What to do.... need advice

hey there girl...
these things are obviously a problem to you and i can tell you are trying to justify his actions and just move on to be a happy family, but i dont think the out come is gonna be good. alot of your story maybe okay for some but what struck me as a warning sign was him verbally abusing them. hey roughing them up is okay most guys do it and i think it is part of being a dad BUT names like that is shocking and over time will effect them.
the texting other girls and that is also not on. some girls may handle it but honestly i think it isnt sitting right with you and u should trust your instincts...if keeping your family unit together is what is important then at least put off the wedding because i think your guy is gonna mess things up all on his own and you can walk away with your head held high...good luck

I agree with MamaPickle,

You've clearly got some serious doubts, so I don't think you should be marrying him anytime soon. I'm not saying leave him, as many of the things you've mentioned could be worked on and changed but nobody should go into marriage with doubts like yours.

Why would you stay with someone who treats your kids like that. its totally not acceptable. Im sorry cos Im sure you love him and everything but your kids need to come first, its your job to protect them and letting someone verbally abuse them is not right not right, you kids are going to grow up with some serious issues if you dont put a stop to this. You do have reason to leave him and if I was you I would go now while your kids are still to young to remember all this. I was brought up in a violent home both physical and mental and I will never let that happen with my children no matter how much I love my husband.....and as for the cheating..I think you would be surprised at how men find ways to cheat when you think they dont have the time....not saying he definatley has but dont fool yourself into thinking he wouldnt have time to. Sorry this probably sounds pretty harsh but it kind of sounds like its time to wake up and take action before its to late.

I think i know that i do have to leave... just don't know what to do or where to start.

I always said that too Kaiz231.... but then I did the this will be the last time, if it happens again i will leave. (Yip I have threatened before) but it was the last time about 3 times ago.... I guess he thinks it was an empty threat so it isn't going to stop him.

I just want the best for my kids and I don't really want to think/admit that the best is without their dad


Edited by Known2u

I am sorry to be blunt, but honestly if you marry this man you are making a huge mistake. Is this the type of Husband you think you deserve?

CuriousG wrote: ETA: There is a guy here that cheats. He does it at work, in the bathroom or a patch room. Where there is a will there is a way. Sorry chick.

I agree, it all starts somewhere, and if he was doing this 3 years ago also, he will probably still be doing it in 3 years time :(

As for the name calling a 2 year old will repeat those same words..

If you do leave him, then don't be afraid of your kids not having him in their lifes, as it will be up to him to hold repsonsibility and look after his children also.
But he seriously needs a wake up call, that you won't be treated this way.

Known2u wrote: I think i know that i do have to leave... just don't know what to do or where to start.

Maybe you could start with a phonecall to your mum? It will be hard, but I think you could use someone to support you right now.

A friend of mine recently split with her new husband after 3 months of marriage. She said as she was going through a divorce at 26, that she'd had doubts before the wedding, and thought about calling it off. But she hadn't because it seemed like it would be the hardest thing in the world to call it off. Now she realises it would have been *easy* compared to going through a divorce.

I personally wouldn't stand for any of that crap, and yep I agree with the gals - to you it may just be him texting other females ...but that is just as good as cheating and there's no guarantee he's not getting his freak on when he's not at home.

I started dating a guy that worked a couple shops up from where i was working. He seemed perfect, said all the right things, even took me out a couple nights and managed to treat me like a proper gf during weekdays and our lunch breaks (would hold my hand, public displays of affection etc etc). Unbeknownst to me at the time he actually had a fiance and a 7 week old baby at home, i was not the first girl he'd cheated with - at the same time he had been conversing with a girl from America whom he had apparently planned to pay for to come over here to be with him! He was also 6 years older than what he lead me to believe (which would have made him 10 years older than me at the time)

How I found out? I picked up on the diff times he'd text, I'd never get replies at night when he was home with his family, I talked to someone and quizzed a few people at his work who told me he had a family at home. I broke the cycle, I tracked down and contacted his fiance and she worked up the courage to leave him (same situation as you, she'd found all the texts and emails, just needed to hear it from someone else), best thing she has ever done (we started talking and I eventually met her and their gorgeous daughter, she was great support when I later found out I was pregnant). She is coping perfectly fine as a single mother, infact I think she is AMAZING!

You know what you have to do, definitely tell someone close to you ...you'll need their support every step of the way.

You deserve much better, I'd never let a man treat my kids or speak to them that way - definitely not acceptable on ANY level.

Known2u, its not a nice position for you to be in.

As mothers it is our responsible to make sure our children are brought up in a safe environment, free from physical & verbal abuse.

I class what he is doing with other woman cheating, & he does not care that you know.

You need to make a decision, so ask yourself do your kids deserve better? Do you deserve better? I think you do.
You need to talk to someone, try CAB they will be able to put you in contact with people that can help.
Don't wait till his verbal abuse turns into violence or wait till you catch something nasty of his other woman.
Don't waste a good wedding on him, the right man for you will be out there.

Good luck to you and your litties.

I've learnt from experience that if your parents don't like your partner then Its a sign it probably won't work.
I wouldn't stand for the nasty name calling or bad language. Abuse, verbal or physical, is never acceptable. I was verbally abused as a child and It still sticks with me now. I turned to drugs and alcohol to help heal (now I know it dosen't work) and I don't think you are wanting that for your wee ones.
Deep down I think you know whats best for your family.
What everyone has said is valid. Can you have a talk to a councellor?
If anything hold off on the wedding for the mean time until you make your mind up. It's easier to leave now then when your married.