Gender disappointment

DP was dead certain we were having a boy so when he found out we were having a girl he was disappointed, it only lasted about half an hour but it was just that he had imagined all these things he could do with his 'son' but then realised having a daughter was even cooler and was excited from then on.

In that 30 mins he didn't talk a word. He just kept quiet but he just thought it all over. I think for him it was just that girls usually = dolls and he didn't think he would bond as well or "what would he do with a girl" iygwim. They're totally inseparable now!

For a couple of days after the scan YES! This totally surprised me because I really thought I didn't care. I was somehow convinced it was a boy though so at the 20 week scan our little boy turned into our little girl and I was really disappointed and it took me a couple of days really to readjust my brain. I think that for me it was more that until that moment there was the potential for a boy and the potential for a girl then someone comes along and takes one away from you. Just about all the girls from my due date thread felt this to some extent.

Once I had her in my arms though I had trouble imagining her being anything apart from who she was.

I'm currently TTC but i think as long as its a healthy baby, thats the main thing!

Gender disappointment is a very real thing, there are forums and threads and discussion boards about it, the first thing to remember is that just because you are disappointed , does NOT make you a bad person , and it will not mean you wont love your baby any less than if it was the sex you wanted.

Yes yes, we all want a healthy happy baby, im sure we all agree on that, but when you have your heart set on one sex, finding out thats not the case can be heartbreaking ,upsetting, and very anxious for some, its not easy having to rearrange your dreams.

My daughter's stepmum has 2 boys and when she got pregnant with her 3rd she was convinced it would be a girl, she had seen herself with 2 boys and a girl and when she had her scan and they said boy, she went into denial. She was very VERY disappointed it wasn't a girl and as a double blow her boy was diagnosed with Downs 14 weeks after birth, the moment he was born however, she was in love with him and couldn't imagine him being anything else, shes still totally smitten, they are trying for a baby next year and she desperately wants a girl and even after what she went through with number 3 she has admitted she will be disappointed if its another boy, but she will still love him, I don't doubt that, she isn't an evil person , and shes grateful for the babies she has, shes just human, and she had a different vision for her life and as I said when the reality is different to what we imagined,it can be hard at first.

I would have been disappointed at first if this one was a boy. And I've already got one of each.
Would have loved it, would have gotten used to the idea of one girl 2 boys instead of one boy 2 girls eventually but I still would have been disappointed,not the whole pregnancy, like the first hour after I imagine, maybe not so much disappointed as more "oh...I wasn't expecting that "


Edited by TheKelly

DH had his heart set on us having a girl too and at the scan when we were told it's a boy I could see he was a bit disappointed. Like MamaT, by the time we had driven back home he was really happy and couldn't get the smile off his face

This time around, we would both really love another boy but of course would be equally as happy with a girl.

We have 2 boys, everyone thought i was having a girl with number 2, but they were wrong. I was convinced it was a boy and am happy with both my boys.
Mother in law is desperate for a girl she has three boys and these are her only grandchildren. She was convinced we were having a girl and even when we were trying she gave us a chinese predication calender on what days to BD to conceive a girl! over the top !

Still now she goes on about us having a girl at one point it really REALLY bugged me. She couldn't be happy with her two beautiful grandsons. I have confronted her about it but it didn't change things.

We are planning on having a third in four or so years and I am happy with either.

LJsmum..omg to the MIL!

my dad was disappointed and still drops hints even though he knows no more kids..i guess cause we are the only ones who can have children on my side.. i was stoked with two boys and would have been with two girls as well but i always saw myself with two boys...I really dont understand the being so upset about getting the opposite but each to their own... my dad dealt with it but getting over it but for ages i felt like i wasnt good enough cause i didnt produce the girl he had hoped for...my DH wanted a girl but got over it very fast:)

After having such a well behaved little girl and then having mr destructakid (labels just for emphasis we love them all equally really) we tried for a girl and had a girl. I think I would have been more oh no I can't do another one if it had been like DS. Turns out that she was worse. Since we had a preconceived notion of what a little girl was sposed to be like this child completely threw us. Complete nightmare and definately not like the idea of what we had in our minds.

I am not good at getting my point across but what I am trying to say is we put so much into our pregnancies and how our life is going to be that we let things like gender/breastfeeding/natural birth dictate how things are going to be when in reality it doesn't have to. The biggest thing with these babies is there are things we can't control. Yes there will be disapointment but it won't affect your love for your child. (if it does reach out for help as there is plenty available) It is normal to feel a bit disapointed every now and then.

I always thought I would have a little girl, I'm the only girl grandchild of 10 on one side of my family and just always thought I'd have a little girl. I was also a little afraid of the thought of boys as my brothers were little terrors (and I was the 'good girl' always always just did what I was told for at least first 13yrs). The closer I got to the scan I realised it didnt really matter as long as everything was okay, when we found out we were expecting a boy I was disappointed for a blip in time but never seriously so and was over it pretty quickly.

I have a feeling I'm only ever going to be an Aunty to a little girl and not a mummy to one, maybe that's me trying to protect myself from future disapointment as I know how much fun boys are and how lovely and sweet they are but I dont deny I would be over the moon with a little girl.... even tho someone wise once said to me "boys mess with your stuff, girls mess with your head" which makes me PMSL as its SOOOOOOOOOOOOO true!!!