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emmapea 
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Location: Tauranga
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 Topic: Comfortable with leaving baby?
Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:05pm |
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Hi all...
Hope you are having a great week :)
Just wanted your opinions on something. I feel like Im the only woman in the world who doesn’t want to leave their 5 month old baby during the day for long periods of time. I totally think it is fine if people want time out/need to do something without their baby’s even for long periods of time... but surely if Im not comfortable leaving Ollie at this age during the day for at least 4 hours, should I be criticised for this?!
Im going thru a situation with a catty cousin who doesn’t want me to bring Ollie my 5 month old to her baby shower in a couple of weeks. She claims its due to ‘lack of space’ that he cant came (oh yes my skinny little runt baby takes up SO much room!) but well its at my aunty’s house which has had LOTS of people there before and its never been an issue (her place is HUGE!). I know it isn’t the space thing that is the real reason, she just doesn’t like babies (and yes, she is due with a BABY at the end of the year!) and likes herself to be the centre of attention so I presume she thinks Ollie will distract everyone from her! But yes, Im expected to go, even though I cant bring Ollie, and I don’t want to leave Ollie. Apparently Im over reacting and I should get over it and leave him... all for her.
Oh and I should point out, that at MY baby shower, she INSISTED she HAD to bring her partner, a guy that I don’t even like, and apparently when I wasn’t impressed with that idea (not that I ever told my cousin that, I wouldn’t be so rude, I just subtly tried to point out it was a girls only thing) well I was criticised by my family that I was over reacting at that?! Turned out her and her partner were 2 hours late for it anyway... so yes again very rude.
What do I do?! I really don’t want to leave Ollie... he is still feeding often during the day, and doesn’t take the bottle overly well, so I would spend the whole time stressing. Oh no, that’s right, apparently I will be SO much happier without Oliver, cause you know he is such a burden on me?! (their words not mine!)
Sorry for the vent... I guess its just that with my PND I seem to over react to things a bit and things upset me more than usual. I think it wouldn’t be so bad if I was given the option to leave him, but being told I HAVE to, just makes me upset!
Thanks for listening...
Emma and Ollie xx
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Bombshell
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:08pm |
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ummmm turn up with him on the day and say....sorry couldnt find a sitter, (or say you couldnt afford one etc etc) he wouldnt settle with Daddy etc without me and I am sooo sure YOU wont mind cause you are having your own baby very soon!
put it all back on her!!! and your family - BTW they sound horrid to gang up on you like that!
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:12pm |
Just take him and don't worry about it. I took Josh to a baby shower when he was 3 months old and didn't take any room and was a good boy the whole time (apart from when he exploded in his nappy  ). And anyway its a baby thing that woman and babies go to.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Leish
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:16pm |
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She sounds like a cow. I would stay home.
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Kels
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:17pm |
I wouldnt even go if that was the case. I would just say I either come with my baby or I dont come at all. DOnt ever let anyone make you think your own opinions are overreacting its your right at Ollies mum to chose when and where you are ready to leave him.
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Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:18pm |
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Ive been told he HAS to be left with my husband... I think she just doesnt want Ollie taking over the attention. My cousin is definately not into baby's at all..! Why have a baby then I reckon?!
Silly thing is I wasnt even going to bring up the fact he was coming. I just thought that she would expect him to come? But I just mentioned it on the side, and then I got shot down for it. Still just mad. Sorry venting... just need to let it out!
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:20pm |
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Thanks girls... its nice to know Im not stupid for thinking she is a cow about this! I dont want to go, but my mum (who is usually so good about everything ) thinks I should go to keep the peace?! Im sick of being the one who gives in... think I need to use my Taurean stubborness to stand up for myself! he hee hee
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meow
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:21pm |
Yeah, don't bother going. I'd be peed off that they said you had to leave him too.. would make me want to take baby even more! 
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:27pm |
You know I have never felt so attached to Oliver as I do at the moment?! It has really bought out the protective mummy in me! And yes it is the point that someone telling me I cant do something makes me want to do it more... 
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Katherine
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:41pm |
I'm sorry to say that I can actually see the cousin's point of view, although it definitely sounds like there is more going on than just hormonal irrationality on her part. My SIL gave birth a month before me, and brought her newborn to my baby shower, where everyone oohed and aahed over her and the baby and generally ignored me while she "held court". It is *her* baby shower, so of course she is the centre of attention, whether she deserves to be or not.
I think that if you had a five-day-old baby or a five-week-old baby, I would certainly not expect you to leave him to come to a baby shower (especially when demand breast-feeding). So perhaps because he is five months old, she thinks that you'd probably be okay with leaving him home with his dad, and that four hours isn't a very long time (it's not a whole day, after all). Obviously she doesn't have a baby of her own, and I remember how naive I was before my daughter was born!!!
