Smacking!

Ok so I know this has been done, but a post on TM got me thinking if you were in the supermarket at a playgroup and saw someone smacking would you
a) make a comment to the parent
b) report it to the police
or c) ignore it and let a parent parent they way tehy want too.
Remember this is a smack not a beating.
The following is a cut and paste of my post on TM and I want honest opion's I promise not t oget upset or offended I jsut want to know what you wonderful ladies think.
well
I usually shy away from thread's like this on here, but because i had something like this affect me personally I feel the need to post. I was at MM a few week's back and witnessed my Son who is not usually like this hit and push another child smaller and younger so I grabed him slightly roughly and smacked his bum as far as I was concerned his behavour was totally unacceptable and needed to be punished. However a lady who witnessed this went to a leader of the group and informed her she was considering calling the police on me. Now I am a great Mum who loves my kid's more then life itself, but if I think my child has hurt another child for no real reason's then I am going to punish him the way I see fit. Now everytime I see that person(I worked out who it was) I am totally parinoid to even raisemy voice to my son. I do think if you witness something that is out of control and abusive then something need's to be said, but threating to call the police on a good Mum is a waste of police time and taking resorcese that are already streashed to teh max form the families and kid's who really need it. CYFS have enough real abuse cases that they struggle to deal wit hdue to lack of resorces and People who want to report good parent's are jsut making thing's worse for Kids who really are being abused. In hine sight smacking for smacking is pretty reiculous and I must admit to be honest it certainly was not my finest Moment as a Mummy, but at the sametime I certainly don't think it warrented being threated with the police either. As for comfronting the woman I have thought about it, but she is a pretty strong personality So am I jsut not as strong I don't know I could get the gut's. I was thinking of speaking to the leader and explainign to her that i think i know who it was and maybe could we have a chat to her together to clear the ear as I have jsut discovered her son attend's the same preschool as mine and well I just wonder if maybe she has said something there.

Just to add I actually really like this lady and don't think she was trying to be nasy, but I do think she was taking thing's too far and would of prefered her to come to me.








Edited by ButterflyMum

If it was a small smack for something that was dangerous e.g. running onto the road etc then I'd ignore it.

As for the above post, well I'm not sure. I guess it depends how 'rough' she was when handling the child and how hard she smacked, but I'd probably ignore it.

My opinion is that the anti smacking law doesn't work because I don't thing it is stopping people who bash their kids.

I think that there is a BIG difference between a light smack for a child's safety and a hit/bash for the sake of dealing with behaviour.

It will be interesting to read others opinions.

Edited by Brenna

thanks ladies I am going to read this all with great intrest.

butterflymum if i saw what you did i wouldnt think anything of it but that youre disciplining your child.......i think the antismacking law rely on peoples commonsense to what warrants police involvement and what involves minding your own business.....the antismacking law doesnt mean butt your nose into how others choose to teach their kids........but watch out for ABUSE of our kids........

i dont think you have to do anything or justify yourself to that lady or anyone who doesnt have the commonsense of a situation.....if the police was contacted im sure they would be annoyed at wasting their time..... 

ButterflyMum wrote: However a lady who witnessed this went to a leader of the group and informed her she was considering calling the police on me. . In hine sight smacking for smacking is pretty reiculous and I must admit to be honest it certainly was not my finest Moment as a Mummy, but at the sametime I certainly don't think it warrented being threated with the police either. As for comfronting the woman I have thought about it, but she is a pretty strong personality So am I jsut not as strong I don't know I could get the gut's. I was thinking of speaking to the leader and explainign to her that i think i know who it was and maybe could we have a chat to her together to clear the ear as I have jsut discovered her son attend's the same preschool as mine and well I just wonder if maybe she has said something there.

 at the lady threatening to call the police!  Sounds like this mum realised she hadnt done the best thing at the time (smacking in anger) and was sorry.  Depends on the situation I guess and your gut feeling, in that case where I had witnessed everything I wouldnt be involving myself.  (I was going to say interfering but thats not the right word.......in the right circumstances I would certainly interfere!!).  Sounds like a case of a mum who was angry and lost her temper and felt crap about it afterwards, yep Ive been there!

