Ladies HELP, DH wants to be SAHD!

I know you ladies are great with this sort of thing, so please help me so I can come up with a fair and reasonable response to DH's newest Idea....

Life is good for us right now, well for me anyway. We have money (enough to keep us fed and clothed anyway) The house is spotless, the kids are happy, Im probably in the best shape both physically and mentally than I have ever been in my life. I adore staying home with my boy (it was a hard road convincing my DH to let me stay at home with him in the first place) DH has his lunch made, his dinner cooked, his washing folded and cleaned, Life is good.. until...

Enter DH.. "Hmm, I think you should go back to work on Jan 1st so I can take a year off work"
Me: "OMG are you serious!"
DH: "YES, dead serious. Why cant I take a year off and not work. Why is it you that gets to stay at home all day. I think id get alot more done around here than you do"
Me: "Yes you would, especially since you pay no attention to your son and would leave him on the floor all day in his sleeping bag., you cant even cope 2 hours with him, nor can you cope getting up in the night!"

So all weekend we have had mini 2minute discussions/debates about this, DH is now totally convinced it will be a great idea. My maternity leave doesnt end until april, but he cant wait that long. We both have around the same salary per year, except DH picks up at least $15K a year in overtime on top of that.

I want to be fair, and try and be reasonable and sit down and think about this positively.. will it be that bad? Is it fair that he has to work? But on the other hand, I think "ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS!!!!!" and I think hes being a complete bully and a prat, and that hes just sick of his job and is having one of those "moments". I am so happy at home, im in my element. The thought of having to go back to work and be without him really makes me sad!

Hes not staying home because he wants to be home with the kids. Hes staying home because he cant be bothered with work. Hes been on about looking for a new job, hes waiting for another division to advertise for another officer.. that was the last time he talked about work, so I assume now hes just given up and wants out.

I just want to really think about this carefully and go back to him with a fair and reasonable explaination of why i should be at home. My bf thinks I should leave him over xmas on his own and see how he copes first.
To be honest,I just dont think he has really thought about this properly. And I just dont even feel comfortable with the idea. He has OCD, which means everything in our house has to be spotless. There has been numerous occasions where Ive left DH to look after Jackson, and Ive come home and Jackson is still in his go-go bag still on the floor with no toys, and DH is lying on the couch watching tv. Look how clean the house is he boasts... yes but have you even spoken to your son or played with him!
He tells me he'll take him to the park, and do lots of fun things with him.. why not do that now and show me you really want this, you know?

Argh, so anyway, please give me some advice. Im running out of time.. unless of course tommorow he decides he wants to be a professional cyclists. Then Id have even more to worry about....

I agree with Foxxy_one, the reason for wanting to be a sahd should not be 'cos i want a year off'.

Jacksons needs are going to change a lot over the next year. Your DH may be able to cope with Jackon at the age he is now , but when Jackson becomes more demanding on his time, how will this affect DH's need for the cleaning to be done to a high standard? He will be crawling, then walking, getting into stuff, making mess, wanting more attention, more play time etc etc.

Im not sure what to say as my DH does stay home and he is far happier at home than he ever was at work....so I can kind of see where your DH is coming from.

DH probably doesnt spend as much time talking to Issy as I would (its just not something guys do I dont think) .. but then again she goes outside and does more than If I was home so it evens out.

I would ask how serious he is .. I personally dont think it would be fair to say no .. just because you are happy with the way things are now.

I was a little unsure as to how DH would cope being "mum" and although things arent done how I would do them .. Issy is fed and happy.

Id be happier at home too .. but it just didnt work out like that.

To a point thats true KA .. but my DH still spends more time on his computer than I would like him too ...

So instead of watching TV and cleaning the house .. he plays games lol

But .. Issy is dressed each day .. so thats a good thing

Unfortunately I'm not going to help your case with this post but I'll post anyway.

One of my DH's reasons for becoming a sahd was because he hated his job although there were other factors too (like I earnt more than him). 

