Nearly 3 toileting issues

Elle has been ready to TT for over a year. When say ready, I mean in the physical sense...she knows well before she goes, can communicate before she goes, can hold, knows what a toilet / potty is, toilet trains her toys etc. She can tell you very clearly about the entire process of using the toilet.

However, she has always flatly REFUSED to sit on a toilet or potty. The odd time she will she sits and jumps right back up again.

She states she loves nappies, that knickers are yuck and that she does not want to use the toilet / potty. She does not want to be like her friends. She also states that when the baby arrives the baby can wear knickers and she will continue to wear nappies as they are nice.

She is very advanced with her talking and undersanding of things. She is also very stubborn. I feel like we have tried everything in terms of the usual TT techniques. She does not care what-so-ever about being wet. Sometimes she holds for ages and then floods the nappy and gets wet pants/legs. On those occassions she will tell us they are wet but isn't at all bothered and doesn't want a change.

What do I do? Try more or just leave it until she is less stubborn? I'm starting to feel a bit frustrated - especially when we are out she starts her long drawn out process of standing in the corner to poo in her nappies!!

Yeap - that is what I planned to do next but wanted to check in with all the experts on here first :) I imagine she will get quite upset but it may work.

Ideallly we'd need to stay home for many days I'm guessing and I work 3 days per week. I was planning to work up to 39 weeks + but maybe I could stop sooner just to address this?

However, is it silly to do it so close to the baby being due?? Should I do it once we are all settled back into life at home on the other side?

Lots of people seem to say that if she doesn't WANT to then she isn't ready but I'm not sure how she could be so ready and yet not ready all at once!

Sounds very similar to Isla! I thought she was ready at 18 months so first attempted to TT then- she seemed to know all about it but wi discovered she wanst physiclaly ready- she would pee down her legs when in knickers and not even notice. Then later when I tried again when I knew she knew when she needed to go, then minute I mentioned/ asked her / took her to the loo/potty there was complete refusal- no way was she going on there, if I left it to her then very occasionally she would go herself, but this would only happen about every2or 3 weeks. So we obviously didnt have the same issue with her not wanting to ise the potty, more that she was just stuborn and so wouldnt do it on there when I suggested it, and if I tried to put her in knickers or take her to the potty or loo she would freak and not go near them again for weeks. I decided to give up and wiat for her to be ready.
I tried sticker charts and after 5 stickers taking her to get a toy from $2 shop- this worked once but then after that she wasnt intersed in it anymore.
I knew people who rewarded their kids with m&m's or similar lollies- so I got yogurt covered raisins- lol-Isla and sugar dont mix so no lollies for her!,...and in the end thats what worked. She got 2 every time she went on loo/potty. I never asked her if she wanted to go, just left the potty in the lounge, put her in trackpants that she can get on and off herslef- gave her the choice or pullup or undiues in the morning, and that was it. Got very excited every time she went, and if she had an accident then just went 'oh well, try again to go on the potty next time'.
We didnt stay home. At daycare I put her in pullups, and they would ask her if she wanted to go loo when the other kids her age were going. Whne we went out if she wanted to wear knickers then I said u have to go first at home. I would then after like an hr out would say- lets find a 'special' toilet cos mummy needs to go wees, and we would both go.
She was doing the same thing as Elle, hiding to poo, sometimes shutting herself in a room and not letting us in til she had gone- but once she got the wees sussed then she started doing poos in the potty too,..firstly taking the potty in her room and shiutting the door, but now she goes on the loo.
It only took 2 weeks from when she was first having a few hrs at home with no accidents, to now being fully toliet trained during the day for poos and wees- even when she at daycare for 8 hrs on a mon. This has just happened in the last month. When she first started TT she was weeing tiny ammounst several times an hr, and I wondered if she couldnt control her bladder or if she had something wrong, but it muct have been cos she was so used to not having to hold on to any wee at all.

Sorry for the massive novel, hope some of that helps!

We tried in summer but Isla wouldnt have a bar of it, just had to wait til she was ready.
They are all so different, when I tried to make Isla only wear knickers it didnt work- she had to choose herself!

Can totally relate to that- was feeling like that about the TT thing until the last few weeks too. Elle will get there.
Like you said she is very clever, and I know that that makes it even harder too. Isla's PAFT and daycare teachers are always saying how bright she is and it made me even more frustrated - if shes so clever then why on earth isnt she TT already?, and made me feel even more like it must be me that doing something wrong, or not doing somehting that I should be to make TT happen. In the end tere was nothing I did or wast doing, she just needed to do it in her time, stubborn little miss independence!

lots of kids regress after a new baby with tt'ing so if you do do it before bub then expect set backs... then there is the theory that you are giving yourself more work by doing it with a newborn in the house too! i think that possibly you may have to get firmer with her ... alternatively you could try and do nothing about it..including not mentioning it. Myself tho i would be inclined to try the diane levy method for the pooing in her nappy in a corner situation...she works on getting the child to do it in the correct room first then slowly works up to doing it on the toilet - but still in a nappy.. and so on. think i have the book here that has it in..let me know if you want to have a read.

i am really not the best person to give advice tho as i have a nearly 4 yr old with toileting issues, mainly he just doesnt want to go!

Hey Fiona I had heaps of trouble with Jack too, quite a similar story, he started just before 2 going on the potty but never really *got* it. I felt like such a useless mother and couldn't figure out where I was going wrong. In the end it was him starting preschool and seeing all the other kids that made it all click. He was TT within a month of starting when he was 3 years 2 months.

So yeah you are not alone

Yay Elle- maybe just keep having nappy free days- once you put her back in nappys it can get confusing- like ' well sometimes I can just pee my nappy, other times I have to go potty".
Find something equally exciting to reward with or you may soon find that shes wanting 10 lollipops a day after each wee, lol. They get very clever and doing a little wee in the potty- getting reward, then doing the rest of the wee soon after, and getting another reward! Maybe start with- 2 stickers= a lolly, then space it out more.

Once Isla started going on potty I had to make a conscious effort not to just stick her back in a nappy cos it was easier for me- like if we were going out etc. Even at the beginning of training, when she was still having accidents at home I just made her go before we left, then after an hr later I would go to the loo wherever we were and make her go too. Soon she could easily go 2 or more hrs, so she would go before nap, and then after. Have never had an accident in bed, but she still wears nappys at night.

Another treat thing that worked really well- we used it for doing poos on the potty- was giving her 10c for her money box. She was so proud, and she quickly forgot and just does poos on there no prob now. she still asks several times a day for a yogurt raisin after doing wees.
I thought Isl would wee the carseat- so I took and still do take a towel in the boot that she could sit on of she wet it, and I carry spare knickers, wipes, plastic bag and pants/tights-if she wearing a skirt in my handbag!