I just cant handle this any more!

Apologies in advance for this woe is me rant.

I am exhausted!

Last night I got 2 hours and 30 minutes sleep. Maddi was awake feeding untill 11:30. I had just got my self to bed and was almost asleep when she woke again at 12:30. I was too tired to go get her so just left her hoping she would soon go back to sleep, I mean she had been feeding all night so couldnt be hungry. DH then went mad at me claiming he was tired and needed his sleep So I gave in and brought her to my bed for a feed. About 1 I got her back to bed only for her to wake again at 2:30. 3am back to bed only for her to wake an hour later. The rest of the morning she spend in my bed feeding on and off and I guess I just dozed.  7am it was morning and time to get up.

Ok I could cope if that was just one bad night but its been exactly the same for the past few weeks. She was a great sleeper really early on but the past few months have been getting worse. I know a big part of the problem is me feeding her when she wakes and its a habit I know I need to break. At the moment I do it because I am so tired I need what ever sleep I can get. I have tried letting her cry it out and then she just wakes an hour later, so I assume she really is hungry. It doesnt help having DH going mad at me because she is crying and not willing to help.

Surely she shouln't still be hungry?? She has 3 solid meals and lots of snacks, she would keep eating all day if I offered. And you would think with all the food she eats she would be gaining a lot of weight but the last few months she has only put on 100g. Could me being exhausted be affecting my milk? Im sure there is lots there as when she feeds I am still able to squirt it across the room.

She is tired, and grizzly and Im pretty sure coming down with a cold. But she will still only sleep a couple of hours during the day. Theres always the possiblilty of teething but I just dont know.

At the moment I am pretty much looking after the girls on my own. DH is busy with music practices and christmas concerts so he is never home. And if he is, hes locked away practicing on his piano. I dont get a single break and thats really wearing me out.

I have a 3 year old that is driving me up the wall (I think me being tired makes it that much harder to deal with her) she doesnt listen, she eats non-stop (but thats another story all together) She runs away, she drags her sister around the house, she wont let her sister play with anything, she wakes her sister up for the little sleeps I do manage to fit in during the day. And she wont sleep herself. I know she is tired and yet she still wont sleep when I put her to bed. Last night she was awake 3 hours before she finally fell asleep and then she wakes at exactly the same time.

Tantrums have become just another thing I have to deal with daily, and they can last for hours over the littlest things.

Dont even get me started on the state of my house, my bed is hiding somewhere under the mountain of washing, I have dishes piled high and stuff just everywhere. It just makes me want to cry, because I cant see ever finding time to get it sorted.

Im sick with a cold that isnt going to go away. And my head aches constantly. I know I am really grumpy and unfortunately Keira ends up wearing it. Christmas is in 3 weeks and I dont even want to think about it.

 I just cant cope with it all right now!

Thanks, you guys are all lovely!

We do live next to my parents, although they are all really busy at the moment as well - its just that time of the year. My mum caught me nutting out at Keira for washing all her battery operated toys in the sink. She knows I'm struggling, but I have spent the morning trying to help her out because she is not any better. She is incrediably stressed trying to look after my sister who wont leave the house and working full time. Shes more stressed than I am at the moment, theres no way she could ever look after the girls.

We have been looking at moving away (another thing for me to stress over) because its getting quite hard at the moment. My girls need space from each other occasionally (especially at night) and even though I love the fact Keira can go next door, I just cant be in 2 places at once.

I have given Maddi some pamol this morning, shes definately feeling a bit under the weather. She had a decent sleep and I managed to get a bit of house work done this morning. The house work is probably not that bad, just when your tired everything seems too much.

I know she is a real comfort succer just like her sister. I have tried so many times to get her to take a dummy but it just doesnt cut it. I am going to try a few expressed feeds in the evening to see if that makes any difference.

DH has a couple of weeks off after Christmas so at the moment I trying to take everything one day at a time... only 20 more days to go! He said that if Im still not sleeping then, Hes going to take over nights and help get her sortered.

I have talked to DH and he understands how I am feeling, there just really inst anything he can do about. Christmas in the Park's are on the next few weeks, and he cant just pull out now, and he needs them polished. Theres also another couple of big things he has to play at so hes pretty stressed. I think I am getting stressed for him as well which really donest help me.

Keira does go to Kindy 3 afternoons a week, but those days seem to end up a whole lot more stressful, having to get ready to get out of the house, there is usually only an hour before I have to go get her again and it goes just like that - usually sorting maddi out.

Im going to a Wedding tomorrow so Keira is going to Nana's. Am considering leaving Maddi too but if shes not feeling 100% shes going to be pretty clingy to mummy and I dont think its fair on them to leave her like that. The wedding is 2 hours away so probably a bit far to leave her incase it all goes to custard.

I am really hoping she'll be ok, shes not that bad to take out, I just need to make sure she sleeps sometime. Hopefully having a nice day tomorrow will give me a bit of a boost to get through the next few weeks.

Thanks so much for putting up with my ranting and whinging. I guess I am just having one of those days.

At least its better to take my frustrations out in the computer than my girls.

I will get there! Keira was even worse than this at this age, I survived and shes doing pretty well now (well most of the time anyway)