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CuriousG 
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 Topic: Kids at weddings - your thoughts
Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:08pm |
I am just interested to know how others feel about this.
My BIL is getting married next weekend and they have stipulated that they do not want kids at their wedding. This is absolutely fine with me, no children at the ceremony or eating the food at the reception.
HOWEVER, we politely asked if we could collect Charlotte from my parents after dinner was finished and bring her back to the wedding to meet the Beasley side of the family (as she has literally met none of her Great Aunties/Uncles). We were told that under no circumstances were we to do this.
I am going to respect their wishes but I feel really disappointed that she isn't allowed. She is the first child of the next generation and its not as though she is going to be there the whole time. I feel very sad that a member of the family isn't allowed to come to such a special day and be a part of it. Even my MIL is mortified that she isn't allowed but there really isn't anything we can do.
Am I being a silly mummy here and should I get over it? What does everyone else think? 
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cuppatea
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:12pm |
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I can understand not wanting children at the ceremony and sit down meal but I think it is a bit mean to not allow her to come along after. How much damage is one little girl gonna do?
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:14pm |
I don't see a problem with children at the ceremony, I had children at mine and we took Andrew to a ceremony (his name was on the invite) and he was fine. Talked a bit but there were heaps of kids there at the time so no one packed a hissy.
As far as the reception I don't like younger kids there. It is an adult function so its not really the right place for them (as we worked out even with Andrew being there - he told my dad to "shut up" during his speech  , but Andrew didn't know what he was saying and it got a lot of laughs).
However with what I can gather from what you have said is you are going to bring her in to meet the family after the "important" things have happened and then take her away again?? That is fine I wouldn't get hissy over that. I think they are being a bit of a pain there.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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CuriousG
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:14pm |
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I have a feeling and my MIL also said it that the bride, who is a bit funny at the best of times, doesn't want the limelight taken away from her.
She was extremely jealous when Josh and I got married, got a house and had children before she did (and she has been on the family scene longer than I have).
And yes, it would be after everything was done and dusted and people were just socialising.
Edited by GeorgiaB
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:19pm |
That bride has issues. My sister tried to take the limelight away from me by wearing cream but she never did. Andrew was at the wedding and ran up to us and tried to get DH to pick him up during the vows (got a laugh but it was all over with in 2 minutes and the focus was back on us).
Talk to you BIL alone or even try the MIL as I din't think Charlotte will take the whole limelight away from the bride ; if she does it'll be after the important stuff and she will be talking with other people.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Bizzy
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:22pm |
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its their wedding and even if it is a weird decision you can only respect their wishes. perhaps you should organise a get together before or the next day so that charlotte can meet the rest of the family.
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Paws
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:26pm |
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I would be hoping that they are working on the theroy that if other guests see your little girl there they might wonder why they were not allowed to bring thier children after dinner?
It does seem a bit mean and I'm certain I would be disappointed but I guess in the end it is what they want for thier day.
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emmapea
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:37pm |
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Its a hard one... I was offended that my cousin didnt want my baby at her baby shower, but then I think a wedding is a little different. But I wouldnt have a problem with a baby there... maybe just talk to your BIL about it quietly?
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Sarah Beth
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:37pm |
I agree Deb, the decision should be respected and agree with Paws' theory. If you say no children and then others see one there it can cause very big issues. My SIL and BIL are still not talking 7 years on!!!
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Paws
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:49pm |
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To be honest I disagree that it would be the limelight. I'm sorry to say but some people just do not want to have a child around who could end up yelling and screaming. I know as parents we are used to it and barely bat an eyelid but for some people it really is an issue.
I like Deb's suggestion of a get together the next day.
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cuppatea
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:56pm |
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Yeah paws I think you might be right about the not wanting to upset other parents. I know I would be miffed if I was asked not to bring my kid and then others did. I also think meeting up the day before or after might be the way round it and that way Charlotte can be the centre of attention as well without anyone getting upset about it.
