My Fears

OK so this is probably going to sound silly in some ways..

I have a couple of fears about this whole mother/pregnancy thing.

I have absolutely almost no idea what to do with a baby. None at all. I have never really been around babies at all during my childhood or teenage years or since moving out of home. The most I've had to do with babies is holding my friends one a few weeks back where i was sh*t scared I was gonna drop her on her head! lol sounds like overreacting but it's really what i was thinking the whole time. I had no idea how to hold her. Whenever I'm around a baby or very young child I feel totally awkward.

i have no idea what a baby wants or needs when or anything. People say that it comes naturally. I personally think thats a load of crap. Sure a small bit does but it's all learnt.

Then my other fear. I could look up how to spell this but am feeling lazy. That epistomy or whatever it is and c-section. I have an absolute phobia about being cut open. Doesn't matter how little or big but it scares the living sh*t out of me. The only possible way for anyone to ever get a knife touching my skin with the purpose of cutting is if I'm knocked out completely otherwise it's not gonna happen. I don't know how on earth I will deal with that if I get into the situation where I need to have either. I would rather tear than have an epistomy. It's not that I'm just scared. It's an actual phobia for me. I have no idea why the phobia exists but it sucks and sucks thinking that there will always be the possibility that I may need one of those 2 things.

That's a bit of a rant in a way but I'm a wuss.

well I think a lot of people feel this way about a newborn, until you are actually doing it then you really have no idea of how you are going to deal with it and ok some people do have trouble but for the others well it does kind of come naturally and what doesnt come naturally is what we are all here for, advice and help. Plus your midwife and plunket will be on hand to help out whenever you need until you get the hang of it. Babies dont need a lot, just feeding, burping, changing and cuddles, everything else is non essential.

As for being cut open. Chances are you wont, i think its a pretty small percentage of women have to actually be cut and if thats the case then just tell your midwife you dont want to know if she needs to. I tore both times and had absolutely no idea until after the birth and was told i needed stitches.

All your fears are valid and a lot of women feel like this but for a start you have no choice but to face these fears because your baby is coming and you do have to deal with it but once that baby is in your arms you will realise everything else comes second. You will be sweet.

I know how you feel, as much as I wanted to have a baby, when it became a reality it scared the living crap out of me!!!
The whole birth thing scares me, the c-sections, the pushing, the pain and then a helpless bubba, but I think I am finally coming to terms with it now (just been to ante Natal classes which I think helped me heaps!!!) and starting to embrace it.

I agree with everyone ( not that I have been in that position yet) but I reckon it will all work out, instinct will step on up and you (and me) will be sweet, heres hoping!!!!

he he, Stacey, I worked as a nanny, AND in a daycare, looking after babies all day long, and yet still I had NO idea when it came to my own. It is learnt, alot of it, but you learn as you go and it happens pretty quick, (you certainly learn what NOT to do after doing once!) You have to remember what it is like to meet a new person for the first time, even starting a new relationship.. which is what this is, you are both new to each other, you know nothing about each other really, about likes, dislikes, and you both need to learn how to get along... that is, why as everyone will say, the first few weeks are the hardest but eventually you emerge and learn that babies don't break and all that guff. You get to know cries,and you just do what you have to do, instinct kicks in even if you have never had a motherly urge in your life.

Episiotomy.. i think alot of people get away without them, most midwive WILL let you tear and try to control it a little by placing their hand there and easing baby's head out, for first timers it can take a while so everything stretches anyway over time, and you can always do that perineal massage.. some say it helps others say it doesn't but hey, why not..

The only way you will need an episiotomy is if baby is really stuck and needs forceps or ventouse delivery - by which time you are probably going to be stuffed and sick of pushing to have nothing happen and won't give a damn.

Same with c-sections.. sure there are some unforeseen things that crop up, breech, low lying plcenta, other stuff that needs quick delivery, but mostly, a heck of alot of people do end up giving birth naturally, and again, by the timeyou get to any eventuality of c-section, you won't care, that instinct kicks in of wanting to protect your baby.. and you just want to do whatever to get baby out safe and well.

