Dr Phil - abstinence or sex education?

My opinion on this has changed over time. I used to think that sex education was the way to go, access to birth control etc. was the only way. But now I think abstinence should be promoted as the first choice, a lot more than it is.

I don't think we should hold back information from our kids, but I do believe in encouraging them to be abstinent and taking pride in their bodies. I think it's really special to wait until marriage or at least a lot later on to start a sexual relationship, and giving our kids the confidence and knowledge of themselves to be able to do that is really important and something great we can do for them as parents. That said, I don't know how I'm going to do that with my girls yet!   

Because there will be people/teenagers (or younger, as much as I hate to think of it) who will engage in sex at an early age, I also think it's important to have contraception available. Ideally available to those age 16 and over as that's the age of consent, but I don't see anything wrong with condoms for younger kids - better than them getting pregnant/getting someone pregnant at a young age.

I'm not so keen on the pill or hormone type contraception for young ones, I just think it's messing with their natural systems way too early, when things are just starting to happen. Who knows what effect being on the pill since you were 12 would have on someone, or their kids for that matter?

I hope to give my girls the knowledge and confidence to keep themselves for their husbands (although I have no problem with sex before marriage), if I had the maturity back when I was at high school, I would have done the same.   


Edited by Mazzy

I should add that I'm not watching Dr Phil so have no idea what the context is here - sorry!

I meant maturity for myself, in my specific situation.

I think confidence has a lot to do with it, in the context of younger people having sex. Having the confidence to do something different to what your friends may be doing, having the confidence to say no and stand up for something you want to do, even if it doesn't fit with what your boyfriend/girlfriend wants. Yes, there are some who don't regret it and even those who meet their partners at an early age, but I would think these are the exceptions to the rule.

I'm not saying sex education should stop, I think it is important, but perhaps with a difference emphasis. The fact that young people do make a mistake about this fairly important part of life and regret it later makes me think that encouraging abstinence is even more important - then those silly mistakes might not happen?

foxxy_one wrote: IMHO it is good to arm children with the knowledge ... I do think a lot of people aren't emotionally mature enough at 16 though:(!

I totally agree ith you on both these statements - I'm not advocating keeping knowledge from kids at all. Just from what I remember, abstinence wasn't a big part of that knowledge and maybe it should be - but that was about ten years ago!

Mazzy wrote: I totally agree ith you on both these statements - I'm not advocating keeping knowledge from kids at all. Just from what I remember, abstinence wasn't a big part of that knowledge and maybe it should be - but that was about ten years ago!

good point.. same for me..I don't remember it being taught much either..

I would say education with them being educated that abstinence is the best choice until they are in a secure and loving relationship. Personally I don't believe in waiting till you are married, I believe try before you buy

I agree pretty much with Stacey....but I also believe that we should teach our kids about self respect, and making sure the other person has respect for you even if you say no....hard one. My DF waited until he was in a steady relationship (2ish years) and was 18/19 (from memory) before he had sex. I on the other hand, started at 14, and confused sex with respect.....back then sex = respect to me. No-one taught me any different. I'm older and wiser (well, that's a matter of opinion) now, and know otherwise, and sometimes wish I had waited.

Slighty OT...

But what about the issue they raised re: Teen girls being allowed 6 weeks maternity leave from school once baby is born?

Coming from a Catholic School Girls background where sex wasn't really talked about, and seeing too many of my classmates become teenage mothers, I think there needs to be education.
Probably at intermediate level, and maybe abstinance should be one of the options available as part of the education process.
As Aunt to a 12 year old who is in a big rush to grow up and be with boys, I think its important to arm her with the knowledge that she needs. Apart from locking her up there isn't much that is going to stop her from wanting boys and what comes with it.

I do think the responsibility does need to be with the schools, I mean lets face it how many teenagers listen to their parents!


Edited by fleury

Pro education here- I think its unrealistic in most circumstances to believe that teens aren't going to have sex. I want to give my girls the knowledge to make informed choices- and hope like hell we have given them the skills and confidence to make the right ones, waiting until they are in loving relationships with respectful partners etc.

Just look at the american states where they teach abstinence over sex ed! Their teen pregnancy rates are significantly higher.

Paws wrote: I personally believe in abstinence being taught as the first choice and I intend to teach Miss M that. But I do not believe in making sex into something hidden or dirty or anything like that. I personally think God gave us sex to enjoy and there is nothing wrong with that but I do believe that it should be preferably within marriage or at least within the confines of a committed adult relationship when they are at an age to handle the consequences or fall out. I wish I had waited long past what I did...as odd as it might sound to some, I envy my friends who have gotten married and are virgins! And yes, I do know a lot of them. I hope that makes sense!

what she said.