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0mrs0ana0
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Topic: Nuchal Traslucency Ultrasound Scan? Posted: 05 February 2010 at 9:01pm |
Are you/did you have a 13 week scan?
I've always known that I haven't wanted to have this done, I have a 26 y/o brother born with Downs Syndrome, back in my parents day, they didn't have screening for this and they had no idea until he was born.
Yes it was a shock, but he is a wonderful person and I'm fiercly protective of him. My DH finds him a bit full on, he has a full on personality and probably would with or without the Downs, but maybe just doesn't know when to stop sometimes.
We just had a dating scan today and the Radiologist doing my scan today suggested because of my age (29!! not 56!!) I should have this done and also because of family history... well it's not heridetary, it's a chromosomal defect.
Now my DH really wants me to have this scan done and I feel very strongly that I don't. I feel like because it's important to him that I should and it's his child too, but it just feels wrong. If baby is Downs' then it's Downs' and we deal with it.
Anyone else experienced this conundrum?
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Emmi_
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 9:09pm |
My cousin has downs, and my DH loves her, they get along really well. We both work with people with intellectual disabilities and know how crap the care is (outside of family, although I know plenty of people who never get to see their family) and know how intense it is having the life long responsibility of having a child with downs. Saying that I can not imagine life with out my cousin, and I love her to bits.
We decided that we would have the scan as even if bubs had a high risk of downs that I would want to nkow and prepare, being our first baby you have a picture in your head of how things will be and if it was going to be different to that then I need to know (and get armed with support networks and information)
I hope that my post makes sense and doesnt offend, it is just the thoughts that went through my/our heads when thinking about it.
Its a totally personal decision, so good luck!
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myfullhouse
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 9:11pm |
What is the reason for you DH wanting the test? Does he want to abort if the baby is Downs? If not then IMO why have the test. If it is to help you 'prepare' if the baby is Downs then I suppose fair enough but then will it help or will you/he stress the whole pg, and then the test may not be accurate anyway.
My understanding is that you get given a percentage chance of the baby being Downs but I am not sure how accurate it is.
I would suggest talking through his reasons for wanting the test done and what he would do with the results.
With Jack I didn't have a scan until the 20wk anatomy one as I knew that I didn't want to know if the baby had Downs or not, I knew that I wouldn't be able to make a decision regarding the possible result. I don't remember if DH really knew about the test, and I suppose because I didn't want it done I didn't talk to him much about it.
With Ben I ended up having the 12wk scan but didn't have the nucal fold test done as again I didn;t want to know, but I wanted the peace of mind from seeing his heartbeat, my mw understood this.
I wasn't told with either pg that I should have it done due to age and I was 27 when Jack was born and 29 with Ben.
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0mrs0ana0
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 9:19pm |
Emmi - you didn't offend at all! I know what you mean about crap care for people with disabilities. My brother is very lucky that both my parents are very dedicated and involved in his care and he stays at "home" every weekend, they live about a 10 hour drive from me so I don't get to see him much, but talk to him regularly and he emails all the time.
I'm not sure why DH wants to have the test, I just got my haunches up and got all protective when he said it, so maybe just need to chill out a bit and ask him why.
I do understand what you mean about having the test to be prepared if it is the case, I just don't want to be "forced" into aborting if it's the case. It's not 100% accurate anyway.
I was just talking to DH and I'm considering making a formal complaint, the Radiologist was really lovely, however I believe it's irresponsible what she told me, esp if she's saying this to people who have no prior knowledge of Downs....
Telling me that because of my advanced maternal age and family history (it's not hereditary, damn it!) that I should consider having it done.
Thanks ladies, I'll have a chat to DH tomorrow when I'm a bit more chilled out.
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Hopes
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 9:56pm |
No-one can 'force' you into having an abortion in any case - I really don't think the medical professionals would do more than mention it's an option, and although it would be kind of understandable for your DH to want to discuss your options (and I think it would be important that you did that), if he tried to force you to do something you didn't want to, you'd have bigger issues than a baby with Downs, IFGWIM?
