Do you find this rude???

I have a male friend who is a mess. He left his job a few weeks ago and that involved laywers and the employment law etc. I saw him on Saturday night and he told me he had a job interview and any ideas for it. I gave him a few questions to ask and then I went back to where I was staying.

Today on my way back to Waiouru I get a txt "Interview was good but hard, and by the way I put you down as a reference".

I didn't reply but I am farked off.

I always think you should ask someone first before you put them down as a reference and then tell them they had an interview and they may call.

Do others think the same as me, or is his way the norm these days???

Yep id be annoyed (unless it was my BFF .. then thats different).

And most job applications have a note on them that says you have to have permission of the referee you list (which he didnt)!

Oh and Steph if its for a job .. they would be calling the referees (or its one stupid employer)

I would be well pissed - for some jobs it is a real big thing to be a referee as it can also include security clearence too. For DHs last job his referees were interviewed by SIS - 2 in person and 2 on the phone. I was a referee for a friend and the SIS folk came to my house to ask the questions, it took an hour!!

Even if it was a good friend I wouldn't be happy...I would prefer to be asked first. Giving a reference is kind of a big thing so I think it's a courtesy to ask. I've always asked my referees first.

No it wouldn't really bother me, unless it was someone I didn't know very well and I had to lie.
Maybe he just hadn't thought about referees beforehand, or he meant to tell you and forgot?
Not trying to criticise or anything Becks, I just know a few guys who are absent minded and would do that kind of thing!

i would be annoyed too - i would find it rude to be used as a reference without being asked - particularly for employment - as someone who works in HR we always ask for employment related references anyway as friends will generally only tell us what they think we want to hear so the friend gets the job - if i was doing the reference checking i would go back to him and say i need someone from previous employer - even if it's a colleague it's better than using a friend as at least you get an idea of what they are like at work as that is often different from how they behave outside work

particularly as obviously there was difficulty with his last employer, hopefully he was honest about that cos if he hasn't been and has put false information on his job application then that would give his new employer the right to terminate his employment if they did give him a job and then found out

BuzzyBee wrote: . I wouldn't go giving good references for every tom, dick & harry.

Dear Steph

I am guessing you wont give me a reference

sincerely yours

Harry .


har har , sorry , as for OP , then I would prefer some common courtesy , but personally I wouldn't be that fazed about it , I would just add it to my little list of silly things guys do .....