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BabyOnBoard 
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Joined: 12 March 2007
Location: Putaruru, Waikato
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 Topic: *Pity Post*
Posted: 21 November 2007 at 7:53pm |
Ok I don't know why I'm posting this but I think I just need to let it out and get it out!!
DP and I are over, we just keep fighting. I don't trust him because he has lied and been distrustful a lot and he is constintly (sp?) trying to blame my family for our problems. . I'm not saying I don't do anything wrong because I do - I question him a lot and find it hard to believe him because of the lying and I have also not been coping with housework and a baby and asking to much of him.
He tells me he will change and we can get help but the fighting doesn't stop and he gets really angry.
I still love him so much and can't imagine life without him. I don't want him to hate me or miss out on Arabellas life.
This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I am in turmoil 24/7 wondering if it's the right thing to do or if we should try yet again to make it work. It's just so heartbreaking and I feel so lost and upset.
Well Thanks for the 'listening' eyes. 
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MILF
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Antarctica/Invercargill ;)
Points: 1988
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Posted: 21 November 2007 at 8:06pm |
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oh hun that is so sad for you. big hugs. have you ever had a break from each other? would that be an option, have a break but still remain committed to the relationship, in an attempt to get your relationship back to where you want it?
it must be so hard for you to make a decision like this, but ultimately your baby will be happier having 2 parents who live apart but respect each other, than 2 parents together who will fight all the time. if you feel you want to though, def look into getting some relationship counselling to see what you can learn from it - it might help in any event, to clarify some issues with you and dp, so if the break is permanent then you can at least go forward and parent together without it being really really awful.
good luck with your decision.
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Lyla - mum to
Xanthe -  my big 4 year old
and
Jordis - 1 year old 
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meow
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Posted: 21 November 2007 at 8:07pm |
It is so hard with a little baby, not much sleep leads to fighting etc.. 
I've been there too, and I don't really have any suggestions.. we did get through it though and it is easier when baby is older.
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busymum
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Posted: 21 November 2007 at 8:20pm |
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It's a really difficult time with a baby so young, so many changes for both of you as well as a lot of exhaustion. Would he be agreeable to going to couples counselling? Various places such as the Family Court can fund it for you on your request. Since you still love him, it may be worth a shot.
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Kels
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Posted: 21 November 2007 at 8:25pm |
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Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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Rachael21
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Posted: 21 November 2007 at 9:04pm |
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BabyOnBoard
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Posted: 21 November 2007 at 9:39pm |
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Thanks for the support.
Counselling could be worth it and so might a break. It just seems to be that we disagree on everything and differ on every decision. We have been fighting for the last six months, I got serious about finances and other things and he didn't want to. Don't know if he is ready for a family and I've been pushing parenthood and responsibility on him. I can remember the last five fights we had but not the last kiss or hug.
He rung me and we tried to talk but he got angry and rambled. He told me that if I'm not home by monday morning it's over
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nictoddie
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Location: Palmerston North
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 6:54am |
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wow that is pretty harsh, sounds like you either need to get some counselling or call it quits, we have had our ups and downs and beed through the courts for counselling which helped heaps, When babies come along it can be very tiring and sounds like maybe from what you have said he was not ready, no one can tell you what path to take hun but your heart can, and yes you will still love him as he is the father of your child but you may not maybe like him alot at the moment , if you really want it to work then maybe talk to him about counselling if he does not want to do the counselling then maybe he wants to go his seperate way and telling you if your not home by Monday is his easy way out ???
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CuriousG
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 7:35am |
I would definitely try counselling, more to see if you guys want to stay together. While I fully think a child needs both their parents, I don't believe that two parents who are at each others throats 24/7 is healthy and its better to have two loving parents who live separately.
I agree with all the others, new baby on top of existing issues = one very stressed out relationship. Take a moment to reflect on how things used to be when they were good and figure out if you can and or want to go back there.
Big hugs - I hope things work out for you in the long run.