I have knives, i hate blood, i hate needles.. yet am a nurse.. stupid huh... lol the reason i went without meds giving birth was yeah, !) i was fast, but 2) i was scared i would loose control.. and i like to be in control of all situations at all times, 3) I didn't want needles near me.

All you can do really is read up as much as you can for active birthing, try and keep as fit and active as you can which helps, and see how it goes.

(Even the second time around i was scared as hell of all of the things you mentioned..) You are not a wuss, you are the same as every one of us here. welcome to motherhood, full of weird fears, and a hell of alot of stuff you can't control.. including your kids 99% of the time. lol

OK, I apologise if I am repeating things here, I've got a date with a sewing machine so just wanted to address your concerns quickly.

1. Your baby is new at the whole living thing too... so you will be learning along together If all else fails - you ask on OhBaby! That's how I am learning to be a parent

2. You are fully within your rights to refuse an episiotomy. Write it in massive red letters on your birth plan and she should respect that (providing she is present at the birth). Some midwives prefer natural tearing to episiotomies anyway... depends on the circumstance. I think if they were to use forceps then an episiotomy might be necessary.... but that's one of those things that you just have to deal with at the time. Like c-sections.

This is going to sounds really nerdy... but visualise how you'd like your birth to go, and work towards that, but be prepared to change your plan. If the possibility of an emergency c-section comes up, you'll be in such a different frame of mind that it'll be a completely different decision than if you had to make it now.

You'll be great

Some of you women are braver than me and I'm onto #3!! Let's see, list of hates.... birthing videos, needles (still don't watch them go in for blood tests), knives, surgery, weird things like gas, blood.... hmmm I think I've fainted on 3 different occasions and the latest was when I saw a drip in my cousin's hand - that was all! lol

Janine (Mum2Paris) is right though. When you get to that stage - if you do - it's not such a big deal as it seems in advance. I had an emergency c/s with my first baby as I was bleeding a lot and it was the only thing that would save both of our lives. So I said yes and thought it through the next day then with #2 I had an epidural after my labour came on very quickly and then needed an episiotomy because she couldn't come out and I wasn't stretching (or tearing) enough. It was the only thing that could be done but by then I had pushed for almost an hour and I couldn't care less.

Aw, hugs Stacey! But I hear you on the baby thing. I know that we will get home from Birthcare and sit there, staring at this baby going - ok, what do we do now? I have never been into newborns, and DH has no baby experience whatsoever.

A lot of people tell you that it is different when it is your own. I know they mean well, but the best piece of advice I had was from a friend wh o said that isn't always the case - she loves kids, but really has no huge love for newborns (other than them being her own). She was so close to PND with her first one becasue she felt like this evil mother not besotted with her baby - then she met someone else who had similar experiences and was able to work through it.

Anyway, that has gone all rambly, but I guess that I am expecting it to be a lot of hard work, and the birth to be a lot of pain, but I have no doubt that you and I will both suck it up and do what is needed to be done when the time comes!

When Jack was born I remember thinking OK what do I do with this baby and all I cared about was having a shower. Don't leave the hospital until you feel confident you actually learn pretty quickly what to do.

I'm pretty sure i've heard of Janet and she's all good.

As for what Miss said, I think that's completely right.. as a new mum you can wonder what on earth you are supposed to feel and for some, it's there isntantly, for others it takes time. With Paris, it took a heck of a long time.. with Ayja, instant. I guess it's a bit of a luckydip situation.

Janet is mine second time around, I was the one to recomend her she is great. I never had the cut neither did I tear, but I do know that she would rather it go natural than have to cut you.  I had the stupid registar try to cut me as Andrew wasn't coming out fast enough for him (I told him where to go with his knive and vontuce) and Andrew was not under any stress at all. I have written in my birth plan (in my head) that if I have to have a c section then it is done when I am knocked out. I know how I am coming out of a general, never had an epi so I don't know what i'm like with that. We need to have a catch up to talk over your fears and hubby problems before xmas.