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Emily281 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 November 2008 at 10:26am
Just needed to vent about something I read last night and figured this was as good a place as any to do it as you guys might understand.

Anyway I was reading this editorial/blog on a news site last night where the author had received a letter asking for advice. It was from a woman who described herself as a naturalist (hippy not nudist!) and she had this lesbian friend who had decided to have IVF with her partner using an anonymous sperm donor. The hippy had a problem with this not because the friend was gay but because she is against all forms of IVF and creating 'artificial' babies. Anyway the author explained that IVF was a wonderful thing and the babies weren't artificial but were created in the same way as all babies (ie. egg+sperm=baby) and not created using some combination of plastic, paper and chewing gum etc blah blah blah.

Anyway this particular blog generated a number of comments and as you can imagine most of them were about gay people having children. BUT some people focused in on the issue of IVF in general. one guy said that IVF was wrong because infertility was nature's way of telling you shouldn't have children. Now when I read that I just had steam coming out of my ears . I mean seriously how dare he condescending arrogant pr*ck.

What makes him think that it's ok for Nia Glassie's or the Kahui twins' parents to have children just because nature let them while kind decent caring people like my husband and I shouldn't because I have endometriosis and that's natures way of telling me I shouldn't have children. If all life was still about survival of the fittest and weeding out the weak then wouldn't nature make it so that the junkies, paedophiles and child abusers were infertile instead of people who look after themselves and have the kind of personality that allows them to have good stable jobs and actually WANT children. And to go to an extreme (and I don't beleive this at all I'm just trying to show how stupid this guy's comment was) wouldn't 'nature' prevent people who have certain genetic traits that create hereditary diseases from having children.

Anyway that's my vent - the guy just made me so made that I wanted to slap him
TTC#1: Jan 07
Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo
Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF
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MrsMojo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrsMojo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 November 2008 at 10:54am

OMG.  I want to smack him too.  What an ass!

You're absolutely right, if nature weeded out unfit parents then undoubtably you'd have a child and Nia Glassies mother would be sterile.

Good luck with TTC.

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noodle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote noodle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 November 2008 at 11:36am
Originally posted by MrsMojo MrsMojo wrote:

OMG.  I want to smack him too. 




Me too what an absolute b@stard!!!

good news your last lap was clear all the best for TTC after your next AF fingers crossed for you chick!

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NeoshasMummy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NeoshasMummy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 November 2008 at 5:05pm
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard some people just talk for the sake of hearing thier own voice... or read thier own words in this case. It's hard to believe there are people that moronic in this world.

* shakes head *

Good luck hun and you have every right to be mad with that statement from a BAS***D


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Rachael21 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rachael21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 November 2008 at 5:15pm
I cannot believe some people have such stupid ideas. I'd want to slap him too

Good luck with the TTCing
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MindyW View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MindyW Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 November 2008 at 12:14am
What a complete tool! It makes me SO ANGRY that ignorant people mouth off like that! Uneducated, arrogant fools who need to put their 2cents worth in when they have absolutely no idea what peoples circumstances are! Its ian ncredibly hurtful comment!

All the best TTC ladies! What stupid people blurt out of their pathetic mouths is their problem!


*still ranting*
WHAT A MORON!
My Beautiful Little Emily

We've Waited for You Forever!
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Jennz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 November 2008 at 12:21am
Wonder if his opinion would be different if he desperately wanted children and him and his partner were infertile? Ignorant tw*t!
Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote choco69 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 November 2008 at 7:42am
this guy is a complete idiot! I agree with Jennz if it was him and his partner who couldn't conceive i bet he would feel a whole lot different.

It is so annoying when people who have no idea of the emotional burden TTC is for some of us decide they know better and judge those who don't conceive at the drop of a zipper!

Emily am really glad your Lap was clear here's hoping there is a sticky baby in the near future for you
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Emily281 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Emily281 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 November 2008 at 9:33am
I knew you ladies would agree!!

It just made me so mad because as the author pointed out if IVF is artificial so is all medical intervention - chemotherapy isn't exactly natural but I bet he wouldn't tell a cancer patient that it was wrong for them to have it because it was natures way of controlling the population.

Why is it that because IVF isn't life threatening or something that makes you really sick people don't think that its a legitimate medical condition. Other comments on the article were about how the government shouldn't pay for IVF because it's not something that's medically necessary

And thanks for all the good wishes - I hope all you who are still TTC get your BFPs soon
TTC#1: Jan 07
Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo
Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF
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MindyW View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MindyW Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 November 2008 at 12:19pm
Hope you do too Emily281
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tiptoes View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tiptoes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 November 2008 at 3:53pm
Agghh!! That makes me so mad too! some people just don't know when to keep their mouth shut.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote gannet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2008 at 5:42pm
I have wanted to write something like that about parents like the Kahui's twins and Nia Glassey's, but I wasn't sure if it would be too un-PC, so good on you Emily for doing it.

