PND

i suppose that if motherhood doesnt meet your expectations, as quite often happens when you really really really want something, then you could leave yourself more open to get PND. I dont think there is a link though as PND isnt just a state of mind (from what i understand).

i know for me i really wanted a baby and tried for a long time but i didnt get PND, but i know i have trouble reconciling the dream with the reality.

Well, this could definitely become a sensitive topic but I will stick up my hand and say that I TTC for 3wks and got pregnant pretty much as soon as possible once we started trying after getting married - and I have PND. There is no one single cause of PND. There are a whole lot of factors. One factor CAN BE that people's expectations of what birth/feeding/motherhood is going to be like don't eventuate. But many mothers experience that because motherhood is always full of surprises. However, if you combine it with other factors, such as:

- history of mental illness
- little support (friends/family/partner)
- difficult baby, eg. sleep issues, reflux/colic, poor feeding
- personality, eg. need to control things or high expectations of yourself, low self-esteem
- difficult labour
- baby blues lasting longer than usual

Obviously you don't have to have all of those factors but some of them - and there are others, but I can't think what they are just now.

The most important thing is that even if you have unmet expectations or a certain personality type, you may not end up with PND at all... And it's also important to add that it is not anyone's fault that they might get PND. It's unhelpful to think along the lines of "if I wasn't such a control freak or if I had not believed it was all going to be a bed of roses then I may not have got it!" That is incorrect and far too simplistic as well as unhelpful blaming yourself! It is helpful though if you are planning a baby to consider and challenge the expectations you do have of your birth, feeding and motherhood in general so that you are as prepared as you can be. Although I would add nothing prepares you for it really because I tried to prepare myself but I hadn't realised what it was going to really be like.

I attribute my PND to my inability to handle the influx of female hormones. Every time I went on the pill I went a bit nutso and PND was really a sustained version of that.

I did plan both my pregnancies.First time I had a text book baby, second time I had a reflux baby who had feeding issues and didn't sleep. I had great family support both times. I 'd my birth experiences. I didn't have any expectations of how having a baby would be so I don't think there was any unrealistic goals set.

Both times I didn't have baby blues and actually was fine for ages and then at about 4 months the PND just hit.

Isla wasn't planned, but not exactly an accident iykwim..... and I have PND but I was expecting it anyway due to a history of depression and not being able to handle situations where I'm not 100% in control. So sometimes not knowing why Isla was upset would really do my head in, still does. I didn't have much in the way of expectations of what motherhood was going to be like. I certainly didn't think it was going to be easy, or fun all the time so haven't been let down in anyway.
It's an interesting observation you have made but I think it's just coincidence. I have friends who have surprise babies and friends with planned babies and many of them have PND......

Bobbie wrote: I attribute my PND to my inability to handle the influx of female hormones. Every time I went on the pill I went a bit nutso and PND was really a sustained version of that.

That's actually a really interesting theory... I go a bit mental on the pill too, overly agressive etc. and the baby blues hit me quite hard. (Panic attacks at dinner time 3 days in a row anyone?) I don't think I have PND though and I have everything crossed that I don't get it out of the blue suddenly!

I do have a history of depression and towards the end of pregnancy I was prepping DP to handle me when PND hit, but I guess it's never predictable is it?

ETA: We weren't TTC, but were really bad with protection so we kinda expected a BFP at some point.

Edited by Jelly

well i am true to that theory.. planned both my babies with military precision:) but I also think losing a baby before Ethan and one after (12 and 6 week mc's) and not dealing with those caused it too.. (and the hormone thing as well it certainly makes my OCD way worse)

I also think while i expected motherhood to be hard i didnt expect it to be so.. draining 24/7 and I dont deal with lack of sleep very well so i find this first bit where i am up every single night for months with no break to be very tough:) and that doesnt help!

Yeah, I've found my moods are uncontrollable since being on the pill, and also when I was on depo. I never had this problem with just condoms, but that is how dd ended up being.

Could it be that the people more likely to get pregnant TTC rather than accidentally are the people with that certain "personality, eg. need to control things" so are more likely to get PND... (what do they call that, a causal link or something?)

ETA: or should I have said, the people more likely to get UTD accidentally are the kind of "relaxed" (for want of a better word!) people who aren't likely to get PND...

I tend to like to control and plan my life, and so it would be quite unlikely that I got pregnant by accident ... and I had mild postnatal depression (but I had other risk factors from newlywed's list as well). I probably would've had full-blown PND if it had not been for a fantastically supportive husband working from home who was there to step in when things got too much.

Edited by anakk

I know this discussion has faded away now...but just saw it and think it's really interesting. I had PND with my son - I conceived within a month of trying, so wasn't one of those people who had been TTC for a long time.

Interestingly though, I had also had big problems with the contraceptive pill. When I first started taking it I was in a very good place, very happy and within a week was depressed, anxious, tearful. I came off of it, and never went back on it.

I would also say that what I got fell in to the category of PNA ie post-natal anxiety. I was so anxious and exhausted all the time as basically I did not know what to do with a baby, especially once who didn't sleep and had difficulties feeding! Our ante-natal classes had been crap, there was only one session on caring for a baby the rest had all been about labour. I didn't have any family support, my relationship with my mother was terrible (again, one of the risk factors for PND). I didn't drive and was stuck in an isolated house miles away from anywhere. There was no breast-feeding support and the midwife only came about twice after the birth and that was it...

so, all in all, it would have been a miracle to have not had PND!


My theory on PND is that lack of supportive family and community networks has a lot to do with it. Also the modern generation of women like me were educated to be like men, to do all the career stuff. Whereas 40 years ago the expectation was that women would be mothers, and the education system and their own mothers prepared them for that.

Kazzam

I would have almost thought the opposite - that if you've been TTC for a long time, you're planning on adjusting your life to having a baby, and are pleased to do so. Getting UTD as a surprise means life changes you didn't anticipate and might not want...

But from the comments here, it looks like people on both sides of the fence struggle - I wonder if anyone's ever done any research into that point. I'll have to go look.