Leaving them to scream

Why does she need 'tough love' at 8 days old? I know it is stressful for you, at 8 days post birth, but if a baby that age is in pain then the thing they need most is comfort.

I know they don't usually diagnose reflux this early, but does she spill much? Have you tried gripe water? Is she breast or bottle fed?

She is 8 days old .. I wouldnt leave her to cry at all.

I still dont leave Issy to cry .. although because I have NEVER let her cry, she doesnt tend to unless its bad.

(Although she would cry when left when v little .. I just used to baby wear her and she was completely content)

I would agree with not "leaving" her to cry. At 8 days old, if she's screaming it's because she needs something (even if it's 'just' cuddles and reassurance) .. crying it out won't work.

Having said that, there are times when I have had to put C down in the middle of a crying session - you still have to go to the loo, get yourself a drink or even just lay the blanket out to wrap the baby! A couple of days ago I put Callum on the floor while I went to get a drink so I could feed him AGAIN (he was overtired and just wouldnt settle for a sleep) .. he fell asleep almost immediately! So I left him there for 45 minutes till he woke up again and just sat there watching him (and wishing he could be that calm and content all the time).

I'm not a fan of tough love even at the age of my son 23 months. Definitely a big no-no for an 8 day old baby! If she's screaming it's because she clearly wants something, is in pain, wants to be comforted by her mother....the list is endless.

If you've checked her nappy, fed her, burped her etc etc the only thing left is to cuddle/comfort her until she settles. Controlled crying or CIO isn't usually suggested until like 8 months + and even then a lot of people (like myself) don't use it as an option, as it simply doesn't work for some kids.

I wouldn't let her scream either. A newborn cries because s/he needs its Mummy!

I have to agree with BuzzyBee, a full nights sleep is a distant memory ago and I don't anticipate getting a full nights sleep for a while longer yet!!

I'd recommend a front pack or sling too. But 8 days is a bit young for CIO in my opinion.

The maximum I let Rowan cry for now is 5 minutes and that's only if I know that she's fed/warm/clean nappy etc. and is just a bit overtired. I didn't start even doing the 2 mins then check until she was about 8 or 9 months old.

Edited by Bobbie

MrsMojo wrote: She's so little I wouldn't leave her to scream at all.  I know it's hard, I had a colicky baby too and remember crying in my bed because I felt useless as though it was my fault that she wouldn't settle.

Oh I've been there as well!

At 6 weeks Eimear became like this. Every night she would cry and cry and cry... Then we introduced a dummy. This stopped the crying but I spent many an hour sleeping on the recliner so she could get some sleep.
Turned out it was a wheat & dairy intolerance and once I sorted that she became a happy baby.

One thing you have to remember is that she has been inside you and with you for 9mths, being outside now is a huge shock for her, like someone said she's screaming because she needs you, she needs to know that you are there for her, and by letting her scream like that she is getting mixed messages. In her little mind she is screaming and no one is there for her when she needs them.

I would definitely use a front pack so she can be close to you and feel your heartbeat, remember she has heard this for 9mths, and hearing that will comfort her. Wrap her up really tightly and lay her on a pillow beside you.

Are you wrapping her, have you tried a dummy? Is she hungry?

Good luck, the first couple of weeks are really hard, you are getting to know each other, and sometimes the only way for her to communicate with you is to cry.

Take Care.

I second noisybaby re: the hammock, lil miss suddenly developed a cot aversion at 3 weeks and screamed every time I put her in it but as soon as I got the hammock she slept beautifully. We had her in it till around 3 mths then transitioned to the cot with no major dramas.

I do agree with everyone else about 8 days being a bit young to try the tough love approach. With the gremlins, I was terrified of them developing bad sleep habits and pretty overwhelmed by them and I did leave them to cry for long periods of time in the belief that it would help them settle faster in the long term but all it did was make things more stressful and they are still shocking sleepers at 2 years old, Sienna in particular is terrified of being left alone/abandoned and I wonder if it's related to the early settling stuff. Lil miss has been worn/rocked/put in the hammock, heck she even spent 5 days sleeping in her capsule when all else failed but now we have no problems at all with her sleep/self settling. Experts seem to agree tahat babies don't form sleep associations/habits till around 4 months so anything you do right now such as rocking etc. won't neccessarily become a rod for your back later on, and if there's one thing I've learnt by baby #4 it's that if it works, do it!

I second what everyone else has said, but wanted to add - can you get someone to look after her between feeds, so you can have some timeout? (even if it means putting in earplugs, putting your head under the blankets and getting some sleep?)
good luck...as Febgirl said, it really will get better, and going on my experience, you won't even remember the first month!