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Joscia 
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Joined: 03 October 2007
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 Topic: Work Stuff - irresponsible?
Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:04am |
Hi Everyone,
Can you give me some advice on a bit of a predicament that I’m in at work?
Basically, my company wants me to take on some extra responsibilities – above and beyond my current role. We’ve been negotiating it for the last few months and it’s a pretty cool opportunity.
I’d be taking on more stuff from now, with an ongoing monthly commitment for next year. They want me to be almost like the ‘public face’ of the company – eek. 
Now the problem, obviously, is that I haven’t told them that I’m knocked up. And don’t really want to say anything until 12 weeks.
There isn’t anyone else here who would be able (or want to) take on this work / manage it etc – so I don’t really feel like I can say ‘actually, no, I don’t want to do it.’ But at the same time I feel like I’m ‘leading them on’ by starting it, and then effectively leaving them in the lurch mid-next year... (I’m due at the end of May)
What would you do?? Help!
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MummyFreckle
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:08am |
I guess it depends a lot on your relationship with your boss. TBH I would prob sit down and have a conversation with them in a frank and honest way - basically saying exactly what your post says....that you are really keen for the opportunity but dont want to let them down / lead them on etc. I know that ideally you would wait until you were 12wks but I think that they would appreciate your honesty, and obviously you can ask them to keep in confidential.
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:13am |
Simsam you said exactly what I was going to.
I actually think that letting them know about your pregnancy is the only thing you can morally do. Imagine how the boss would feel if you accepted the responsibility ad then told them in a months time that you're pregnant (I suspect trust would go out the window).
If you're open and honest about it there's a chance you'll be able to do this role for the next 4-6 months and train someone up to fill in for you when you go on maternity leave. In fact they can't discriminate against you for being pregnant so it's the likely outcome.
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Candkids
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:31am |
yep i aggree with the others
really you need to sit your boss down and 1st tell him you really do want the position but you really need to tell him your PG, before you accept the position as if i was your boss and you told me after youd accepted it id be pretty pi$$ed off and may cause a real tense situation with your job.
good luck 
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My3Sons
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:33am |
Yep I agree with the above, you are almost 9 weeks so you would be having that conversation in a few weeks time anyway, and CONGRATS on being offered the new postion, it sounds great!
Edited by KiwiMummy
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lilfatty
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:40am |
I concur with everyone 
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I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  LFs weight blog
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LJsmum
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 11:44am |
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I would do the same as everyone above:
If this was me I would Sit down with your boss and say :
What a great opportunity , thank you for thinking of me, would love to do it e.t.c e.t.c
but we are 9 weeks pregant and i wanted to tell you before we go any further.
I would leave it there express your interest e.t.c and then leave it up to your boss to decide how to proceeed.
Good luck :)
Are you going back to work after 12 weeks or taking a year off?
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Joscia
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 12:24pm |
Thanks for all your advice!
I do pretty much agree with you all – that was my gut instinct too. It’s been really hard not telling my boss so far, as we work really closely together and she’s so cool.
However: - She is not involved in this new project. It is working with people from other divisions who I am only just getting to know – so it kind of changes things a bit...
Milo – I’m hoping to take a year off, but again, pending on what happens with work – as I may be able to do some stuff part time / from home earlier.
I just had a big vent to DH and he reckons I should hold out til 12 weeks – which is just over 3 weeks away. I’m finding it quite stressful though - I hate feeling like I’m being ‘dishonest’ about it all – gah!
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fire_engine
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 12:46pm |
If you have a good relationship with your boss and she's not directly involved, could you tell her and get her advice?
The whole thing of when to tell is a hard one - I had the approach that if I MCed I would be gutted and people would find out anyway so I might as well tell them (and I was sick as a dog so couldn't hide it ) but I can fully understand why you would wait.
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kebakat
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 12:59pm |
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Is there any reason you and your DH want to hold out until 12 weeks to tell your boss? Like I told just by bosses when I was 5 weeks with Daniel because I thought it was important for them to know and then if something bad happened then they would understand why I might possibly need a couple of days off work. The rest of the people I worked with found out at about the 12 week mark anyway.
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Joscia
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 1:19pm |
Hmm - I might think about telling her next week...
The other thing which is stopping me is that I have a performance / pay review coming up - so I'd kinda like to have that out of the way, in case my 'announcement' changes anything. Though I know that it 'shouldn't and I'm probably just being paranoid
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pomikiwi
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 3:12pm |
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^^ work cant discriminate you in anyway for being pregnant, if you dont really want to tell them until 12 weeks, thats your right.
My DH was really p!ssed off when I told my boss that I was pregnant as they were offering me a new job, he didn't think I should say anything as we'd had a previous miscarriage and my GP even agreed that I shouldn't have to say anything unless I wanted too. But I jujst felt too quilty not letting her know. I still got the job obviously, but I think I worried for nothing. I thought it was just common courtesy.
It's your choice but don't feel too pressured, easier said then done though aye? - I'm sure you're boss will understand why you didn't want to say anything until 12 weeks.
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 3:23pm |
I got offered a job on a new team while I was pregnant. It wasn't really a promotion, just a sideways step, but before the job came up I was being made redundant. As it turned out others were passed over and I was offered the role.
I was about 25 weeks so everyone knew I was pregnant and I got stressed out that I might be discriminated against, especially when the boss asked me how long I planned to take off for maternity leave as one of my interview questions. Turns out she only asked that question so she could plan cover for me while I was away because she wanted to offer me the job.
I also got a fantastic bonus and payrise while I was on maternity leave too.
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BugTeeny
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 3:53pm |
I agree with everyone.
I think honesty is the best policy in this situation.
You can't legally be discriminated against for being pregnant. What about speaking to Human Resources? I spoke to our HR dept. when I first got pregnant and they were great at giving me guidelines about what the employers expect of their employees when it comes to pregnancy.
I was promoted and given a hefty salary increase when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I was even sent on training courses that were designed to further my progression through the company.
If anything, they've done more for me as they want me to come back.
I can understand your hesitation, but pregnancy is a natural thing to happen - you won't be their first, or last, employee to be in that situation, so it's good for them to have to figure out how to deal with it for future employees.
*hugs*
I hope you can figure it out. Keep us posted 
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busymum
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Posted: 24 October 2008 at 7:25pm |
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Jos I recently had a work review after letting work know that I was pg and that I planned to take 6mos off. They said what they would do instead of a raise was to give me a bonus - which I could take now or when I go. (I chose when I go cause then I can get it in the next financial year and that makes a big diff for our current WFF.)
I can't see any reason why you shouldn't tell them next week... 9 weeks is pretty 'secure' as far as m/c go, and it would make you more excited about the new stuff if you had that stress behind you. If you're shy about it, you could ask your boss to mention it to one of the people in charge of the decision in a strictly confidential way.
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Work Stuff - irresponsible?
