Men and communication

Well here I am, my dh is totally not a talker and bottles things up till he explodes and over the stupidist things, it has caused us to seperate twice and I honestly thought it might be all over last night but we have come out the other side this morning totally shattered and not much sleep! It causes so much anxiety and stress but I just do not know how to get him to talk, he does not come from a talking family where as I do, if there is a problem it is discussed it has caused alot of friction with my family to the point where my parents feel he is rude. At the moment we are in the middle of packing to move which he finds very stressful and we have had to move so many times in the past two years which does not help. The plus side he is enjoying his job but deep down I think he may suffer from depression but how do I help him? His parents are both deceased and his siblings all live up north or in oz and they don't get in touch very often, he's not really a blokes bloke go to the pub and have lots of mates sort of guy he did play rugby this year the first time in 5 years and enjoyed it which was great.
Sorry for the rant but just needed to get it out!

Hi Guys,
I know where you are coming from. My DH's family actually wrote (what they thought) was a lovely poem for their Dad's birthday, celebrating the fact that their parents had (and I quote) 'brought us up not to talk about emotions and other stupid stuff”. Crikey! I come from a home where my Mum's a social worker and always asking about our feelings and stuff, so I find it really hard too.
For us we had a situation where it all turned to crap, and I just said..."I'm off to see a counsellor to talk about this." - Trying not to be judgemental. And then said, "I’d really appreciate if you could come too." He UNWILLING came along at first, but man, it's great! He really looks forward to it now, she often backs him up, and makes me look at things from another perspective (like this family speak a whole other language from me) and it's really helped him grow. Now, even if it's not in all emotional type words that make sense to me, he's able to let me know what's wrong etc. It's the best thing we have ever done.
The Family Court gives you 6 free sessions a year. Every year!
Our marriage wasn’t in trouble, but this has made it even stronger. I hope that it can do the same for you.
Hope this makes sense and big hugs from another who's been there!

We have been through counselling when we split up the first time and it did help and we got back together, not sure if he would go down that path again

Nictoddie, perhaps if HE won't go, then you can. Maybe the counsellor can give you some tools that you can use, even if DH doesn't feel OK about going along this time. S/he might just help you through this awful time. Big, big hugs. I know you can sometimes feel all alone!

Just from a man POV, It's VERY difficult to open up. Most of the time we don't know whats in there and aren't in touch with how we're feeling - until something triggers us off.. I've had practice opening up but i know exactly where he's at (i think.)

A book that might help you understand is Men are Clams, Women are Crowbars by David Clarke. Very good reading. When you read it, don't whatever you do say "you have to read this!" - That's "nagging." Buuuuut, if you were to leave it lying around somewhere (after you've read it of course).....

Sorry, I know I'm trying to "fix" it, but i am eager to see your guys relationship strengthened and really do think the book might help you guys.

PS Teresa has borrowed it from the Public Library before. I saw the title and...there you go.

Edited by Chovynz

Thanks chovy, might have to go and get that book out, I know you are not trying to fix it, Alot of it comes from our diff up bringings as well but we'll get there, things are back to the norm and we are both looking forward to our move out to toko after that is over things should settle down and it does help that he likes his job which is so important.