Major single mum vent.

:::Warning: lots of bad language:::

Sometimes i think f**k IT ALL. Being a single mother SUCKS MAJOR ASS.

I love my child, but f**k its hard doing it alone.

OKAY so this is what set it off. I went to see a friend, and her parents were over from Aussie cause it was her daughters 1st birthday, and she is all to her mum "i never get a break, i just want a break! you told me that you would help me out" complaining how its so hard and she hardly ever gets time out. Then some other time she was all "yeah i get the weekends pretty much, hardly any time off though" or something to that effect.

OMG I WAS LIKE ARE YOU f**kING SERIOUS?? YOU THINK YOU NEVER GET A BREAK? TRY DOING IT ALONE - I DONT GET A BREAK EVER!! I DONT GET WEEKENDS OFF, IF BRIAHNA WAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I DONT HAVE SOMEONE TO TAKE TURNS AT CHANGING/FEEDING/SETTLING HER BACK TO SLEEP. YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT HARD YOU DONT KNOW sh*t. YOU COULDNT COPE IF YOU DIDNT HAVE HIM AROUND.

Okay so i didnt actually say that, but i wish i did. I mean seriously! I was fuming (inside). She thinks life is soooo hard.

Im not saying "oh pity me, feel sorry for poor me" cause i went into this knowing that it was going to be hard. But you know what? I WANT A BREAK. I do, and sometimes i feel like i cant do this anymore.

A little break.. just a little one.
But no

No one says "Oh Mel, god, it must be hard for you! Ill have her for the night so you can have some time out for yourself"

No, no one says that, not even my own sister who lives with me.

If Alexs mum didnt have her saturdays id probably go crazy.

I wish my mum and aunty were here. They would help me out for sure.
But no, they have to be in stupid Scotland.

God i really miss them...

I hope Alex gets hit by a bus. Its his fault for getting me pregnant! (Yeah i know, its not just his fault, but right now thats just how i feel ok?)

Sorry. Just had to vent. Im really hating life at the moment and this is the only way get it out.

I can totally understand how you feel. I know i'm not a single mum as such as I am still married but I have been by myself since January and since then I have had 4 nights to myself to go out. My in-laws do take the boys every so often but usually only one over night at a time (only had them 4 times together).

Big  to you.

THanks guys..

you made me cry.. lol

Its like lately ive felt just so down... i really appreciate your kind words.

I had a fight with my sister today and she had me in tears. She just knows how to get to me! Saying that basically, i have it so easy cause i get to "sit at home and do nothing and get paid for it"

OMG. I just hated her guts for saying that! After all i have gone through with Briahnas dad and it was the hardest thing in my life to do you know? Being pregnant and alone and having to do it all not only without a partner but without my mum. It just made me so mad!!!!!!!! It felt like she was saying the whole last year or more of my life was easy!

I dont think anyone in my family actually understands how depressed i was (and still am really).

Everyone says to me "wow, you must be so strong to do this alone"

No matter what anyone thinks, im not strong, its just on the outside i may seem that i am. 

ahh im sorry. I will stop now or ill get myself into a state lol.

Ugh,. i dont know. haha.

But who cares, i have a beautiful baby girl. :) :)

Thats one good, no, great thing in my life :)

Yeah i am goind to study next year so that will be really good.

The gym i go to is expensive and i cant really afford to pay for the childcare otherwise i so would!

Im sure ill think of something. My sisters ex who is stayng with us sometimes watches Briahna for me when i go to the gym anyways, ive just got to go! lol.

THanks