Mother-In-Law Advice

I guess to me its someone who listens ...supports...helps when and where they see its needed (ie grabbing a load of washing in or PLAYING with the kids or taking them out for a trip).

Someone that is fair and lets us make decisions for our children as opposed to throwing their own judgments and opinions down our throats......

I dont mind listening to their ideas and what happened in their day but when its feeling like what I am doing is wrong and like I should be doing it their way..then I dont like it.

I spent time with my mum, my step-mum and my MIL when Jake was really new.

Here's what was great:
waiting to be asked for advice - not giving automatically
When stressing about bottle or breast, being told that whatever suits us as a family.
Taking baby off my hands for hours and just holding him while he cries
Taking baby hwile I'm eating

what doesn't work
I got really annoyed with MIL tidying my house - SHE REARRANGED THINGS. that pissed me off. If she had said "would you like me to..." i would have liked it much more.
When Jake was older, we decided not to smack him. In-laws smacked him, without asking us what our disciplining was - BTW we were there - not like we had left him with them and gone out.

Well my MIL is an angel, quite literally as she died when I was about 9 weeks pregnant which was really sad.

I think on my big things of "up there" with likes I would have to say.
1) Approval, I will never know if I will have her approval or not as to the way I am raising her child.
2) Love, HUGE one really. I think that it was just mega awesome that I got to tell my MIL that Olivia was around and growing, she got to have a little brag "I have 2.5 grand children!!" and that still touches me to this day. Olivia is also a really demonstrative child and loves giving kisses and hugs, I encourage her to seek both from her relatives no matter how obscure as it forms a wonderful bond.
3)History, I will never know if Olivia and Dale are much the same, no one can really remember and photo's are few and far between. I have a billion questions that will sit in my heart unanswered as they were only questions a mother knows.


Annoying me.
I think if anything would annoy me then it would have to be my big growl that is not for one specific family member. Being critical of my child and my parenting methods when you don't know us at all. And Ironically this is one of my own biggest crimes that I have committed (and amended) and it really rakes my teeth. You can only trial those that have done things to you, you can't make up your mind in heresay.
Lack of communication.

bad MIL

phones in the middle of the night drunk, when they know the kids are assleep (everyone is asleep in the normal world) and tries to guilt you into paying for a return ticket for her to engalnd! (i said id do 1 way to timbucktoo)
then tells the family that she never did any such thing!
shed asked almost every family member that night, she was just too drunk to remember!

and a bad MIL tries to play you off with your DH's Ex!

i guess a good 1 would be supportive, and not interfearing, not to opinionated on how you were doing things.
definatly not rearange your house (i hate that)
and ring before they turned up :)

I've probably got a better relationship with my MIL now than I did 2 years ago, it was never bad, but I think announcing our pregnancy to her early (7ish weeks as opposed to her finding out about DSS at 7 months - neither did DH), and the fact we live in the same town and none of her other grandchildren /children do means that we see each other regularly and have something extra in common. She is always interested in what Blair is doing, and I think she loves it when she gets to spend time with him as FIL tends to get more time with cuddles and play (kinda traditional in the fact he watches TV while she cooks and preps dinner etc) and I get the idea she feels that he will become the favourite grandparent over her.

She's always supportive, yet gives us our our space and I know that she would do anything for us - yes she does some annoying things, but hey who doesn't

Ours don't ring before visiting, but that's alright... so long as they KNOCK first!!! (some of you have heard the 'FIL and SIL bust in on nakey Andie' stories). I really like my in-laws, and my MIL it turns out has always purposefully tried to leave us to it and not over-step the line. I ended up telling her that a little more involvement would be great! My IL's, and my mum have been pretty good at basically falling into line with how we're raising Ella and what we do and don't let her get away with. That's fantastic if you ask me!   

I feel bad because we don't see her very often and we only live 2hrs away, but then she is a major pita - - mostly because she knows she is deaf but won't get a hearing aid and we have to yell at her (it's exhausting!)

She also had the cheek to say "you're not going to drink that are you" when I had one sip of wine at Xmas time and she smoked thru all her 3 pregnancies (I wasn't preg - just breastfeeding)

I thought it was nice that she wanted to take A for a walk, but her motivation was "being noticed" and so she could tell everyone she had taken A out for a walk.

But she totally loves A and gets v, excited getting photos etc. She was also very careful never to put any pressure on us about having her grandchild - unlike my parents.

Edited by DJ

Mine is pretty good. When me and DH first got together she wasn't exactly nice to me, but me being me put her in her place.

She is really good when it comes to Andrew and when I say something it goes (food wise). She always happily takes the boys for me (when we were in Palmy) when I needed timeout, or wanted to be an adult (with no resposibilities) again. I know they spoil the boys big time - but Andrew is now old enough to know that gran can do that but don't ask for it at home.

fleury wrote: My MIL is lovely, I really like her. But then she never interferes, she's English and sometimes I think that may be a difference. As it seems NZ MILs think their sons are gods gifts.

Nope mines English and she drives me nuts and i'm english too, it's definitely not that

good mil=loving, respectful of your ways/ ideas, there when you need help.
bad mil= forcing her own ideas onto you, telling you how to do it & you are doing it wrong etc, comparing your kids with her own kids & others, not buying presents.

I could go on & on about bad mils coz mine is a toad.