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caraMel
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 3:59pm |
If you do it the next day or before then you don't have to worry about upsetting anyone for whatever reason, plus no one (hopefully!) will be drunk 
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Paws
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:08pm |
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Well to be honest...and I know that some parents will disagree...but even if it is what she is like, it's her wedding day and to my mind it is the one day she has every right to have what she wants how she wants it. That's just my thoughts though.
Yes it is a shame but it is her day. End of story.
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Sarah Beth
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:10pm |
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Agreed Paws!!! Everyone wants to feel like a princess on their wedding day, and if they don't want children there as part of it, their call
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emz
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:32pm |
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Hopefully everyone will still be around the next day.
From my own POV, we didn't invite any kids to our reception and would have been peeved if others wanted us to make an exception for them. I in no way wanted the limelight, I just didn't feel that it was an appropriate scene for a child (especially since dinner usually goes to 8.30/9ish). I understand you want her to meet the family, but maybe it would be a great opportunity to schedule a time with them for a future meetup? Plus it means you're not coming and going from the wedding, which I know would be distracting for me as a guest or the bride. I think you need to respect her decision and just leave it at that.
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Bombshell
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 4:47pm |
Iagree arange a meet up the next day if one is not alreay and make it clear to people that they will get to meet bubs...
Respect the bride - it is her decision for HER day!
We were invited to take ella to a wedding...I think she was like 2 weks from memory- and she was a HUGE distraction (slept but had mega cuddles and passed around...I didnt see her for two courses!) BUT the bride asked us to bring her (we had not asked) so quite a different scenario. Had she played up we would have left...I was amazed we were able to stay so late (she was a model bubba that night!) 
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AlyAyde
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 5:44pm |
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Yep its their wedding and if they dont want kids at all then thats their choice. Its THEIR big day after all..... Sounds like your making a big deal about it discussing it with other family members etc. Surely everyone will be around the day before or day after the ceremony?
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yummymummy
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 7:07pm |
I didn't want any kids at our wedding either. At the time we didn't have one and neither did any of our close friends so I was ready to make my feeling clear if anyone dared asked. We had all invites with the names clearly spelled out and thankfully no one asked.
I too think it's the bride's BIG day - even if it feels mean you should resepct her wishes.
ETA: Is anyone organising like a BBQ the day after the wedding? Or a get toghether of sorts? You could take Charlotte to something like that no probs 
Edited by yummymummy
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caliandjack
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 9:29pm |
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In the end its their decision, and I think you should respect it, and make time the next day to introduce her.
I was at wedding reception where there was a young baby and it cried thru out the speeches, the bride didn't notice but the rest of the guests did, I felt it was a bit thoughtless of the parent.
It may be a limelight issue, and if it is, would be unfair to take that away from the bride, she's going to be you SIL wouldn't it be better to get off to a good start with her?
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 09 November 2007 at 9:39pm |
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I just got married a few weeks ago, and had a few of these dramas with my guests. I absolutley, under no circumstances wanted no children at my wedding full stop. I relented to allow some at the ceremony but they left immediately after, before fotos even.
Lots of guests, well, mainly family, moaned behined my back about it, but none of them actually asked me about my reasoning.
Main reason was it is MY princess day, and, yes, I wanted to be centre of attention.
Didn't want to have to pay for children
Didn't want children running around
Wanted everyone to have a good time and not be worrying about what their kids were doing and who they were annoying
Wanted everyone to feel like they could drink as much as they wanted to and stay as late as they wanted to
and, mainly, it was my (sorry, OUR) day and we spent around $15,000 enjoying it with our friends, and not their children. Or even my children.
Kids came to the day after thing, and ran around and were naughty, but I didn't really care too much.
At the end of the day, it is their wedding and they are inviting who they chose, and they choose not to have children. Some people might get upset you take C along afterwards that they weren't allowed to take their kids.
Why don't you just ask her? I was gutted that my brothers and their "wives" ran me down one side and up the other about my decision to anyone who would listen but neither of them actually asked me why I hadn't invited thier kids.
i'm sure the next day will be more enjoyable for you all anyway, more relaxed!
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Kids at weddings - your thoughts
