Struggling.

Why am i struggling to be a working mum? I only work part time shouldnt it be easy? People say i should like i because i get 'free' time away from my baby and the house. I dont know if thats the case. I wake up the morning i have to go to work and i dont want to get out of bed. Some days im so sick of going to work just to get yelled at.

Today is worse, i have been up every two hours all night and i feel like crap. I dont want to go to work but i dont want to stay home either.

My nana rang last night, my grandad is dying and they dont think hes going to make christmas. Hes the only family i knew growing up. Well and nana of course. Hes not supposed to die! Hes the first person to die in my close family.

My mum was crying last night but i dont know what to do, do i hug her? Because we have never hugged before i feel uncomfortable.. Why is it like that?
Why do things have to be so hard.

How do people work full time and handle it? I feel like im barely managing 20 hours a week. How stupid is that. I feel like its silly i mean i should just get over it people have it alot harder.

I feel like i dont have time for anything yet all i have is time. I want to take Kylah places and do things but then people comment on her. I want to take her to music groups and swimming but i just feel like then i wont be having 1 on 1 time with her to encourage crawling. People see her and they are like 'oh shes cute' then the next comment is usually, Is she crawling? When i say no they back off a bit like Oh is there something wrong?

I dont know maybe im just over reacting. I just feel like everything is getting ontop of me and im not achieving anything.

Thanks for listening to my vent. Just having a bad patch i gess.

Sorry to hear about your Gdad

Sorry to hear about your grandpa. I know its hard to lose people you love.

Don't worry about Kylah, she will crawl when she is ready. You are doing an amazing job and you have a beautiful little girl. Show her off to the world.

You're not alone. Most of the time I don't feel like I'm coping. I've got a days worth of dishes sitting in the sink and I'm about to get elbow deep in poo nappies that need to me cleaned. Yay to be me.

I too take my hat off too you Kandice!! Your doing an awesome job with Kylah and working part time too (heck I can barely manage being a stay at home mum) People that back off when you say she isn't crawling need to find other things to complain about... babies ALL do things at different stages and there is no right or wrong way to the way they develop. Some never even crawl YOU are a fantastic mum and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise

I'm also really sorry to hear about your Grandad hun!! I'm sure if you gave your mum a big hug she'd know where the feelings were coming from and the awkwardness would soon pass

Stay strong!!

Oh honey  what an awful time you're having.  I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad.

 

I can totally relate to being a working mum.

 

I started back fulltime when Michaela was 5mo.  I hated it.  I feel like I'm not a good mother because I don't stay at home with her.  I'm tired all the time due to trying to fit everything into my day because I work 7.5 hr days starting at 7:30am, I come home early to spend playtime with Michaela then do dinner, bath bed routine then clean the house.  I barely see DH because we work different hours and when I'm home in the evening I may as well be a solo mum because there's noone around to support me when I need it as DH is at work until past my bedtime.  I feel as though Michaela doesn't get as much of my energy and attention as I think she should because I'm tired and busy.  This is turning into my own little rant so I'll stop now but the reason I'm sharing is I want you to know you're not alone.

 

Being at work has lots of positives too - money is a big one!  Earlier this year we had a thread called the joys of being a working mum, here's the link: http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13521&KW=working+mum

While you're at it there's "tips for being a working mum" http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15358&KW=working+mum and "every mum is a working mum" http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15359&KW=working+mum

 

Being a working mum is something that I reluctantly had to come to terms with, I don't have any other options at the moment but I do now have a goal to look forward to of having another baby and staying at home with 2 kids.

 

Don't worry about Kylah's crawling.  She's still well within the range of "normal".  Is she getting around without crawling?  She may skip the crawling stage entirely, especially if she's mobile anyway.  My friends son rolled everywhere from about 3mo, he never crawled, but he was the first from our coffee group to get up and start walking just before his first birthday. 

