How to cope?

As having a little bit of a hard time lately, have had it coming up to the EDD this coming wednesday and having a few off days in the past week. I had planned on wednesday to have a day at home, to myself to have a bit of a cry, sort out our special place for baby and in the afternoon we were going to take girls and let them pick a special coloured balloon to be filled with helium, we were going to have 1 each, take them up to a lookout over palmy at the end of the day and let them fly away "to go up to heaven for baby" Paris told me.
It was also going to be a way to try and release and let all the sadness fly away so we can begin to heal. It was going to be a day for us.

Sadly, the last week has also been hard as my mums'd dad was dmitted to hospital in wellington, we were dealing with this when on thursday the call came that my other grandad (my dad's dad) had been in new plymouth hospital for a month, was worsening and they were calling the family in. I went, with my sister, after having gone to work yesterday on morning shift (so woke at5.30ish) had been halfway through shift when mike rung to say he was worse.. we had been planning to go thru today however dropped everything, and went. We got there last night late (after my sister tried to drive us to waiouru and we got to hunterville, i realised that this was NOT the way to NP!) We were there for hours, he was briefly talking to us, remembered names and asked about kids etc but then went to sleep. We went back to nanas and got the call at 2 to say it was time but he had passed by the time we got back to NP hosp. We left to come home at 7 am this morning, with no sleep. by the time i managed to get to have a sleep at home i had been up for 30 hours nonstop as none of us could sleep. I am so very sad for my grandad, and for my nana - 60 years of marriage - it so hard to see her realising she's alone.

We got a message this arvo telling us they have set the funeral day as.. this Wednesday, which is already going to be so so very hard for me, and was supposed to be a day of healing for our family. How do i cope, when i now know that this day will be a reminder of the sadness of our grandad's funeral as well. And how do we still have that time for ourselves and for our family to heal.

I have a feeling that I'm just not going to be able to cope.

i cant begin to understand how you are feeling...
...so will offer my thoughts/opinions anyway and hope they dont offend in any way...

babies dont always arrive on their due date anyway so there would have been no guarantee that sage would have either...so maybe you could set aside a different day to commemorate and you could do your balloon release then ....and surely what better way to release grief than at a funeral. i know for me funerals make me sad and cry for many other reasons and people not just the recently passed.

You know you will cope, we always do for our kids, and if you shed a few extra tears no one will think any the less of you, especially your girls.

I was gonna say the same thing as gandt about sage not coming on the due date and could you make it another day?? So hard tho hun I so know what you are feeling I felt very flat on my due date and did not really know what to say, I think it is just hitting me big time this past week as I have been very short with the kids and really teary plus loads of other stuff going on etc, but this is about you, big hugs you'll get there we always do you might go around the block/mountain a few times but you will get there. Will be thinking about you on Wednesday.......

I'd be the same way Janine. Could you take the girls to choose the balloons the day before then possibly let them go first thing in the morning or later in the day? I hope there's someway you can fit both things in

yep totally get what you mean.. didn't mean it as end of thinking about it again.. just, as a hopeful turning point in getting on and getting over.

Sorry to hear of your loss

what you had planned for wednesday is sooo beautiful and my extra sensitive emotions made me all teary then reading on and im a right mess! hugest cyber hugs to you. im so sorry to hear about your grandads passing

thoughts are with you

To you Janine!

big hugs Janine! How did everything go yesterday? Hope you are doing ok...