Tanty throwing at 14mths!!!!!

*takes a deep breath*

I know Caitlin hasn't been very well these past few days but I'm about to start throwing tanties of my own!

This all started about 2 weeks ago. When she doesn't get her own way, or has something she shouldn't have taken off her she throws herself on the floor (sitting position) and sceams like I've tried to kill her!!! (NB: I've never hit her, I'm totally against it)

We've used time out twice in her life and both was after being told not to do something a million times and she still did it whilst giving us the "yeh, come and stop me" face So she knew what she was doing was not allowed - I would have thought she was too young to have that level of comprehension?

I hate punishing her as she's still my lil' baby but I also don't want her to turn into a tanty-throwing brat!

I've spoken to my Mum and she said she's too young to be left and ignored as the tanty will just get worse as she gets more angry etc which then turns into fear of her own emotions. So we've been picking her up and hugging her until she calms down. Is this the best way to deal with the situation?

I'm so totally worn out tonight after a day of this constant tanty throwing! At least she still goes to bed without a fight! *sigh*

I highly recommend reading toddler taming. I read it first time when Han was about Caitlins age, and re-reding bits now. I guess you need to understand why she is tantruming (like Teresa said) and then sorting it out. When Hannah does it, I tell her why she cant do/have whatever (and dont back down on it cos then they win!) and if she keeps going either ignore her, or if I am feeling strung out I will go put her on her bed/in her room so both of us can calm down. They stop without any attention, and then big cuddles and talk about what happened.

Good luck!

Addi throws tantys too, she has started hitting me when she doesnt get her own way, she is a real attitude on her. She looks at me as if to say how dare you tell me Im not allowed.... and smacks me and she has also started biting Kobe. I just tell her we dont hit/bite and walk away. I also agree that cuddling her wouldnt be the best option as its rewarding for bad behaviour.
Bit worried though if its started at this young age what are they gonna be like when they are going through the terrible twos!

maybe cuddling her might not be the best way to deal with them, cause that just means to her that throwing a tantie means hugs with mummy. i find distraction to be better so that you can hopefully avoid the tantie in the first place. so removing her from the situation or giving her something she is allowed instead of telling off - i think too that letting her know that screaming and throwing herself on the floor isnt acceptable and if she wants to continue that behaviour she can do it in her room. Not as a punishment but more like making it her space and place to vent in.
not early to start tho... good luck.    

I agree with what Aimme and Teresa said.. firstly.. if it's a tanty cos she can't get her own way.. then nooooo cuddling and soothing.. won't stop it happening again.    If it's testing the boundaries, it might not necessarily need time out - which in our house we reserve for nasty things like mega mega tantys involving ayja getting WAAAYYY crazy outta control or any form of hitting/nasty behaviours deliberately to one another, alot of the time if they are not listening, we will use the thing Teresa said, (we did this from early on.. about 14 mths) down to their level, repeat what you said, tell them something else they could go and do, or suggest something else that might be a better idea "you know what, it's not ok to touch that/ mummy told you we aren't allowed to play with that/ that's not nice behaviour to hit/ how about instead we go and play with..../how about instead of hitting, we use gentle hands, hugs and kisses..." that way you are reaffirming what you don't want to happen, and telling them what they SHOULD be doing.   If our girls really get silly, mostly we will suggest that if they cannot listen to us, it might be best to hop away from the source of the temptation/silly behaviour (which in our case is usually one another), so they go separately to their rooms to have quiet time to play and cool down, gives them something to do instead of trying to strangle one another (figuratively speaking..) or instead of getting into something they were told not to.

oooh and the right words help too, phasing makes things sound like it was their idea, or sounds much better. ie "if you don't put that away then you can't have a bickie" sounds better to them if you use the "wow, guess what, once you've put that away, lets get a bickie, quick lets see how fast we can go!" he he, powers of the mind

Olivia has tanty's when she is misunderstood or when she misunderstands actions, from my reading around I see it is a perfectly normal way to express themselves as they become physically and equatiously involved in our world.
For example.
Olivia wants freshly made cookie dough and wants it NOW!
*hungry-starving-gimme-gimme-or-i-will-die-with-lots-of-wailing-and-nashing-of-teeth*
I have to start remembering to use my words and use words that fit in with her as well.
"Olivia, hungry? Honey sandwich?"
*oooo-honey-sammie-yummy!* or *boo-gimme-that-now!*
Olivia either gets the honey sammie and the other thing that is desperately wanted is put down:
"Olivia NOO *yuck* it's yuck, let's go play toys".
Fortunately she is pretty easy to disway in her arguments, I am probably doing something wrong but for now it seems ok!

so far so good - no tanties at all today. She's feeling heaps better (because she's given the bug to me ) She's been a little angel all day, lots of cuddles and kisses for mummy. It's like she's making up for being evil yesterday LOL

I'm glad she's not at that violent stage of tanty throwing, that sounds scary Becca!

I re-read my Toddler Taming book last night, thanks Aimee

I never thought about the hugs meaning that the tanty was rewarded, but can see how she would think that way. I just thought it was the best way to calm her down.

Game plan for the next tanty is to either ignore/walk away or distract. Wish us luck!

I'd rather use the naughty step technique than time out but have no idea how I could get Caitlin to be still for a whole 60 seconds! LOL

The thing that amazes me is where do they get the hitting from? We've never hit Caitlin (neither has anyone else who has looked after her) and she's never seen anyone be hit! So where has she picked it up from?

It's quite sad that a natural defence for our babies is to be violent

Check out the public library for that book