 

Missed or late stages aren't a reflection on you as a parent.  I understand how you feel you should be doing more, we've been through the same thing with Michaela's talking (she was an early talker but 9 months ago stopped and now says less than a 1/4 of the words that children her age should be saying)... it's simply mortifying to hear how children younger than her talk non-stop and have such a large vocabulary.  DH and I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how to encourage talking and dissecting what we're doing wrong but the fact is she's a cheeky little minx who will talk when she wants to and atm she communicates really well so doesn't need to.

 

Enough of my novel, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and you're not alone.

Edited by MrsMojo

Sorry to hear about your granddad Kandice, i lost my gran last year, and i still miss her heaps , im just grateful that i got 20 good years with her (the last 6 she had dementia so bad she didnt recognise me)

as for the working, i so know what you mean , i work 35 hours a week and i hate it, doesnt help that my employer (or rather his wife , who pretty much runs the place) is totally unsupportive when it comes to issues with Caitlyn,I cant wait to get pregnant and leave (note, thats NOT why i want a baby, just an added bonus )

*hugs* hun , hope things start looking up soon

Big hugs Kandice and sorry to hear about your grandad

K... re: your comment about not being able to buy the things you want to buy Kyla. Don't you think she'd much rather spend time with a happy mama rather than have 'stuff'?

I say either look for a new job or scrap working all together for a while (if you can afford it). And as Meow says... you are probably doing atleast 3 times as much (on 3 times less sleep!) than normal people so don't think you are feeling crap for no reason.

And everyone who makes comments about Kyla not crawling can feck off... she'll be fine!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. xox

ETA: Sorry about your Grandad too

Edited by nikkiwhyte

Like everyone has said you are doing an awesome job!. To work and raise a family is a lot for woman to take on but many of us do it and though it seems hard at times we are only doing what we think is best. I commend you for working, even if it's part time. I'm not a working mum but I am full time studying and with only DP working I sometimes wish that I was able to provide money towards buying my son all the things I think he needs...the key words being "what I think" he needs. I'm thankful for opshops, trademe, sales etc cos they allow me to buy my son nice things but not break the bank in the process.
Take your daughter to music classess etc whatever you're wanting to do together. It doesn't matter whether it is you two on your own or participating in a group you are still spending that one on one time with her. Don't worry about what comments others make. Kahtrell didn't start crawling til around 9 or 10 months, and 2 or 3 months later he was walking. She'll crawl when she's ready, I'd say enjoy this time when she's not mobile because once she is you'll be on your feet chasing after her! lolz. Sorry to hear about your Grandfather, I never had the opportunity to know either of my granddad's, one of them I wouldn't ever want to know ( extremely abusive to my nan...to the point where he blinded her) the other died when my father was 6 years old. I think all grandchildren have a special type of bond with the G-pas. If possible try and spend time with him, take your daughter and just spend time together. It's always hard losing a loved one, but there is nothing to stop you from still making loving memories.

As a mom it is sometimes really difficult for us to not compare our kids and I find this extremely difficult and have to keep myself in check. Specially when other people ask you all the time.

I didnt have it with crawling but had it because her skin was almost transparent like (no it isnt an iron dificiency, so what if I am still breastfeeding, and yes she is eating enough, I know she looks thin) Then the ever is she still breastfeeding? Have you started potty training? ect ect ect.

It just never stop. You yourself have to say bugger that I know I am doing the best for my girl and that is it.

She is well in the normal range for crawling or in this case not crawling. Why not take her to swimming? Wont do any harm and will give you that quality time with her.

I sometimes find myself that I cleaned the whole house, shouted a few times at McKayla, started the food and Grant coming home and the whole house is messed again and it looks like I havent done anything and my daughter literally had to entertain herself. Specially when I study and then I start feeling really quilty. I think that is a mom thing.

Sorry about your Granddad. Give that girl of yours an extra big hug tonight and get yourself a nice big slab of chocolate and cuddle up with your partner tonight and tell him to give you a big hug.