My Lessons as a mother....

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   Well, I have been a mum for nearly 8 weeks and these are a few of the things I have been taught in that time...

1. I can sneeze with stealth

2. If left long enough, the germs in the toilet battle it out and kill each other off.

3. My Vacuum is suffering from separation anxiety.  I used to ask people to take their shoes off, now I advise them to keep them on for their own health.

4. Hot coffee does not exist.

5. Putting ice in a cold coffee is just as good as and Iced Espresso costing $5.90 from the local cafe.

6. The food build up on the cupboards can be passed off as an expensive "Mosaic" effect costing thousands if designed by an expensive interior consultant.

7. After a while, inhaling cheap cask red while washing bottles tastes just as good as sipping a warm red by a crackling fire.

8. Once you get used to it, unwashed hair could technically be classed as the "windblown" effect.  Our friends should envy us for managing to obtain this look without spending two hours with a curling iron.

9. Single friends think your crazy with bad hair.

10.  Under arm hair IS trendy.

11.  Poo IS a perfume.

12.  3am is not an unreasonable hour.

13.  Budgeting is an artform where everything is compared to the cost of a packet of Huggies.

14.  Two minute noodles taste good cold.

15.  Babies can hear the fridge open even when in the deepest of sleeps.

16. Track pants and slippers are flattering to my figure.

17.  Mascara expires if left unused.

18.  6am is a welcome sleep in.

19.  0800 PERSIL cannot advise how to remove poo from silk.

20. None of it seems to matter when they smile  