in laws

it's the day for starting threads i think.

Anyway, about three years ago,I and the in laws (well mainly the sis in law) had a big falling out. Now I wrote about that on Ohbaby and everyone agreed I was right and she was wrong. . we've moved on and everything is okay, BUT I find myself overally sensitive when they are around.

now M IL and FIL are lovely lovely people, but whenever MIL in particular does anything, I feel myslef bristling. she hangs out the washing and I interpret that as "I can't believe I have to do this - you are so lazy" - in fact, anything she does cleaning-wsie, I interpret as this.

I also am well aware this is MY problem - not hers. She genuinely doesn't think the way I think she is thinking. and what is weird is I KNOW THIS. She loves to help, but I hate her doing it.

So my question is this - how can i get over myslef? They arrive on wednesday for over a week, and i know they will drive insane if I let them.

lol - i think it must just be a MIL thing! I'm sure they're all out to get us!!

Mine does the same - any little comment she makes I read something insulting into.

I can also understand. I used to hate it when my MIL used to help out around the house and took it as a criticism of me. Though also like you I know that she is only doing it to be helpful as she is a really lovely person.

I can handle it better these days as I am just really grateful for any help anyone gives me/us. If anything I may be a little embarrassed to show that I can't do everything (I've always had a problem with asking and accepting help).

Anyway I guess I just kept telling myself that she is only doing it because she cares about us and wants to be helpful and eventually I started to accept it - I have to say that it was pretty cool to come home one day a couple of weeks ago to find that she had mowed our lawns for us

I love MIL threads

Hey...flip side...mine would sit on her arse while I ran around after everyone.

And then my Mum would come & help out & I hate it!! I guess that is cause she only visits for 5 mins! I think what annoys me is she doesn't ask she just does.

My theory is, if you are staying with someone, do your fair share! If you notice they've put on the washing, ask would you like me to hang it out.

Been there heaps, I get on really well with my IL, but there have been times when things have not been so smooth.

As they say..don't sweat the small stuff, so not worth it. Let her help out, have a few jobs or things in mind when she offers or buts in...like how about making us a cup of tea or doing something with the kids, etc.

Try not to take offense to her doing things, she probably feels in the way or want to contribute or maybe even impress you, she may want to feel more like family than a visitor.

I used to be anal about the way I like things done, but now I am not so, I get the kids to do things & DH, & it is not the way I do things, but who really cares.

Get a routine set up for when they come to stay, so you don't have to entertain them every second & you have time away otherwise it will do your head in.

Keep reminding yourself it is only for a few days & enjoy the xmas as a family.

Grr don't even get me started on my MIL! I see her EVERY DAY pretty much and its driving me crazy. She just comes over and revs the kids up, sits on her ass then leaves a couple of hours later. (and expects us to sit on our asses while she's here so the house is a shambles, we don't eat til about 8 (she doesn't eat so always come over at tea time) and the kids get bathed in the morning by me because we never have time once she's gone)

minik8e wrote: Not helped by her calling them "her" daughters on a number of occasions (which in my infinite wisdom, I take as belittling the effort I have put in).

Mine does this as well! Does my fricken head it and I bristle as soon as she says it which is usually 5 mins after walking in the door!

My IL's do my head in and I can't think of anything worse then spending time with them but do as its important to DH. I do matyr myself though and tend to keep the kids close to me etc which is the total wrong way fo going about things and very immature.

My MIL is already taling about taking "my boys" away for a week each school holidays..hmmm, think not as DH is a teacher and would prob like to see his kids in the holidays and why would I want soemone to take my kids for a whole week. 2-3 days yes.

Just think that one day all of us will be in laws lol. Will our kids talk about us in the same way??

My MIL is cool. She is very aware of not offending us, especially me. She keeps her nose out. Will ask if we want her opinion before expressing it. She follows what we want to do and rather than her being here with Daniel she has him at her house.

Aliasmum wrote: I love MIL threads My theory is, if you are staying with someone, do your fair share! If you notice they've put on the washing, ask would you like me to hang it out.

That's always been my way of thinking as well, and Mum always expected me to help out where ever I went. But I have noticed that Dh doesn't do hardly anything when he goes home, he doesn't even do the dishes I don't know if its cause he's their only child or cause he's a boy or both.

After all we're staying with family not in a hotel!

Ooh I have a good MIL story from the weekend!

Normally MIL & I get on pretty well. We had a bit of a rocky start (DH's family is staunch catholic & we'ren't terribly happy when he brought little old me home wearing doc martins, fishnet stockings & piercings galore. I think they thought he'd meet a nice catholic girl at mass-which incidently he wasn't even attending anymore when I met him.) Anyway, in time I have grown into an "acceptable young woman" & they've learnt to accept me. Having DS gave me MASSIVE brownie points-if I had known all I had to do to gain acceptance was have a baby I could've done that ages ago .

Anyway, MIL & I now get on just fine. She lives in Johanesburg with the rest of our families, which helps. Last week DH's family all wanted to know what names we were thinking of for the new baby. DH didn't want to tell them because he was worried they would criticise all our choices, but I told him he was being silly & we should share our names so they would feel involved. So we sent an email telling them how I really love Scarlett, we both like Sienna (although we worry it's a bit common) & giving a few other names we kind of like. As DH expected his sister emailed back criticising most of the names & giving reasons (some of which were just silly). Anyway, that wasn't the problem. On sunday night DH rang his mum & she told him straight off that she HATES the name Scarlett & we better not call our poor child by that name, & in fact even if we do call her Scarlett she will NEVER call her that. She says she is going to call her Chloe Catherine, no matter what we call her.    WTF? I was so offended. It has nothing to do with her what name we decide on & I think it's very rude to say the things she did. She had a chance to name her babies & now it's our turn.

Now I am more convinced than ever that we are going to call her Scarlett. Just to annoy MIL. I will have to find a way to convince DH. He thought his mum was being a right cow too (but he thinks I am just trying to get my way to use my name by bringing his mum into it...which is true hee hee hee )

MIL's-can't live with them, can't shoot them