A Failure!

Dont have anything profound to say just wanted to give you (whoever you are) a huge cyber hug, cos you sound like you really need it today. I wish there was something I could say or do to help... Please don't be too hard on yourself, you haven't failed. You have acknowledged that there are some things you could do better, so now you need to work out how to improve on those things. Sounds like you need a day off too. Anyway, more big hugs coming your way and hope someone else can help out some more...

You haven't failed, if you had failed, you wouldn't care about them.
You need some time out, to get away from being a mum. Can someone, maybe your partner/husband look after them while you go and do something for you?

Hugs.

Don't want to sound preachy but PLEASE don't try to process these feelings on your own. Reach out to someone close to you. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that.

Hugs

Hi Hun,

Don't worry, you are not the only one who has wanted out before.

It sounds like you need some breathing space - is there someone who can take the kids for a while for you?

Just know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, and I think sometimes kids pick up on this and their behaviour goes to the pack .

I think surviving motherhood is all about taking it day be day or sometimes hour by hour.

As far as being naked goes - my kids are always running around like that too!

I agree however, i think sometimes we judge ourselves more harshly - i.e. a light smack on the wrist when the toddler is touching the tv for the fiftieth time, or trying to shove a fork in the socket, when we are emotional and upset, sometimes we see that as abuse, when in fact, it's not really that bad at all in my opinion. Perhaps when anobody states what she is doing, it is a bit of an exaggeration.

anobody wrote: I have failed as a mum! I scream, i smack, i yell, i berate, i threaten, i swear, i call them names...and most days i dont like them or me. i dont want a third, didnt even want a second.

Firstly - you have NOT failed as a mum! If you had, you would never have seen the need to reach out for help. But you did, so well done you!

Secondly, the physical, mental and verbal abuse to your kids has to stop! I think you know that already or else you wouldn't have mentioned it.
There are many many organisations that can help you, but you need to approach them.
If you want to remain anonymous (I know that a lot of people don't seek professional help due to fearing they will lose their kids), I'm sure there are heaps of people on here (me included) that would be willing to help you through this, even if it is just an occassional email/pm.


Anyways, there's the offer, up to you if you take me/any one else up on it.

All the best to you and your family

How exactly have you failed as a mum?

i don't have kids but I distinctly remember being smacked when I was little and I also distinctly remember spending a lot of time naked (i still do) but at no point have I thought that my mother has failed me, herself or the rest of my family.

Being naked is one of the best things about being a kid. Enjoy it and treasure the freedom that they have within themselves to walk around bare bum. It's beautiful.

Allow yourself to have those moments without feeling guilty, where you think that this is not what you want. How else would you realise that in fact you wouldn't have things any other way???

rubydooby wrote: anobody wrote: I scream, i smack, i yell, i berate, i threaten, i swear, i call them names...and most days i dont like them or me. I know that being a mum is hard work, but I really think you need help. This is not the way to treat innocent children. Please go and ask for help, I am sure that there are professionals out there who would support you to make your life and your childrens lives much happier.

I totally agree. Yes we all have times where we lose our cool and get angry but no child deserves to be verbally abused which your post makes it sound like you are doing. I hope you get the help you need!

I agree with BS - all of the literature I have read says that threatening is definitely a no no... your kids soon learn that either 1) you go through with your threat and then you're basically just a bully or 2) that your word means nothing and they will undermine you.

Anobody - I hope you get the help you clearly need. If your feeling low it is just not fair to take it out on the kids, and name calling is abusive, as is everything else you have mentioned. It's a shame that you don't feel like you want your kids, but the reality is you have them and you have to basically either fix your own feelings to do right by them or put them in capable hands so they get the upbringing they deserve.

I really do hope you talk to someone IRL about this as although we can give support on here, you really need to get urgent and ongoing help if you are having these feelings and treating the kids the way you say your are.

Are you pregnant with #3 (or did I read that wrong?)? If so, talk to your LMC about this as s/he will be able to give you some good advice.

I hope that getting this out there is the motivation for you to get the help you need. I think you need to talk to the people in your life- you obviously need more support. It takes a village to raise a child and its time you called on the people around you to help. Get some time out from your kids, get some education on how to parent better and get some support systems in place for when things get too much

I don't think any kid ever 'needs' a smack- there is always another option than hitting. I was never smacked and I know not to run out onto a busy road, put a fork in a socket etc. How do you know that being hit didn't do you any harm?

I do think as parents we sometimes need to cut ourselves some slack- I also think its our responsibility to be the best parents we can for our childrens sake. All of us make mistakes- whats important is that we learn from them and change our behaviour accordingly.