During the 1st 5 months before I went back to work DH didn't actually do a heck of a lot for Michaela, he did play with her a bit but the minute she started crying he handed her straight to me (she was a colicky baby so this happened a lot).  If he said he was going for a walk I had to ask him to take her with him to give me some space and I couldn't even have a shower without being the child minder (she'd either shower with me or I'd set her up in her jolly jumper at the bathroom door so she could see me).

DH really had no idea what he was getting himself in for.  He is a tidy freak (I don't mind a bit of a mess as long as it's clean whereas he doesn't care if things are clean as long as they look tidy IYKWIM) and he thought he would do a better job than me looking after Michaela and the household.  Boy did he get a big shock.  By the end of the first week he was ready to give up, he hated it!  It was no walk in the park for me either, it was heartbreaking leaving my baby to come back to a meaningless job and then to get phone calls telling me how miserable DH was made it even worse.

He stuck it out though and within a month he got the hang of everything.  He is a fantastic daddy and really creative about making up educational games.  Michaela has been so lucky to have him at home with her.

I still come home and make dinner (even before he started working afternoons/evening) and I do all the actual cleaning (ie. mopping, dusting, bathroom and toilet) but the house is always tidy, vacuumed and washing done and folded.

I feel really proud that I let DH leave his job and spend time as a SAHD and I think Michaela and DH have a really unique and special relationship as a result.  However DH knows how much it hurt me to go back to work so early last time and I will be taking my full 12 months off on ML this time and only going back to work part time after that.

Get him to watch Jackson all weekend to prove himself. You go out all day and make him get up to him at night. If he handles that tell him you will talk about it.

Just for the record Ben can be quite similar, he will get the kids up to give me a break but spend the whole time cleaning. They come crying into bed with me and then I realise its because Ben hasn't fed them. He might not actually be as bad as your expecting but a year is a long time if he gets sick of it.

When were you planning on returning to work anyway? Maybe he could take his year off then?

Initially I was supposed to go back after my 14 weeks maternity leave. But I didnt want to go back in the end, and spent weeks trying to convince DH to let me stay at home. He thought it would all be a waste of money and that we were better off with more money IYKWIM. It wasnt until work said I had to work till 5pm every day (so I wouldnt have time to pick Jackson up by 5.30pm anyway!) that DH said I could stay at home permanently, not that we had much of a choice!

Ive had him look after Jackson for a whole day before and I never heard the end of it! Oh how the house was sparkling clean and how well jackson slept! He didnt get up in the night though. And he also pointed out how he did that, as well as having to work the whole week, and night shifts....
Its just a never-ending arguement really....

lilfatty wrote: To a point thats true KA .. but my DH still spends more time on his computer than I would like him too ...

you say that like its a bad thing *cough* * cough*



la de da , I havent spent the majority of the day infront of the computer , ho hum ....

Does he hate the job he currently has, or hate being the breadwinner regardless of what the job is? 'Cause I'd take offense too to a DH who wants to be the stay-home parent because he hates his job, not because it's best for the whole family (then again, how much does him hating his job impact on the family - I suppose that comes into it too). Maybe a different job would be worth him looking into? Or you both working part-time?

It's funny, 'cause my DH has recently suggested I return to full-time work once this baby is born in January, and he stay home... I know he thinks being the at-home parent is easier than it really is, and there is NO WAY I'm exhausting myself with this pregnancy, birthing a baby, and then going out to work only to return home each evening to 2 kiddies to look after, night feeds, oh, and the kicker... I have no choice but to breastfeed this baby, literally no choice for an unknown amount of time... so apparently I can just express at work!!!??? Nah. No way.
Plus, I really didn't enjoy being a SAHM until only a few months ago - I feel like I've done the hard slog now and now that I'm finally really content with my role, I'm not handing it over without good reason!

caitlynsmygirl wrote: lilfatty wrote: To a point thats true KA .. but my DH still spends more time on his computer than I would like him too ... you say that like its a bad thing *cough* * cough* la de da , I havent spent the majority of the day infront of the computer , ho hum ....

Yes but Caitlyn can probably find something to eat in the fridge .. Issy cant reach it