I think whether or not to have a 12-week scan is a really personal thing. You wouldn't have been able to talk me out of it, because for me, as much knowledge as possible is a big deal. If we'd discovered Bubs was high-risk, we'd have been a bit thrown out, I must admit. I don't think I'd ever make the decision to terminate the pregnancy, but I'd need time to adjust, and I'd waaay rather have that early on rather than when Bubs was born. Some people, on the other hand, seem to prefer not to know - whatever works for them is the way to go, I think.
I think if my DH really wanted me to have a scan, and I hadn't been planning on it, I'd do it for him. It wouldn't change my opinion on what to do if there were issues (although I would talk about it with him if he had a very different one, and I've been known to come round to his point of view sometimes!), the worst it would really mean is that you'd have a bit of fore-knowledge that Downs was a possibility.
Just my opinion, though - really up to you two to decide what works for you.
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mummyofprinces
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 9:57pm |
Hiya,
I can totally understand you not wanting it.. I had the scan but didnt care one way or the other what the test said..
With that said, I am not sure I would be making a complaint a very small number of people with downs it IS herediatary and given that 35 + is condsidered a geriatric mother (medically speaking) and you are nearly 30 the maternal age comment was not totally out of line but certainly not at high risk age.
Hope that doesnt sound mean, cant quite get the words out with the nice friendly facial expressions and tones....
I definately would be speaking to your DH though hun about why he wants the test done. He may not be so confident as you....
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0mrs0ana0
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 10:13pm |
Thanks Hopes - thats the great thing about forums, you can get a totally independant point of view without risking offending someone, as you're very unlikely to ever mee them. Not that I mean you've offended me in any way, it's just good that on forums people can be totally honest.
No Mel - that doesn't sound mean at all, I totally get what you mean. It just felt out of line is all.
I think for DH, it's more he's never been around anyone with a disability before he met me, whereas because of my brother I've met all sorts of different kids with all sorts and varying degrees of disability, so it doesn't freak me out like it can some people.
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Emmi_
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 10:29pm |
I think you need to talk to your DH about the what ifs, if he actually would want to terminate then thats something that you guys need to work out, if hes ok with there being a high chance of downs and would just like the extra weeks to prepare himself then you need to know that. If he actually would be considering terminating then you (IMO) need to have the scan so he can either get used to the idea of having a possible downs baby or work out where to go from there (or breath a sigh of relief when it gives you a low risk )
Again I hope it makes sense! I seem to go around in circles sometimes!
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 11:15pm |
I can't comment on what or what not to do.
BUT omg at that radiologist!! I had my first baby at 28 & my second at 32 & not once did anyone suggest that I have the NT test. I'm all for complaining!
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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cuppatea
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 11:45pm |
I was also told with my second I should have it cos of my age and I was 28 as well.
We had the nuchal scan and also the anatomy scans with both children and my mw with our first was anti them, she figured if you weren't going to terminate if there was a problem then why do it.
We would not terminate (for our own moral reasons) but we had the scans with the idea that we would know in advance if anything was wrong so we could put things in place. There are some things that can be picked up that means you already get referred to specialists whilst pregnant, that you deliver at the right place with the right people there ready.
I would talk to him about why he wants it, maybe he would just like to know before the babies birth if there is a greater possibility of a problem. You should probably also talk about what you will do if the scan puts you as high risk because if you do have it and you are deemed high risk after the scan then they will probably offer you an amnio or cvs to find out for sure and that is another decision you would then need to make and the amnio/cvs carries a risk of miscarriage so it's pretty serious.
Good luck either way
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peanut butter
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Posted: 05 February 2010 at 11:49pm |
All I can add is...have the scan...you get to see your baby
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Shezamumof3
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 12:08am |
nzpiper wrote:
All I can add is...have the scan...you get to see your baby |
Ditto
Its lovely seeing your lil bubba floating/kicking around! 20 weeks is such a loonnggg time to wait lol
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kiwisj
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 2:57am |
I agree with the ladies above who said talk to your DH first about why he wants the NT testing done.
