Feel so trapped!

BLARRDY BLARRDY INLAWS!!

Oh Italiah, that all sucks. I would feel the same, I Love my privacy and space. I get on well with my ILs but even then I would not want to basically live with them, MIL would drive me nuts. I would start thinking of finding somewhere else (what a pain!) and think things over until DH is readt to have a proper talk about it. What is it with males, I like to discuss things when they come up not days later!!! Can they not think fast enough or something.
Sorry no really help.
Hugs

Oh, how awful I would feel exactly the same at the prospect of my MIL and FIL living in the same house as us.

I feel ya Italiah.

My MIL is moving into the bedsit downstairs this Saturday and I'm already sick of her. Don't get me wrong, she's actually a really nice lady, and I agreed to let her move in after her husband died, but there are several things that have been getting on my nerves recently:

* She changes her mind regularly - seriously I don't know whether I'm coming or going half the time and now my DH has started doing the same.
* She and DH are often arguing atm.
* She swears around Michaela and says some pretty nasty things about some of her children and I feel really uncomfortable about it.
* Sometimes she ignores me completely. She had a heap of firewood, kindling and coal and I told her that we're not allowed to use coal in our woodburner "yeah I know" she responded "but there's not much so you might as well finish it off and then just don't buy anymore". I told her everytime she mentioned it (about 3 times) that I didn't want the coal and suggested that she give it to a friend or throw it out and then when we went to get the firewood on Saturday sure enough, she gave us the coal too and told us to use it up because "there's so little there there's no point throwing it out" *bangs head against brick wall*
* We had a huge clash when Michaela was a baby because she wanted to spit in her hair to make it curly (yes, I said spit!). DH and I constantly argued about it because he supported his mum saying that his hair is curly because his mum spat in it when he was a kid - I mean seriously, how on earth can a usually intelligent man become such a dumbass when it comes to supporting his mum. In the end I had to email him because we couldn't talk about it (turned into fight everytime we did) and I emailed him a study showing how many forms of bacteria are found in the human mouth. Anyway every now and then she makes little comments to Michaela that her hair would be nice and curly if I'd let her spit in it.
* She comes upstairs and does housework (not really a bad thing) and puts things where she wants them and folds things the way she wants them so I have to go around moving my wine glasses from the kitchen to the wine cupboard or refold my nappies so they can be used (for eg). Plus I feel guilty that she's doing my housework and I'm already getting the impression from some of DH's siblings that they think we've invited her to live with us for selfish reasons.
* She is useless with money and is constantly trying to encourage us to be the same. We are trying to stick to a tight budget at the moment and she turns up saying there's a sale on at a certain shop here have $50 to go and spend you can pay me back. I've had to put my foot down and say no, we don't need anything and I'm not spending money we don't have for the sake of spending it.
* DH keeps saying he wants to give up smoking but whenever his mum's around they spend their time outside smoking and when I gave up she was constantly offering me cigarettes (she thinks she's being nice but it's an awful thing to do to someone who's giving up smoking).
* She has so much junk and it's not all going to fit in the bedsit and I don't want to store it in our garage.

I'm so scared that she'll try and interfer in our parenting and in our marraige, I'm scared that I'm going to lose my evenings alone which I really enjoy, and that I'm going to have to share meal times, share my kitchen and eat stuff she's cooked. I'm worried that Michaela's quality time will suffer because MIL is grieving, her husband passed away from throat cancer at easter 1 month ago today and her first husband (my DH's dad) passed away from throat cancer at easter 27 years so she is going through a pretty awful time and I'm pleased we are in a position to help but I don't want to do so at the expense of my daughter.

I know most of these things do sound pretty irrational but all coupled together it's got me really worried about the move.

One thing I made sure was that there's a review date. We're living with her for 6 months and then deciding what to do going forward.

I'm going to make more of an effort to take Michaela out during the weekends for quality time if I feel suffocated at home.

I'm going to utilise the "I'm really tired" line if I want time to myself in the evening and I'll just go to my room after Michaela goes to bed and go to sleep.

Sorry for the thread jack Italiah - at least you now know you're not alone!!


Edited by MrsMojo

Good idea Topsy. Even if you put the pros and cons down in writing for when you talk to your DH about it. Try and be unemotional about it and appeal to him in the sense that the family and business would be losing space etc.

stick to your guns, if your not going to be happy then you need to say so , I could not do it either !!

baalamb wrote: Wow that spitting thing is so incredibly disgusting! Just to make it curly???! WTF?! I can't believe your DH agreed with that. I hope it's just a bad, bad old wives tale.

I don't think it's an old wives tale as I don't know of anyone else that's ever heard of it but sometimes she comes up with some real weird things.

I was told that if I held my newborn baby too much she'd get a bad back as her bones would be weak and deformed. I did hold her alot but there's no sign of any back problems. In hindsight I suspect Michaela had undiagnosed silent reflux and she had to be held alot - either that or left to scream constantly.

I can't think of any of the other things at the moment but some of them were really way out there. The trouble was that because she regularly came out with these things that I knew were complete bullocks when she did come up with pearls of wisdom I often ignored them until I had 2nd and 3rd opinions agreeing with her.

Edited by MrsMojo

Oh no Italiah.....I dont know what to say?
I get along with my MIL and lived with her for 3 years and then moved out just before Zaara was born (Thank God), as like your MIL, mine tried to tell me what to do, when to do, how to do etc....It drove me nut!! I had major fights with DH. As like your DH mine is a bit of a mummys boy!!

Any who what I am saying is. It is their house so you cant really tell them that they cant renovate the house. If they do live there with you, you are (guaranteed) have MIL on your face all the time and (Guaranteed) will have fights with your DH = Disaster!!

Therefore I suggest that you tell MIL and SFIL that even tho you can see where they are coming from, however it really wont suit you and your family at the mo. So the best thing will be to move out. Talk to DH and tell him that you feel strongly about this and regardless of what plans he has your marriage and sanity is more important so you need to move out.

Your DH has just got to see the big picture!!

I do hope things gets sorted out in your Fav hun!! I can sorta feel your agnger/frustration etc.

Italiah - show DH your top post.

OMG Italiah and MrsMojo... surely there's some programme for women in your situations - like witness protection, but DIL-protection or something?!?  Yeeouch.  I'd have gone spare.  And I like my MIL!  But I still wouldn't consider co-habitation unless it was for a reeeeally good reason, and I doubt she would too. 

Aw, Italiah - just shifting and renting from a normal (not related to you) landlord sounds like the best option by a long shot.  Maybe you need to point out to DH that renovating the house you're all living in is going to be a far greater disruption to his year than the 1 weekend it takes to shift house.  Far greater.  Immensely so!!  Heck, give me your e-mail and I'll put the fear of god into him about the realities of renovating with toddlers!  Ha ha.  Ah I don't want to make you feel worse, since you're already so very stressed about it all... but man, do I feel for you.  Good luck on coming to an agreement with your DH on what to do.