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Forum LockedSo disgusted right now...

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emz View Drop Down
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    Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:31pm
My friend just came around today to tell me what I've feared for ages... another friend 'K' has come off the BCP to get pregnant and her boyfriend has absolutely no idea I know of this happening, but I seriously did not think she would be so incredibly selfish.

Her bf has never wanted to get married or have kids, he's never said he loves her (yes he has issues) and she's stayed with him for over 5 years. Me, I would've left if he didn't want the same things as me. Then, he builds a house and makes her sign an agreement that all the money she pays towards mortgage/rates etc can never be claimed back as relationship property. She signs because he said she's not allowed to move in otherwise. Clever on his part, stupid on hers.

She then anounces to a room-full of people one night that the only way she will get a child (which she desparately wants) is to sneakily go off the BCP. Dim bf doesn't hear or is just too thick to listen. We were all shocked by this.

Well, her friend has come off the BCP in prep for TTC when they get married, so K decides to come off too. She's been off it for a month without informing her bf at all. Her plan?

To get pregnant and hope that
a) he doesn't kick her out (like he has said he would before when she mentioned wanting to get pg)
b) his parents basically force him into doing the 'right' thing by her and the baby and they stay together.

Ick, ick, ick. What I am so stirred up about is that she is being so selfish. If she does get pg, this poor child is going to either belong to a solo mother that doesn't have a sent to her name or family support to cope (which is fine, except that she is PLANNING to do this without being in a situation where she could even cope on a benefit due to so much debt), or have a father that never wanted the child in the first place and resents the mother for what she has done.

I'm seriously fuming. Why would you bring an innocent child into something like that when you have agreed with your partner not to? Grr

Anyway, ranty over.
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emz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote emz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:32pm
Wow, sorry for the novel!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BabyOnBoard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2008 at 10:48pm
OMG sounds like they both have issues and are really do NOT want the same things in life.

Sorry you have to be caught in it all!
And you are so right about the innocent life
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Snickerdoodle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 6:39am

That's just awful.
Originally posted by emz emz wrote:

b) his parents basically force him into doing the 'right' thing by her and the baby and they stay together.

Why would you even want that?
There's obviously a complete lack of respect and trust in that "relationship" - IMO these are two very strong foundations needed for a partnership to work.
It seems self esteem is an issue, too.
Is there anyone that can talk her round?
How old is she?
I'd hate to see her do this, only to realise the huge mistake she's made

*hugs* I hate to see people get caught up in other peoples stupidity. I hope she sees sense. And soon.


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NeoshasMummy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NeoshasMummy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 8:21am
Thats just horrific and selfish how could she allow such a horrible man to be a father to her child!!!!


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Roksana View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roksana Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 8:52am
what is this chic thinking? the guy she is with doesnt seem even remotely interested in her...getting her to sign the agreement etc...hello why would you want to be with a guy like that? let along have a baby?

She needs to be talked too....I hate to think that she will bring a baby into the world that will be only loved by one parent!!

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emz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote emz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 10:06am
I know, I don't know why she hasn't left him. I think it is a self-esteem thing, she doesn't think she can do any better (she definitely can). We've told her time and time again to leave him or give him an ultimatum as its not fair for her to have to compromise on everything.

She's 23 and has only just moved out of home (as has he). I don't think she has the maturity to see what she's doing actually. I mean I'm younger than her but we had Jack knowing we were stable financially and emotionally.

I tried to talk her round and all she said was 'I don't care, it's the only way I'm going to get a baby'. Which is fine, babies are cute and all, but they also come with 18+ years of duty.
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MyBelly View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MyBelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 10:17am
this is exactly what my DH's ex did to him, she came off the pill without his knowledge and said when she did get preg "oh the pill cant have worked" but she had told (like your friend) other people who told my DH.
to cut a long story short, DH and I now have joint custody of his daughter, but we hate and have no respect for her mother,
your friend needs to realise that she will hurt a hell of a lot more people that just her partner if she goes through with this.
IMO she sounds like a lil bit of a plonker, shes only 23, she still has 10+ years to have a baby and she will need the support of a loving partner to give that baby the best she can in life.

grrrrr sorry bout the long post but this has got me really riled up
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Rachael21 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rachael21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:15am
Man I feel a bit sorry for her. She obviously has some issue and her bf sounds like a real ass. I hope she comes to her senses and finds someone way better for her.
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ginger View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ginger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:30am
This is a really stupid question, I know! But what is BCP? I'm guessing it's the contraceptive pill (?) but what does the B stand for?
Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00
Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41
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MrsMojo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrsMojo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:36am

Originally posted by ginger ginger wrote:

This is a really stupid question, I know! But what is BCP? I'm guessing it's the contraceptive pill (?) but what does the B stand for?

 

I just figured this out recently ... it's the Birth Control Pill (I think)

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ginger View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ginger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:42am
That makes sense - duh! Thanks Jo!    
Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00
Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41
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Bobbie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bobbie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 11:47am
haha I was getting stuck on PSN for ages (wasn't a phrase in my day )

Back on topic though - I think that's horrible and I actually hope she's not successful (which in itself is a horrible thing to hope) but it sounds like she needs to grow up a LOT before she has a baby.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Aprilfools Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 12:58pm
That is completely ridiculous and wrong on so many levels.

Can you not tell the guy what she's up to? It may be interferring but there is no way I would keep that little secret. I've been in your situation before and warned the guy who then broke up with the girl (my flatmate). I tried to talk her out of it but she was adament that a baby was 'just what they needed' to stay together. He had a right to know and was quite thankful that he had a narrow escape.
It's a revolting thing to do to a person and an awful thing to do to a child.

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nikkitheknitter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nikkitheknitter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:03pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fattartsrock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:37pm
Ok, I am in no way condoning it, but....

As someone who has been in a very similar sounding relationship and a situation when "everyone else" is having babies/getting married etc (and I was the same age as well). You want to have what everyone else is having. The man you are with has stripped away so much of your self worth you cannot possibly see how bad it really is or that you are worth so much more. You see all your friends settled and think that this must be "your lot" in life, a Baby might make that bearable (she thinks),A baby may seem to be a way that she can have someone who loves her uncondtionally no matter what.

I feel sorry for her, actually. I don't condone the deception at all, but I really do feel sorry for her.
The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fattartsrock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:39pm
Oh and to clarify, i didn't do the come off the pill get pregnant thing, luckily I knew I would be worse off if I got pregnant and I never wanted kids anyhow... (but magically got them anyway, years and years later)
The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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nikkitheknitter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nikkitheknitter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2008 at 1:51pm
Yeah Annie... I could see that being the situation.

I can not get my head around deception like that too... but then desperate times. Man I wish abuse (emotional and physical) didn't happen.
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