In my case, DH and I discussed what we would do if the risks were high. We felt strongly that we wouldn't terminate and so we decided not to do the test at all. We had the full support of my Ob who did a scan for me at 12wks anyway so I could see our baby
I was under the impression that after 35 they strongly suggest the test (and an amnio and/or cvs). But not at 29
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Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 3:25am |
Im going to go to the entirely other end of the spectrum and say that DH and I had decided that if Ty, or the next baby showed signs of disabilities in the nuchal scan , we WOULD have considered terminating, we are not heartless people , we both have siblings who are moderately to severely autistic and we have seen how much our parents have struggled, no , I wouldn't change my sister for the world, but she is hard work at times , I don't know how my folks manage tbh, and DH's brother is even harder work , they have their rewards, yes, and are loving people, but we just don't have the patience and Caitlyn (and now Tyler ) are the ones who we would focus on first .
In saying all that , the main reason we had the scan , was to see baby ,my daughter's father and stepmum have a baby a week older than Ty, and didn't have the nuchal scan , he is Downs, and while they wouldn't have terminated as it goes against their beliefs, she says it would have been nice to have time to prepare a bit .
I think you should talk to your DH and find out what his concerns are, also ,remember that you have known your brother his entire life and its most likely the norm for you , whereas your DH hasn't, and understandably he may have some worries and fears about it , so be open to hearing what he has to say , you are the one with knowledge about Downs, so let him ask questions and give him honest answers .
Finally , the nuchal scan is not compulsory , you don't have to do it , so if you and DH talk and feel that you would rather not , noone can make you do it, just like noone can force you to terminate
Goodluck in your decision
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kebakat
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 7:08am |
cuppatea wrote:
We would not terminate (for our own moral reasons) but we had the scans with the idea that we would know in advance if anything was wrong so we could put things in place. There are some things that can be picked up that means you already get referred to specialists whilst pregnant, that you deliver at the right place with the right people there ready. |
This is exactly why I had the scans.
Jared was born at 22w gest with severe spina bifida which would have resulted in physical and mental disabilities to the extreme end. This was picked up at my 20w scan but there was a possibility of it being caught at the NT scan but it wasn't.
Had I not had the scans and I went along as normal and did the birth I wanted then I would have encountered some major problems. The hospital would not have been equipped for Jared's problems so we would have faced an emergency transfer to wellys. Also giving birth to him vaginally would have likely killed him.
To me the scans are there to give you information. Not make a decision for you. That comes afterwards.
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Hopes
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 9:41am |
Oh, and on the age thing? I was referred for the NT scan as a matter of course, and I'm only 26! I just thought they did it for everyone nowdays if they wanted, p'raps I was wrong?
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mummyofprinces
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 11:03am |
I think they do too hopes, I dont know many people who have not been offered the NT scan...
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Rachael21
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 12:27pm |
I got offered one at 19 lol I think having the scan is almost becoming standard practice these days.
Anyway with the scan it only gives you a chance of having it ratio so it isn't really going to tell you anything definite anyway. Good luck with your decision
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cuppatea
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 12:36pm |
It seems to depend on the DHB I believe in palmy you only get the anatomy scan unless you are high risk.
I had the 12 week scan with both but was only advised I should with my second pregnancy
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LJsmum
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Posted: 06 February 2010 at 7:35pm |
Anyone at any age can have a child with down syndrome or any disability. the risk does increase as you get older. I was 29 when we had our scan had it as wanted to see baby, had the scan with DS1 as well. Anyway the scan was done and the guy said by the way the nuchal fold looks thick,
He did the calculations and the risk was 1:250, anyhting under 300 is considered high risk.
We were suprised as being high risk, i was 29. We would never terminate, our beliefs are pro life. i did the scan only to see baby, to see our miracle.
But wanted to be prepared just in case, i did lots research.What i wasn't prepared for was family members responses, so awful and unsupportive.
we also had the blood tests, which came back at a risk of 1:6,000.
The scan with teh blood tests is more accurate, but you don't need to do both unless the risk comes back high. My sister did both she's 37 but her risk afte the scan was so low. It's personal choice.
After this stress, we have decided not to do the 12 week scan with the next baby the stress is not worth it. Besides we would love the baby what ever happens. I have a cousin with high special needs and love him to bits!
do what's right for you, would knowing help or stress you out or vise versa??
Edited by Milo1
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