My job puts me in contact with a lot of parents like them and I just want to throttle the majority of them as they don't realise what a gift they have.

Some peoples ignorance and close -mindedness is astounding.

Edited so it made sense.

Edited by gannet
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Emily281 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Emily281 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2008 at 6:45pm
Hi Gannet
I was too mad to be PC!!

Besides I don't think it necessarily is un-PC as such. I was watching TV the other day and they had someone on there who said there are 60,000 cases of reported child abuse in NZ each year. Even if you were extremely generous and said that 90% of those were unfounded, or repeat offenders, etc that still leaves 6000 child abusers out there. It's just beyond me how people like that can procreate at will (or even without will) while decent people have to struggle for years with infertility and fertility treatments.

One thing this journey has taught me is that you never take anything for granted and you appreciate everything you have even if (or especially if) you don't have everything you want. So for some moron to say that it's nature's way of telling us we shouldn't have children just pisses me off.
TTC#1: Jan 07
Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo
Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kobec Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2008 at 7:43pm
Oh my goodness. Do not even get me started with the Nia Glassie thing. Those creeps are the worst people in the world. How dear they be so cruel to such a precious little princess when soooooo many people would have loved to taken that little girl into their homes and brought her up in the most loving home..........Agrrrrrrrrr.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JenCal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2008 at 1:57pm
ARGGGHHHHHHHH

I get so upset by these ill-informed idiots.... My initial reaction would be to ask if that means that people who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses are not supposed to live???

It's truly hurtful and pathetic... I had one friend say to me that she hoped that I didn't have to do IVF so that I could have a real baby... WTF!!! These people are seriously demented.

I purposely stay away from any public stuff about infertility because it is usually too hurtful to read.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrsMojo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2008 at 2:27pm

Originally posted by JenCal JenCal wrote:


It's truly hurtful and pathetic... I had one friend say to me that she hoped that I didn't have to do IVF so that I could have a real baby... 

 

WTF?  Does she think IVF means you're off to see Geppetto to get a wooden puppet?  I hope she took her foot out of her mouth long enough to apologise for that thoughtless comment.

One of my daughters friends was concieved by IVF, I must pinch her to check whether she's real

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JenCal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2008 at 2:46pm
Originally posted by MrsMojo MrsMojo wrote:

Originally posted by JenCal JenCal wrote:


It's truly hurtful and pathetic... I had one friend say to me that she hoped that I didn't have to do IVF so that I could have a real baby... 


 


WTF?  Does she think IVF means you're off to see Geppetto to get a wooden puppet?  I hope she took her foot out of her mouth long enough to apologise for that thoughtless comment.




apparently so... and she didn't apologise, she honestly didn't get why I was offended or what was wrong with her comments.
I have given up trying to educate people...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Babykatnz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2008 at 3:28pm
Oooh that would have made me wanna throw the nearest object at whoever wrote that...

We had to use drugs and 'alternative therapy' to get our long awaited and very much wanted baby... and anyone who tries to tell me this baby is 'unnatural' will get a swift kick in THEIR baby making equipment...

and as for chemo... its blardy useless when you need it to work anyways... MIL has been looking forward to being a nana for the first time for so many years... and now she finally has her first on its way... she got told in the same month the cancer is back, and its so aggressive this time that she wont meet this one cos even chemo cant give her long enough.... yet people in prison who are diagnosed with cancer and go on chemo go on to live full lives...grr...

sorry for the offtrack rant there...

I fully agree that those who have never experienced infertility in any degree have NO idea how hard it is... I was one of those blissfully ignorant of the issues fertility problems can cause until we started trying for this one as DS was quite the suprise...
Brandon - 05/12/2003


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MrsMojo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrsMojo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2008 at 3:28pm
I get what you mean.  Sometimes it's not worth wasting your breath.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AngieBabe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 November 2008 at 6:58pm
FFS I just don't know what to say about thoughtless idiots who have no idea of the heartache of infertility and the yearning for a child when it's proving difficult to conceive! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Some people just don't think before they speak and have absolutely no point of reference for fertility issues so just don't know when they're being extremely hurtful... I got it growing up about being adopted and now I get it about infertility - I do my best to 'educate' by being open about both subjects but there's only so much people will take in and often it's not the emotional things.
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