Am I over-reacting??

I hate doing this but have resigned in so not to give myself away - cowardly I know

Anyway, Im really upset that DH has been watching porn on the internet! I knew ages ago he was but thought he wasnt anymore.

The thing that gets me is that......we don't have sex anymore! Like 3 times since baby came along - who is now 2!

We don't have sex anymore coz basicly we dont make time. I think he has got to the stage where he prefers the internet.    I have bought sexy lingerie, bought some his and her lube stuff, massage oil....

I don't know if I am over reacting but I feel really really upset about it. I also feel dirty!? I have spoken to him about it and he says hes embaressed to talk about it. I feel like Im being cheated on. I would rather he had a couple of dirty mags coz the internet just goes too far. Sometimes I feel like leaving coz I just feel so disrespected.

Am I over-reacting??



Edited by confused

Tough one huh. I went thru this a few months ago but about strip clubs, so I totally get you. I think - and it's just my opinion - sit him down and just be like 'we HAVE to talk about this bla bla bla' Specially if it's making you feel so uncomfortable!

If he's embarrased about talking to you about porn, maybe he's the same about sex in real life and that's why you think he might be more interested in the internet? I'm sure once you can get him talking about it things will get sorted.

Massive hugs going your way!

Edit: Not ALL guys do it! Mine thinks internet porn is nasty.

Edited by MissAngel

Bah its cuz you have the balls to confront him about it! And good on you for doing it too! I'm sure its not because normal sex isnt enough - maybe you do need to spice things up a bit, who knows! But yea, talk to him about it :D
The expect everything to be the same as it was pre-kids and it sure as hell isnt.

I would and have felt majorly disrespected my partner doing this. I don't think you're overreacting at all. The only thing I can suggest is talking to him. Tell him how it makes you feel.

oh my DH has a porn stash , its in a box in his drawer marked "anything " and then he has a brief case under the bed, I've seen both , had a good read even ....


Hugs confused, I don't have any advice , just sorry to hear you're feeling so awful

I think this is one of those topics where women and split into two camps, one side doesn't mind/care about that kind of thing, and the other who is totally appalled/disgusted/upset.. Ultimately it's your relationship, so it doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks your overreacting. Sure, I'm in the don't mind/care camp, but it's not up to me to decide how you should feel about it.

And this is just for anyone reading, not necessarily directed at you.. From my perspective as someone who has worked in IT a long time (hence seeing many many PC's containing stuff they "shouldn't" - from guys you "wouldn't think" would be into it), and who has openly discussed this stuff with male friends - this is the stuff guys will often admit to someone who isn't their partner:

-Just because a guy likes porn, doesn't make them a horrible person, or the sort of person who would cheat on their partner.
- Pretty much any guy with internet access has looked at porn online. If they say they haven't, they're probably lying. It would be pretty rare to find a guy being totally honest about hating it. If you believe your man is one of those, good on you.
- They watch because they like watching it, not because they're in love with the porn stars or want their partner to look like the stars they're watching. It's all about the visual stimulation of it all. That's it.
- The guys who are "forced" not to watch it, will still find a way to watch it, but will be more careful not to get caught next time. You will only be more upset the next time you catch them.

Again, all stuff I was told by members of the male species.. I believe it to be true though..

confused wrote: caliandjack wrote: Talk to him about it, and talk to him about the lack of intimacy in your relationship, I'm thinking you wouldn't be reacting quite so much if things were better in the bedroom between the two of you. So true! If I was getting it, probably wouldnt be an issue!    I dont mind dirty mags infact I even know my dad had some but some of those websites are a bit toooo up close and personal in the not sexy way!!!

oh yeah , I wasn't saying you shouldn't be upset (and im not saying you should ) about the internet sites, the internet is a lot more up close and personal , thats in a different league to the old dirty mag

I dont think you are overreacting but I think in this situation actions will speak louder than trying to talk it out.

Hugs

Like has been said, ladies seem to fall into two camps on this one. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of it (because it's pointless to get into a debate about that), if your DH is doing something that hurts you and makes you feel insecure and unloved, he's not doing the right thing.

I can only suggest taking it up with him and letting him know how it makes you feel. Surely he'd be a pretty hard-hearted person to continue doing something that makes you feel miserable, especially when it sounds like you're all keen to have a pretty hot sex life (and IRL stuff HAS to be better!) If it helps at all, I'd feel exactly the same as you, and it's not wrong to feel that way at all.

I don't think you're over reacting at all. I've been in a similar situation and to me it was like cheating because it was an intimate thing done without my knowledge. However, I know not all girls feel that way.

ETA: In my case the guy in question said he liked the thrill of the forbidden rather than the actual acts he was watching. I believe that to be true so I would try not to feel like he prefers them to you - as that's probably not the case.

Edited by Bobbie