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Andie
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 10:22am |
Aw, hun...
...not much help, I know, but I guess you have to do what feels like the right thing for you to do at the time - and please don't be hard on yourself - you have a baby who isn't even 2 months yet, that alone can be really stressful.
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Andie
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caraMel
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 11:33am |
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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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ooEvaoo
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 2:25pm |
Yeah I agree with all the suggestions. Having a break from each other is good as it gives you both time to reassess your relationship and figure out what is the best possible outcome for you both. Relationships can become very tense, especially when such a huge change (like having a baby) occurs. At many times we can feel quite resentful towards our partners, for mothers having to commit so much time and energy into our child/children, as well as be expected to do all the other duties resentment can easily build up, especially if your partner isn't helping out in any way. I know that when my son was born I felt like a was raising him on my own and felt lonely a lot of the time.
Of course you're always going to love him, you both created such a beautiful gift together. But how he's treating you is not on. Yea maybe he isn't ready for parenthood, but no one is ever truly prepared. Parenthood is such a life altering event. He really needs to step up and take responsibility, life is no longer just about him. The fact that he set you an ultimatim suggests that he's only wanting whats best for himself. No one should ever threaten their loved ones, cause that's what he's done, he's threatened you and your baby.
If he's wanting to make things work, he'll do what ever it takes to help turn this relationship back into a positive one. Seek couple counselling, take a break, do whatever it takes to make it work again, but if you can see that it just isn't going to, then do what's best and end it. It'll be hard, but if it's in your's and your baby's best interest then its the right decision.
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Maya
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 3:08pm |
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Big hugs! I'm not saying it's a miracle cure, coz it wasn't and it took a lot of work from both of us, but Willie and I separated when Maya was 3 months old and stayed apart until just before she turned two and the break helped us both reassess our priorities and make some compromises and changes, and we are so much better off for it.
It was an incredibly scary time for me, I was a brand new mum, all of a sudden on my own with no family in Auckland and I was terrified, but we got thru day by day and it really was the best thing for me coz I learnt that I could be independent and self sufficient for my child and now Willie and I are 'equals' rather than me relying on him.
One thing that did worry me was the impact on Maya of being in a single parent home, but she thrived, and I truly believe what Dr Phil says - a child would far rather come from a broken home than live in one.
Best of luck and more big hugs!
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Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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jack_&_charli
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 3:43pm |
[QUOTE=Maya] a child would far rather come from a broken home than live in one.
QUOTE]
exactly!
big hugs hun!!! i suggest a break for a while too. give yourselves some time and it will help you both realise what you want in life and how you truly feel about each other.
DH and i had a 3mth break a few years ago and it was the best thing we ever did.
take care and do what you feel is right for you
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miss
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 4:28pm |
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Big hugs - nothing to add, but I hope whatever happens is what is best for you all.
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Leish
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Posted: 22 November 2007 at 5:05pm |
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BabyOnBoard
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Posted: 25 November 2007 at 1:37pm |
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Thanks so much for all the advice and support! The computer has been down so haven't had a chance to come online.
We have decided to get couples ounselling as well as seperate counselling. I'm moving out so we can figure out what we want and what our priorities are. Just going to play it by ear really.
Feel at peace about this decision but will still be hard leaving my little house on the prarie behind.
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cuppatea
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Posted: 25 November 2007 at 1:39pm |
Good luck for the future, hope the counselling helps (either way)
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tashzmum
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Posted: 28 November 2007 at 11:01am |
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hey chick i heard that things werent great between you guys.
bobbi at the overdale community center is great and its only a donation incase you were interested.
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Natasha Jayde, 1-01-05(7lb3oz)
Caroline Elisabeth, 9-04-08 (4lb15oz)
Izabella Kate, 9-04-08(6lb7oz)
Lexi Brenna, 23-01--2011(6lb6oz)
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Bubbaloo
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Posted: 28 November 2007 at 2:05pm |
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 Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08
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*Pity Post*