ok...here's my thoughts and i hope this comes out right because i'm in a hurry

i smack jack when he is being naughty simply because
a) that's what works
b) he's my child and i'll discipline how i like
c) it's a light smack on the bum, not a beating!

not that i should really have to justify myself and the way i do things with my children, but that's just how it feels these days. the other day he was being a right little brat in the supermarket and i couldn't do a dam thing about it because of this stupid smacking law! i was afraid someone would call the police like the woman mentioned above

jack doesn't respond to the naughty seat...he puts himself there and loves sitting on the chair...i threaten to take toys away..he helps me pack them up! he went a whole week without a single toy in his room and didn't care. just made more work for me when it came time to put everything back

know i've forgotten what the original post was asking

oh yeah....i think the woman threatening to call the police is going overboard but that's just the way it is these days with that stupid new law.   anyone seen the news the past couple of weeks with toddlers dying and being beaten? about 3-4?   gee, that new anti-smacking law is really helping eh!

The repeal of section 59 was basically just to remove consequential smacking. So that means in layman's terms that smacking in any way can no longer be a punishment so no whack on the bottom for rubbing Mummy's lipstick in the carpet. BUT smacking IS allowed if you are physically moving your child or any part of it out of dangers way, so smacking your child's hand away from a hot stove element is just fine.
IMO this is a HUGE loophole that can be practically extended to 80% of consequential smacking anyways, I mean really that lady for smacking her son could be preventing an all out war between 2 children shoving and pushing that could ultimately mean that one of them gets hurt. So there for the consequentialness is basically just down to timing.

Personally I am all down for letting others parent as they see fit and I say that as within my own moral standards. I don't believe that smashing your child about is parenting at all and I don't really use smacking myself as a parenting tool, this case is clearly not smashing her child about just parenting.

catrad wrote: think if your child was the smaller child that got pushed or hit what would YOU want the other childs parent to do????

I wouldn't want them to smack their child.

joshierocks wrote: Sorry Deb, but I would have come up and had a word to you. I think it is totally wrong to smack children, for ANY REASON AT ALL. And especially because you were smacking your child for smacking another kid. How does that make sense to a 3 year old??? Smacked for smacking? Doesn't make sense to me and I'm 33. Also, as was mentioned by cuppatea - if I'd witnessed it myself, my concern would have been if you will do that in public, what will you do in private?    I'm sure you are a fabulous mum, and love your kiddies to bits, so I'm not getting at you here. But if more people took a stand against any form of violence against children then maybe, just maybe, the message might start getting through to the ones who really need it.

 

Yep, I agree with this.

I believe that smacking is unnecessary, I think it is more about parents venting their shock or anger than anything else.  I also think it sets up bad habits in children.  From a child pov they are doing something you don't want them to do so you smack them, why then is it not ok for them to smack other people when they are doing something that they don't want them to do?  (does that make any sense).  As cuppatea said if that's what goes on in public what is happening in private?

I don't think that the lady at MM handled it very well.  I would have spoken with you privately (in an empathetic way rather than accusatory) and it would depend on the outcome of that conversation as to whether I would call the police (i.e. if you then became agressive towards me I would consider calling the police).

Edited by MrsMojo

OK, I'm not a parent yet so things may be different in the future, but I'd respond c) to the initial poll. While I don't see smacking as the main form of discipline I want to use, I do feel there are some times when it is appropriate (e.g. for child safety). I won't be at the extreme my parents were at where we got smacked with a wooden spoon for not eating our breakfast.

I think my reaction to witnessing smacking may differ depending on my relationship with the person and what I'd seen of their parenting/discipline style, but it's a really hard one - child abuse is scaringly prevalent and it doesn't just happen in the stereotypical households - it does happen in nice white middle class families as well, and if we don't stand up and say something, is this acceptable. I do agree that she should have said something to you rather than just the leader of the group, but as someone who is pretty bad about confronting people head on, I can kindof understand it.