Toddler Tears

Calling all wise parents of toddlers...What is the best way to manage the following type of situation:-

We are walking around inside. I'm holding Elle's hand and we come to some stairs. I have a pile of things in the other hand so decide to see if Elle can step up with only 1 hand of support. Before even attempting it she does a big, hold the breath cry, leans forward and puts her head on the next step and sobs and sobs. I put my pile down and offer her the other hand but she is so busy crying that she won't take it. The tears continue. Do I:
1. Take her other hand and continue with the walk as though nothing has happened (crying will continue for a few more minutes)
2. Walk away unti she calms herself...last time I walked away for 2mins and then had a screaming baby for the following 25mins despite attempting every type of distraction. I'm guessing this is not an option for us.
3. Make a big deal and pick her up and cuddle her...she will struggle and cry more but eventually calm.
4. Other....?

The same thing happens if we are walking and I let go of her hand and stand her against some furnature (e.g. if I have to do something other than walk around the house! ). I generally just keep going with whatever we are doing as though nothing as happened as I assume that by do so I'm ignoring the tantrum without ignoring her. We've been doing that for a few months now but the frequency of these episodes is increasing. My girl is so strong willed and determined which will be fabulous when she is a teenager but I need to learn now to deal with it in the here and now. Things such as the above happen many times per day and I want to make sure I deal with them in the right way.

Sometimes you can only but laugh!

TIA!

You could offer her alternatives: e.g. Mummy can't carry you right now; would you like to walk up or shall I come back for you in a minute?

Hey Fiona
I think gant and busymum have some reslly good advice. Thats we we do and if Jack still has a tantrum I would genreally leave him to it, as long as i had explained what i was doing and what his options were. If he cries and I can't understand what he wants I'll get down on his level and say where are your words Jack point to what you want. We generally get there after a few points and then I say the word as few times so he understands the word.

She can probably understand a lot more than you think but whether or not she likes it is a different story

Sometimes it hard to know if the tears are a tantrum or something wrong. E.g. at breakfast time we eat together. I give her a few mouthfuls then have one for myself. However, when I take mine...she gets really upset and then won't eat hers...she just bashes the spoon and cries and cries. I presume it is becuase she is unhappy that I'm sharing my attention but then it could be that she isn't hungry or has a sore tooth or something! I don't know whether to persevere or walk away or take her out of the highchair and let her play...

Guess all we can do as parents is follow our gut / better judgement.

Is 12mths an age where frustrations etc are particularly apparent? Do they slow down a bit once they conquer skills like walking? The amount of moving / a 12mth old can do is unreal...it's like you have to stay in constant motion all the time! They are amazing wee creatures!

FionaS wrote: Sometimes it hard to know if the tears are a tantrum or something wrong. E.g. at breakfast time we eat together. I give her a few mouthfuls then have one for myself. However, when I take mine...she gets really upset and then won't eat hers...she just bashes the spoon and cries and cries.

ahhh, the not sharing stage... both my boys used to be very happy to share with me then all of a sudden one day they werent. If i take a bite of anything of theirs a tanty ensues. that is the 3 yr old and the grumpy 2 yr old. or dinner for example - one eats all his sausge the other only the pasta then they want more of what they have eaten so if i then give it them from their bothers plate they get upset, and i know they werent goint to eat it.

How on EARTH are we going to manage the flight to Rarotonga in 3 weeks time! Elle won't sit still at all at the moment without a lot of wriggling and a very loud fuss, particularly not on our knees, so a 3 hour and 50min flight + the waiting time at either end is going to be.....well, challenging! Better start a new thread about travel tips I think.

Could be although she is fine as long as I only focus on her while feeding her. Have tried letting her feed herself but she just throws the spoon away LOL.

I wish I could spend the day inside the mind of a 1 year old! It would help a lot!

Hehe..true!

I tend to wait for my breakfast until she has finished hers...the is the best way to avoid the tears.

We get this a lot tho with all different situations...

Miss has a habit of dropping her head against the floor (as in a world-is-ending kind of way) when it's a tanty / frustration thing (as opposed to pain / fear / etc) so it makes it a lot easier to 'read' her.

But generally, I do try to explain everything to her - and I honestly believe (from her reactions etc) that she understands around 90% of it, and she does better for me doing so. Sometimes she'll still get frustrated and/or p'ed off that she's not getting her way but that's the breaks, and she needs to learn that she won't always get her way. I generally leave her - usually for a minute or two - then come back, and get right in her face / at her level and say something like "I know you're upset but we're not doing [whatever] now. I'm happy to play with you [or whatever] if you're quiet, but I will not listen to this." Sometimes she gets it, sometimes tanty continues. When it continues she often gets put in her cot (with toys, blankies, dummy, etc) and left. The crying may continue (altho often it ends quite suddenly) and meantime I'm not getting more and more aggitated at her. I don't call it 'time-out' as in the punishment type, but it is a type of cooling-off time, for both of us Often times she's actually tired and will nap, albeit usually just a catnap, but it can do wonders.

ETA - I personally don't like ignoring without explanation - I worry it could be seen as withdrawl of love but without her making the connection to the behavior.

Edited by KiwiWonder