Despite the cattiness, I'd be inclined to give the cousin the benefit of the doubt. I remember how I felt toward the end of my pregnancy -- I was pretty invisible during the whole thing because my SIL managed to hog the limelight all the time, being pregnant at the same time as me. So by the time my baby shower rolled around, I was completely fed up. It sounds like your cousin might be jealous of you and doesn't know how to rationalise her feelings (and what pregnant woman should be expected to, LOL) and is obviously expressing herself to you in an offensive way and reacting quite rudely to you. She may simply think that some time on your own might be quite a refreshing change for you and doesn't at all realise that what *she* wants you to do isn't what *you* want to do.
Whatever the reason, I think you have to stand up for yourself in a polite, adult, mature, elegant way, instead of letting her make you feel unwanted and offended. If you don't feel comfortable leaving Ollie, send your gift with your mother along with your best wishes, and don't go. Better to set the stage for how you intend to act now, rather than have this kind of thing keep cropping up and making you fume more and more each time. Good luck!!!
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busymum
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:44pm |
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I wouldn't go. I'd simply say, I'm sorry, he's breastfed and I can't leave him at the moment.
It took me a long time before I was able to leave Hannah (my first) with anyone. Even now when we go out for dinner etc we usually wait until all the girls are in bed first and the sitter just has to deal with any random wake-ups only. But no one should make you feel like you HAVE to leave your baby to attend an event. Even your mum sounds a bit pushy in this case.
I too am sick of the "you'll appreciate a break" comments. I get them from my SIL who is still into partying every weekend etc lifestyle. Although not so much lately, perhaps they have decided I'm too stubborn! Thankfully we live in different parts of the country so our differences don't come up often - and on the whole we do get on.
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cuppatea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 7:46pm |
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I wouldn't go. I can't believe someone would have a problem with taking a baby to a baby shower, she sounds like a real cow. I take Spencer with me everywhere, I went out without him on Saturday for the first time ever and felt like part of me was missing.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 8:03pm |
 Leish wrote:
She sounds like a cow. I would stay home. |
yep me too!
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shaz
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 8:30pm |
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I've never been away from Alyssa for more than a couple of hours and she is seven months old. She is fully breast fed and still not too keen on solids so I really can't go far away. Shopping at the mall with my other girls is about it so far. If I couldn't take her somewhere I just wouldn't go.
Hope she doesn't end up getting jealous of all the attention her new baby will take away from her. Mums have to learn to come second best.
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Mum to Natasha Aroha 9/12/1995, Alexandra Makareta Waimarie 22/4/1998 and....Alyssa Frances Hopaea 18/03/2007
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 9:13pm |
Hi Katherine... Its good to hear a different side of the story, and I do understand her want to be centre of attention. But well what annoys me is that she didnt respect my wishes at my baby shower, so why should I respect hers? Apparently there is going to be SO many people there... so well how much am I and my little baby going to stand out?
I think the limelight thing works both ways... she announced she was pregnant the week before I was due... so the focus definately was taken off of me despite the fact I was just about to have a baby. Ah who knows... tricky situation 
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 9:20pm |
Good to hear all these replies and know Im not alone... I do understand people want time out from their kids, but honestly, I dont! I have been out for a few hours when he is sleeping at night before and that is bad enough! We have no routine during the day, and I like it like that. so you cant predict when he will want food and I want to be there when he needs it! I shouldnt have to change for this. Blah... sorry I could vent forever! 
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Bizzy
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 9:22pm |
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oh and i never left my 5 month old for long periods during the day either... in fact i dont think i left gabriel till he was at least one!
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 9:23pm |
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Shaz... you are spot on about how she is going to be like once baby is here. She is going to be an older mum who has never had many responsibilitys. Gosh even when she came round for dinner once, it was just me and Ollie here, and I asked her if she could hold Ollie for 2 seconds while I did something with dinner, and she refused! I just dont think I can relate to that thinking...
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emmapea
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 9:29pm |
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I think I should show all your posts to my mum to show Im not alone... thing is my mum probably wouldnt have left me till I was older either! She just wants to be the peace keeper though.
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Mum2ET
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Posted: 07 November 2007 at 8:24am |
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I think you should take the baby or not go at all. Since you are still breastfeeding and if he doesn't like the bottle then you have a very valid reason for bringing him along.
The longest I have left Ella during the day is for 1 1/2 hrs and that she because she is breastfeed and won't drink from a bottle and has a feed every 2-3 hrs, so I can't really leave her behind for a long period of time (not that I want to do at this stage anyway).
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Comfortable with leaving baby?
