Home Birth

How do I convince DH that home birth is a good idea? After talking with my LMC last week I'm pretty sold on the idea. We had DS1 at a birthing centre with no complications or pain relief so I'm pretty confident we could do it. DH wants to go to the birthing centre again as "that is what it's for" and "I don't want to be sitting on spot on the floor where the baby was born". The birthing centre is a half hour drive away and our local hospital is 5 minutes away. Any suggestions?

Go for it! If you were half a hour from the hospital I'd say no but if you are comfortable with it & feel safe with the whole idea & are super close to the hospital it's a valid option.

Get the MW to talk to him about mess & clean up. That is what he might be worried about.

Homebirthing is absolutely fantastic. My first was a c/s then i had a very medical VBAC so chose to have a homebirth with my 3rd. After DS was born my DP said that was the best birth, more relaxed and he felt he could be more of a support being in our own home and he was also more comfortable and i was also. Our midwife was so wonderful and so supportive and knew when to step back and let us have our moments. With our hospital births DP didnt get to stay afterwards he was pretty much kicked out. At home after our DS was born (he was born at 12.43am) i got to have a shower in my shower and we got to go to bed together in our own bed and i woke up in the morning to DP and DS curled up together it was amazing!

I dont know how you are going to convince your DH to have a homebirth but it is your body, your birth choice and well he just has to deal with it if you feel you want to stay at home. (That is what i would have told my DP if he didnt want me to homebirth).

Edited by fadeless

Lil_Nic9 wrote: Omg, fadeless you may have just convinced me!!!

Hehe the more the merrier :D

DH and Mum were my support people and they both werent sold on the idea but knew it was what I wanted, and knew it would help me to stay more relaxed if I was in my own enviornment after having a horrible hospital birth with #1. I set up a meeting with the midwife and Dh and Mum, so they could hear from here about homebirths, and what would havppen if problems occured etc. They were both happier after talking to her about it all.

I suggest you get him to read this link if you can:

http://www.homebirth.net.au/2008/04/this-brilliant-article-was-written-by.html

The actual title is "Secrets of a Homebirth Dad"... and one of the points I like the most is where he says:

"If you only remember one of these secrets, make sure it’s this one. At the end of a home birth, the midwifes leave. Not you. This is the way it should be. In a hospital, you will be torn away from you newborn child and your exhausted wife at the very peak of your emotional vulnerability."

Homebirth isn't scary. Homebirth isn't messy either - we had one plastic supermarket bag of rubbish at the end of it all (my birth with DD2), and one 'extra' load of laundry that I didn't even have to do myself

When it was all said and done, I was sitting in *my* lounge, with my family, friends and midwife, drinking tea from my own mug, eating my own food, and then got to have a shower in *my* bathroom - I was so much more comfortable and at ease than I was after the hospital birth I'd had with DD1.

There is so much more that I could go on about, and my DH wasn't easy to 'convince' either - but it was well worth the effort in the end!

HippyMama wrote: fadeless wrote: but it is your body, your birth choice and well he just has to deal with it if you feel you want to stay at home. (That is what i would have told my DP if he didnt want me to homebirth). That was my stance too - thankfully it didn't come to that, he had a couple of good long talks with my midwife and came away much more reassured and totally on board.

My argument with this is that it's his baby as well and if you want him to be a full support to you, then he needs to be comfortable with the process - e.g. if I knew my DH was completely freaking, that would stress me, but I would want him there so would rather be somewhere that he wasn't freaking so he could support me IYKWIM. But that's just my take on the birth thing (and I don't mean to turn it into a debate - only you know what's best for you and your DH and baby)

I like the other's ideas of getting the MW involved to talk with him. You have some time on your side and I would think that the argument the hospital's 5 minutes up the road should help! And I love the quote about the MW being the one to leave, not him.

ETA - it would be interesting to know where his view is coming from - while his arguments sound pretty weak TBH, is there fear underlying it? Lots of guys like to know that everything is safe and that things that can go wrong can be managed etc.

Edited by Flissty

Awww, that's sad lil-lease .  Hope you still get to have a natural, drug-free experience in hospital.

Nicola, have you been in touch with the Southland homebirth association?  They should be able to help - perhaps they could put you in touch with a few of the fathers who have already experienced home birth, and your DH could have a chat with them?

I really love how fadeless got that time with her OH and the baby after the birth, Lily was born at 8pm and within the hour I was showered and wheeled off to my room and dp had to leave right away because visiting hours finished so he didn't get to see dd properly until the next day!

Hi Nicola, I managed to convince my DP to have a HB for our first baby due in November, after he was initially lukewarm on the idea.

I think a couple of things helped.

First, I found lots of good info on the homebirth website including studies that showed that HBs can often be safer than hosp births because they don't involve unnecessary (and sometimes dangerous) interventions.

2nd, we went for a tour of the hospital (no birthing centres in our area) and he really didn't like the clinical, brightly lit feel of the maternity ward. and as others have mentioned, when we saw the post-natal rooms with just one bed it really hit home to us that we would be separated on our first night of being a family, which really felt wrong to both of us.

Then, at our most recent visit with our MW we had a long talk about hospital transfers incl in what circumstances she would recommend a transfer, and what 'emergencies' she is equipped to deal with at home. Hearing that there woud be 2 midwives present helped reassure us both too.

I got some useful advice on this forum when I asked about HBs
here

anyway, best of luck in talking to your partner about it and also for having a successful home birth!