Joke of the Day!

LOL Charly.   I love it!!!

Here's a few from my stash.

BLONDE FISHING:

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after buying the right tools for the exercise she headed to the nearest frozen lake. After setting up her gear she proceeds to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Suddenly from the heavens a voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The poor blonde, startled, almost slipped and fell over, but she took her gear and moved further down the ice, poured herself a thermos of Nestle Hot Chocolate Lite and proceeded to cut another hole in the ice.

The voice bellowed again from the heavens, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Quite frightened she decided to move to the end of the ice..

Determined she began to cut a hole again and as she stood up with her tools once again the voice boomed "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The petrified blonde raised her head and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "NO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK." 
 
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TALKING CLOCK:

Proudly showing off her newly leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a fairly drunk female blond yuppie led the way to her bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the friends asked.

"Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock" she replied.

"A talking clock - seriously?"

"Yup" "(hic)."

"How's it work?" the second friend asked, squinting at it.

"Just watssch" she said.

She picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back. Her mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed "For f*ck's sake you stupid b * tch, it's ten past three in the f*cking morning!!!"

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CONFESSIONAL:

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Parisi ?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Parisi,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an
altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, "What'd you get?"
"4 months vacation and five good leads".

mwahahaha!! love it!

A father passing by his son's  bedroom, was astonished to see the
bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an
envelope, propped up prominently on the  pillow.
It was addressed,  'Dad.' With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read  the letter, with trembling  hands.

'Dear, Dad.
It  is with great  regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my  new  girlfriend, because I wanted to  avoid a scene with Mum and
you.
I've been finding real  passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew
you would not  approve of her,  because of all her  piercing's, tattoos,
her  tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she  is so much older than I
am.  But  it's not  only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that
we will be  very happy.
She owns a trailer in  the woods, and has a stack of firewood  for the
whole winter.
We share a dream of  having many more children. Stacy  has opened my eyes
to the fact  that  marijuana doesn't,  really hurt anyone.  We'll be
growing it for ourselves, and trading it with  the other people in  the
commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we  want..
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get  better.  She sure deserves  it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm  15, and I know how to take  care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back  to visit, so you can get to  know your
many grandchildren.

Love, your son,  Joshua.

P.S.. Dad,  none  of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.I just
wanted to  remind  you that there are worse things in life than the school
report  that's on  the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe  for me to come home  :)