different last name

Screw what your mum thinks. If you want to give her your DP's last name then do that. One of my friends gave their child to a different partner his last name when they got married. It was made to be part of the ceremony where he formally welcomed him into his family, it was really cool.

I'd do it. For a while there we were considering giving boys in our family my maiden name and girls DH's surname just so that my family line wouldn't die out (as we've all had girls). I bet you're not the only one to do it.

i know a few people that have different surnames than their siblings.
DP has a different surname to his sister, and their mum has a different name again so he definitely doesn't think it is weird.

i think maybe my mum just needs to get over the fact that he is in my life and is going to stay there. and after all the baby is half his i didn't make him all by myself lol.

My older sister and I have my mum's maiden name, the younger ones have my dads name. Personally, I hated it as a child. One of the schools we went to refused to acknowledge we were siblings, to the point where when my little sister was seriously hurt, they didn't come and get me to comfort her because I wasn't recognised as family Fortunately she asked one of her friends to come and find me. It also didn't help that the one sibling I did share a name with wasn't very nice to me, and I dearly wanted to be part of the younger set. On the plus side, it made it very easy to take my DH's name when I got married, cos I had no attachment to my old name, and it meant no more explaining that yes, actually I'm so&so's sister even though we have different names. Now that I have rings on my finger, no-one flinches at the different name. (And its kind of handy at times that the family connection isn't immediately obvious given some of the situations we cross paths these days!).
So thats my 2 cents. I think its much more common these days though, so perhaps they child will no longer have to explain themselves 3 times a week anymore.
My father offered my sister and I the chance to take his name when I was 9. I thought it would be a bit weird, but I was happy for it to happen. My 12 year old sister threw a giant tanty and said absolutely not because she had "established herself" in her current name. They didn't want to force her, and they decided it would be worse to have 1 kid with a different name than 2, so I wasn't allowed. I spent the next 14 years (till I got married) wishing I had though!
A friend of mine in highschool changed her name to her mother's maiden name after their messy divorce, and she did it between intermediate and highschool, so she simply started the new school with the new name. Seemed to work quite well I thought.

my first 2 have a different surname to #3 me and DH, but we have hyponated it with DH surname - DD took a little while to actually want just to do it - as she didn't want to hurt her birth dads feelings - so we left it for her and when she decided she want to we did - we have not legally changed it but at school etc .... we have. There would be no way my ex would let me change it legally so will do when the kids are older and ex won;t have a choice (besides if we did legally ex would not have to pay child support - what little he does!)

Firstly, my parenting mantra is always that you need to work out what works for you and bugger all the other people so take the rest of my advice with a grain of salt.

Some of my more strident feminist friends who naturally kept their names post marriage/civil union are giving their kids different surnames depending on gender or birth order. I suppose the thing to remember is that it isn't the name itself that creates the bond but at the same time changing a name might be a big thing to an older (say 4-5 year+ child).

Another suggestion could be that your DF takes your name, Some dudes have done that! And I suppose if there is going to be any name changing going on, it is only natural that all possiblilties are considered (might also be a good thinking exercise for your partner to realise how big a commitment the name change is).

I'm a bit iffy of parents changing surnames to spite parents. My partner's evil ex likes to call their daughter by her surname even though he is very much in the picture both in finacial and parenting terms! It also really annoys the kiddo.

Right enough crazy ramblings for me!

i say go with what you want to do. if your daughter is happy to stay with her name I say leave it.. and tell her she can change it if she ever wants to one day..

in my friend's family due to the country they live in they have all got different names ... which is confusing but i think in your situation it would be fine.. !

If it helps, I had a different last name than my siblings. It never really bothered me at all

Edited by Kellie

I say do what feels right for you. When I was growing up my sister and I had my Dad's surname while my brothers and mum had my stepfathers surname. Kind of a different scenario than what you're going through because while mum brought us up dad was still in the picture.

However as far as my brothers were concerned (technically my half brothers but to me they're just my brothers) the fact that we had different surnames made no difference at all to how I felt about them or how we were seen by others. In all honesty until I read this I never really thought about the fact that we had different surnames so for us it had absolutely no impact at all.

I totally agree with E - Surfer Girl!

I know a girl in school who had exactly the same situation and the girls HATED it! Also as E said it would be so much easier to change ALL your names once you do get married.

At the end of the day it is totally up to you though.