of course. Well, from what I have seen with some routine things, there are ways to establish routines without going fully into the CIO method, that routine style is my first choice - i guess we will find out in a few weeks how well it works!

The general idea I get from mothers (of preschoolers) is that they would all love their babies to sleep through asap! but it's still most common for them to wake at least once a night until 6mos+. So people get quite excited when someone else's baby sleeps from early on

But... there has been a lot of bad publicity (via new mother's packs, mws, hospitals) when you're having a new baby, about co-sleeping. I don't know anyone who co-sleeps with their baby, I guess those who do co-sleeping keep it quiet because it's seen as so bad/risky etc, I guess it's a bit like tummy sleeping/SIDS in people's minds.

Well yeah, I guess a lot of people bend the truth a little when it comes to things like sleeping through the night, tummy sleeping, and co-sleeping as it is seen as "bad".

I say that's the effect of Plunket.

i think that there is a mainstream parenting philosophy based around let them cry, dont pander them, put them in a cot, dont breastfeed past 6 mths etc.... Plunket certainly helps perpetuate this parenting style as do a lot of popular baby "experts". basically i think that it is more a fact that NZ's parenting styles havent changed since our mothers and grandmothers day and if you look at the majority of plunket nurses they are our mothers ages.
there is a lot of people who are into attachment or alternative parenting, but plunket nurses arent generally and a lot of mainstream parenting groups arent either. then of course there are the people like you who do a lot of attachment parening type things but just dont label what they do.

I think a lot of it is culture based, I know while we were in Japan, friends weer surprised that Jake went to sleep at a reguklar time, rather than waiting until he was tired. Because it is so culture based, a lo has just been handed down from parent to parent. I'm a big believer in that each kid is different and you should do what is right for them. Witrh my second I kept saying "but Jake..(did it this way)" until my mum said "But he isn't Jake!" We don't often do CIO unless I can tell that they REALLY need sleep, more than anything else - and that nothing I do will help.
as for co-lseeping, once again, Japanese are VERY keen on this idea and several woman asked when I said that Jake was in his own bed, if I worried that he would be upset without me - grow up lonely or seomthing! Funny how other cultures do things!!!

I personally find alot of first time mums put alot of pressure on themselves and each other about the sleeping thing. I know I found it with my coffee group after I had Jake. Thing is, and this, once again, is just my opinion, little babies aren't made to do routine or sleepig through the night at a young age. You find yourself natrually getting into a routine around the 6 week mark, I think. I do love routine, though, not a fan of keeping them up all night until they want to go to bed, after all, we are the parents, not them.
For the record, Jacob still dosen't sleep through the night and I have given up fighting him about it, he will do it when he is ready (like the big bed, I spose..) We've done CIO, you need nerves of steel for it...
Co sleeping, it's not for me, but each to their own. I sleep Charlotte on her tummy, which is a BIG no no, but thats how she likes to sleep, so I just don't tell plunket...
I personally think alot of peoples comments about other peoples style of mothering comes under the heading "competitve mothering.."

I agree with Annie, CIO can be very stressful (and nerves of steel I haven't got) ! I tend to use a bit of both, sometimes we use the CIO method because we know she's just tired and not sick or anything else, other times I will cuddle her because I will know she's pretty upset etc. and will only become more so if I leave her. I would love to co-sleep, but in the early days things were a bit topsy-turvy with my anxiety, sleep deprivation etc, so never had the opportunity to properly get into it (without going around the bend). I respect and admire those mums / parents who can though !

As for my view of Plunket and their recommendations, I have a bit of a "love / hate" thing going for them at the moment, in a nutshell I would say that their advice always needs to be taken with a grain of salt... (personal opinion) for example with Erin's massive downturn in formula intake, I was starting to get really worried, and Plunket's 600ml daily minimum kept popping into my head... got her checked out by my GP in the end (to rule out an ear or throat infection) and of course she is in tip top shape, and doc said that sometimes it just happens and not to worry about it so long as she is happy, sleeping, eating etc.

Ok so, about routines in general, we weren't too highly structured to begin with... again I had problems with anxiety so struggled at first, but am finding it so much easier now, and Erin gets really ratty if the general structure of her day is too different. We are reasonably flexible about things though, stuff doesn't have to happen on the dot of xxx time (feeds, sleeps etc), which is good I guess seeing as we are on her schedule rather than her being on ours LOL

Right, lastly - sleeping through the night. We knew this wouldn't necessarily happen early on, but I guess we were / are pretty lucky that Erin did start sleeping through when she was still quite little - considering it is quite common / normal for kiddies to still be waking at 1,2 and even 3yo. I guess even though sleep is pretty paramount for me in regards to mental health, I just get on with it if she wakes in the night for whatever reason.

Ok so... that was the most massive, rambly post I have written in a long long time... so think I will get myself a glass of milk and head off to bed !

Edited to add: Silly random comment but... it just crossed my mind that the only thing I am *not* appreciating at the moment is waking up at 2am to pee, and then lying in bed awake for 20mins because I can hear the 1.5yo boy next door screaming his head off. Normally I would just nod right off again, and I do feel really bad for his parents - they are so lovely but a bit stressed out at the moment.

(Wow, what a selfish cow I am )

Edited by jax