Mother in laws

Now, my MIL is a lovely lady, she is caring and helps out with EVERYTHING. On that front i am soo lucky, she would do anything for us. We get along really well. Except.... i feel that she wishes our baby was hers... she has mentioned to me before that our little girl is the little girl she never had, and that our baby takes after her??? She gets a bit offended if i say our baby looks like someone in my family. She always calls her 'my little girl' never calls her by her name just her shortened nick name, everytime our little girl has a little grizzle she races over and picks up up ( i dont like doin that, cause sometimes she only grizzles for 20 sec) and she always says that when the baby is older and is at her place she can spoil her with whatever she wants to spoil her with, thats what grandparents are for, which they are, to a degree. Anyway just a bit of a rave for me. Just want to know if i am over reacting, if this is normal and if anyone else is in this situation...

I was in nearly the exact situation when my daughter was born.  MIL and I have always got along brilliantly and she is a very kind and generous lady.  She does have several daughters and grandaughters but my DD is the youngest grandchild by 8 yrs (most of the others are grown up now) and also my DH is MILs youngest (of 8) and his late fathers namesake.

  I had to put my foot down on some issues but because I also needed DH to back me up I really had to pick my battles.  It's useful to analyse your own reaction to things, how would you feel if it was your mother doing it?  If you and DH feel strongly about not picking up DD everytime she grizzles then ask MIL not to. 

There's no need to be nasty or harsh or feel guilty for telling her.  MIL needs to respect your right as parents to make the parenting decisions.  What would be much worse is stewing on these issues and resenting MIL, thereby ruining your great relationship.

In regards to spoiling your DD, just cross that bridge when you come to it.  There's no point worrying about it now (although my suggestion is that when DD is the right age to be spoiled with treats and chippies don't invite MIL to move in with you, it just makes it harder - this is the voice of experience talking).

LOL well I don't have any inlaws to worry about but it sounds abit like my mummy!!!
She's the most wonderful mum and nan-cat in the world but omg can be ott! She's really supportive and stuff but at the same time manages to make comments that are quite undermining. Its hard to put my foot down over things coz a. she does what she thinks it best anyway and b. she gets sooooo upset if I don't handle it right and c. her and dad have been so awesome that I feel really guilty about saying anything!
I agree with MrsMojo - pick your battles (whether its inlaws or your own family) and be consistent. Deal with the here and now (like picking up baby when she grizzles) and don't worry about the rest til its an issue. Maybe just have a little less to do with them for awhile? I don't know how old your baby is but if shes really little you have the added hormonal thing to balance out and it can be hard not to overreact when you're tired.

Welcome to OhBaby btw

I have exactly the same problem with my MIL! It drives me crazy alot of the time. She insists on holding her all the time, never can put her down so she can have a play. She whispers in her ear all the time, saying things like "your my baby" and "you make me feel like I am holding my son all over again" "I will never let you go" and so on. She has openly told me that I have taken her son away from her, and she grieves everyday for him WTF?

She is a counsellor and has some warped ideas about things. I worry that she will put strange ideas into DD's head as she gets older, I believe talking about your feelings is important, but she goes to the extent of putting thoughts into my nieces heads about how they feel about certain situations, and I am not keen on her doing the same to DD.

Bubs is 9 months old so not sure if i can use hormonal imbalance as an exuce anymore:) I am letting her play in the lounge while i write this..... Heidis Mum, gee sounds pretty similar, maybe you have it worse!!!! Those comments are so what my MIL would say:) And as for grieving for her son, totally WTF!! Babe, i will start picking my battles, my mum can be the same but i feel i can tell her how i like things and she takes it easier than what my MIL would. I think grandparents think they remember what it was like to raise children and like to put there 2cents or $5 dollars worth like in my case, whenever possible, but i reckon most of the time they are in la la land..

Ah, mother in laws Mine drives me crazy too! She always has something to say about our daughter. First time we visited with Chelsea, I had a blanket round her but took it off when we got inside as the heater was on and it was really hot. MIL didn't say anything, but I heard from DH's brother a week or so later that she was "Disgusted" that Chelsea wasn't wrapped when we visited So next time I went there, without DH as he was at work, I made sure I had her wrapped in a blanket even though it was hot, and she said "It's far to hot for her, she shouldn't be wrapped"!!! ARGH! Can't win

In saying that, my Mum actually sounds more like your MIL hehe, she calls Chelsea "Our baby" and once I snapped back "MY baby" (lol I was rather sleep deprived and not in the best mood ) and she got all defensive and said "No, she's my baby too" and then stormed out and didn't talk to me for a few hours (she texts, emails and rings every day so it was a nice break for me, lol, but she thought she was punishing me )

Oh and just so my Step-mum isn't left out of the ranting, she doesn't give us advice etc seeing as she hasn't had children of her own, but when we go to their house and Chelsea cries because she's hungry, before I have a chance to pick her up to feed her my step mum picks her up and walks round with her, and of course she keeps crying because it's food she wants, and I say to my step mum "I better feed her" and she says "No she's ok" and I'm too chicken to be more forceful and say "GIVE ME MY BABY SO I CAN FEED HER!!!" so she just ends up crying until my stepmum decides she's had enough of walking around with a crying baby and gives her back to me (at which point I feed her and she's perfectly happy again!)

Well baby screaming now so better go feed her hehe

lol rachel25 - In my case if he's crying, everyone says he's either hungry or DH's excuse is he's teething. 

My mum is starting to get on my wick too. She's had 5 (whereas MIL has had 1 but adopted 2) so she KNOWS.
MIL taught DS to climb the stairs in the weekend. NOT COOL.

ETA double post sorry

Edited by Babe

Hmmm i cant really post to as much of an extent as you but i can already imagine my MIL will be the same... she knows best about everything of course and she is the first person (and only person so far) IRL that we have told about this PG and she's already put a lot in... I know i will probably get the same comments about it being her baby... she was like that with our first furbaby when we were living with her... my kitten that i bought with my money and i fed and took to the vet etc and she would always say things like... "aw come to mummy onyx" and "she follows mummy around" she wasnt talking about me either... sorry that prob sounds stupid compared to babies but i think its a prediciton of what is to come once this baby is born!!

oh i just figured it out:)