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sbeach
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Topic: Decisions Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:15pm |
After reading the debate thread earlier I realized there is even more things DH and I need to decide on...
What I'd like to know is how were the big decisions made for your family? Like to vaccinate or not ?(whatever the decision is)...did your DH/DP have an opinion?? do the research/read the research?? or just go with what you suggested/wanted??
just curious...
Edited by sandie
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Delli
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:29pm |
I consider myself very lucky that DP and I are very much on the same wavelength. Anything we had differing opinions on, we discussed and we have always come to a compromise or conclusion that worked for both of us. We both have areas of expertise but even with those - we still each have an input on what goes.
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nicandtyler
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:30pm |
Most of our big decisions were made through talking about them mainly when they came up, with not vaccinating I was the one who researched it as DP said he didn't mind  but then I sat down with him and stated all my reasons for the decision and he was happy with that. As for circumcision that was an agreed no from the beginning, and with us we co-sleep which was also something DP didnt actually have an opinion on as such, but I still talked to him about it so that I knew he was happy with that decision. So yea basically it was me doing all the hard work lol and then explaining to DP which has worked well for us
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fire_engine
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:31pm |
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Mum to two wee boys
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Whateversville
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:35pm |
I'm a solo mama so all desicions/research was done by me  Except DS's name. His Godmother picked that
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Emmecat
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:05pm |
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Mucky_Tiger
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:18pm |
I have already decided not to vacinnatte (we are not even TTC yet though)
but DP reckons vax's are so important.
im going to have my work cut out convincing him.
but im hoping that with pointing out i was allergic as a kid that i dont want to do that to my kids
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kiwisj
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:19pm |
Us too!
We tend to be on the same wavelength about most things too. The one thing we didn't initially agree on was leaving DS's foreskin intact. DH is circumcised and thought that we'd just do DS so he "looked the same." Ahhhh no thank you! So that took a wee bit of talking and showing him info and stuff  Didn't take too much convincing though.
Edited by kiwisj
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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caliandjack
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:31pm |
So far our decisions have been around my pregnancy and we've for the most part made them together or I've decided in both of our interests.
ie: choosing a MW was my decision as I'm the one that needs to build the relationship
finding out the sex, DH wanted to know and I didn't mind so we found out
Home birth vs Hospital - DH was pretty strong on hospital birth and neither of us liked the idea of Home birth.
Its been interesting so far as before I got preggers I don't think DH even really thought about some of these decisions, however he works with a number of fathers and has come home with some interesting ideas.
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  [/url] Angel June 2012
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MyLilSquishy
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:35pm |
kiwisj wrote:
Us too! |
yup same here. DP and i havent had a differing opinion yet anyway, but if we did we would discuss together, research etc.
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kiwisj
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:40pm |
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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caliandjack
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:48pm |
For day to day care I guess it will be me at home and making the decisions.
On bigger things like daycare/education etc we'll make them together.
The other debating thread has got me thinking that this is our child not just mine and its for both of us to decide on how we raise her.
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  [/url] Angel June 2012
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SMoody
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:52pm |
For us it has been a continous conversation. It started before we got married when we discussed how many kids we would like to have and him saying he would want one of us to be a SAHP.
Then it just went from there. As things came up we just discuss it. It is more easier for me to sometimes research things more due to hubby working but there has been a few occasions that he sends me links or tell me things and we look into it further.
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HoneybunsMa
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 8:09pm |
I know how this is going to sound but I make majority of the decisions, I talk to (at for all he takes in) DP about what I think and he just says ok. He knows I'm the one that deals with her day to day and have the best interests in mind. I decided on vacc, I decided on the vit k inj, I decided on cloth, I decided I wasn't going back to work and that I would be studying. I have the time to do the research and its my time that will be taken up with whatever the choices we make are.
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Babykatnz
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Posted: 30 September 2010 at 8:09pm |
Since I've been there done that with DS and he's turned out ok, I think DP felt that i was able to make the important decisions based on my experience already. The only thing we dont agree on is circumcision, he is done, his mates hve had their boys done earlier this year, and after what DS went through prior to getting his done last week, he is insisting that if this one is a boy, it WILL get done. I disagree. I wont bother arguing the point until it becomes a necessity (i.e if we find out next month that baby is a boy)
Everything else he has been happy to let me make the decisions, and he gets to enjoy the 'fun' parts of being a dad, without the stress  well, except for the days where she power chunders all over him
One thing we do disagree on occasionally is when to take DD to the doctor... any sign of something wrong, and hes suggesting i pack her up and rush to the doctor, but I can look at and listen to her and see if its just teething probs, or a slight sniffle etc, and not panic about it.... I have to remind myself that he is a first-time parent, so doesnt have the instinct we learn from the first time about when to do something, and when to not worry
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JoJames
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Posted: 01 October 2010 at 8:20am |
Anything medical or health wise, DH defers to me (I've got a medical background) he trusts me to make the right decision there, I think he knows as long as I'm calm everything is good.
Everything else (parenting, sleep, discipline, feeding) DH has pretty strong feelings about, so we tend to discuss everything, and he's pretty clever.
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Mum_mum
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Posted: 01 October 2010 at 8:39am |
The only thing we have really dissagreed on is schools and we are not even ready for that yet!
I think its important to go to a decile school higher than 5-6 as they will have more resources, better teachers and better behaved kids that don't need so much disipline at school, DH thinks that it doesn't really matter, that lower decile schools have more cos they get more from the government and they have the same teachers.
guess we'll have to agree to disagree and after all I will be the one filling out the paperwork, so I will have final choice on the school
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monikah
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Posted: 01 October 2010 at 11:50am |
me and DH decide everything together. we are the same though and pretty much agree on everything. it also depends on the other experiences you have. we both know the same families and the same kids which is where a lot of our decsions in regards to TV and food and stuff comes from. i probably get to pull the strings a wee bit more as i am the one who is around them more but he will always put his 10 cents in over things when they come up and we work it out 2getha
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MamaT
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Posted: 01 October 2010 at 11:59am |
And here 
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cuppatea
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Posted: 01 October 2010 at 1:43pm |
SMoody wrote:
For us it has been a continous conversation. It started before we got married when we discussed how many kids we would like to have and him saying he would want one of us to be a SAHP.
Then it just went from there. As things came up we just discuss it. It is more easier for me to sometimes research things more due to hubby working but there has been a few occasions that he sends me links or tell me things and we look into it further. |
Yep this is most like us. I tend to make the day to day decisions because I'm with them during the day but the big stuff we talk about. So one of us staying home we discussed, discipline, then when the time came we discussed types of childcare and so on. I have done most of the deciding about food though, the oldest has allergies and I am also anal about preservatives etc. Dh calls me the food nazi but it's a title I'm proud of!
With the vaxxing, I hate to say it but I was in the you just do it cos the doc says, they wouldn't give it out if it wasn't safe, I had them it didn't hurt me, I wouldn't forgive myself if they got a disease that a vaccine could prevent club. Dh was the one who first brought up not doing them. I wasn't convinced (I was scared of not doing them, cos that is how we have all been programmed) but after he showed me some research, told me what the chiro and homeopathic doc he had talked to were saying I was convinced enough to at least go and look into it and then quite frankly I was horrified at what I found but I was still scared about not doing it. Originally we had planned to hold off until he was 2, but as we did more research over that time it's been decided that they will never have them done (not unless something majorly changes with regard to the vaccines themselves).
Circumcision we have never even talked about. DH isn't done and I would never contemplate having them done unless it was medically necessary so I guess with that one discussion wasn't needed.
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