My vent

I'll say straight off I don't know what I'm looking for when I post this lol..

It's been 3 months since Jared and instead of my belly getting bigger its shrinking... which is a good thing in some ways haha. But things have been weird ever since Jared was born..

DH and I haven't slept in the same bed in 3 months. He usually falls asleep on the couch and stays there all night. Its just become a habit because we both had sleeping issues after he was born so it was easier that way we wouldn't wake each other up. We certainly haven't had sex either.. not that I have much desire to do that right now anyway.

I feel really bad about my body now. It seems as soon as I get pregnant my body just gains lots of weight. With jared I made a real effort not to change my eating habits and despite that and throwing up I still gained very quickly and my tummy pisses me off and it's not like I'm being lazy about it. I am trying to loose weight both with exercise and my eating and I'm almost back down to my pre-preg weight but definitely not my pre-preg size.

I really wish I could get a boob reduction. My back is soo stuffed and my boobs are so heavy and I hate them. My chiro supports that idea 100% but health insurance only covers about 25% of the cost so theres no way that's going to happen. And that really f**ks me off. Why am I paying for medical insurance if I can't get something like that done on medical grounds?

I see Daniel play with other kids at lollipops or whereever and I really wish he had a sibling. When I was preggers with Daniel DH and I had this chat about how we really didn't want an only child. Now I'm frankly terrified of getting pregnant again... like waiting for AF this month I was freaking out in my head that I was pregnant even though there was no chance in hell that I could have been,kinda need to have sexual contact for that to happen lmao. I do want another child but the thought of all the anxiety of wondering whats going to happen does my head in, worry about an ectopic and abnormalities on top of it. Then theres the thought of morning sickness. I had it for 16 weeks with Daniel and 19 weeks with Jared. I know there are meds for it but it didn't do that much for me with jared and he ended up with a major abnormality so I'd be far too paranoid to touch any such drugs again, even though they wouldn't have caused his problems. Then wondering how much pregnancy would screw with my back even more.

It still makes me bloody angry at how I was treated at palmy hospital over the whole medical abortion thing. It makes me incredibly angry that the ob that I saw there did not give me all the facts about Jareds condition and my options of what to do next - he didn't even tell me that I could abort, I had to ask him that. I think that's totally wrong. And his antiabortion views became more evident the more I saw him. The way that we were made to feel like we were hidden away when it came time to take the pills to start the abortion process was shocking and being forgotten about - we had 2 doctors tell us on the day that Jared was born that they had forgotten we were there. wtf! Writing a complaint didn't even do squat.

Gah sometimes I wish everything would just go away.

Just as a foot note I'm not at all depressed. I've taken a depression test and that's fine and my friend who is a psychologist agrees I'm not depressed. I've just had enough. I wish things were more simple.

Not to much to offer Stacey

Just wanted to give you a

and from me too.

It so unfair what you have had to go through. I have no advice but didn't want to read and run

I know they probably don't mean much or help much but here are some cyber hugs

I kinda can't do the bedroom stuff until further notice anyway. My chiro said that I'm not allowed to do any exercise including in the bedroom. Was funny when he said it but no sex for me. But maybe when my back is better I might, but then paranoia of getting preggers will probably put me off

Stacey, I have nothing to offer but big to you.

I would also love a breast reduction one of these days but am resigned till waiting at least until I have finished having kids. Haven't even looked into whether medical insurance would pay for it but I imagine it won't here either.

Sounds like the "medical professionals" at the hospital were anything BUT professional    Who did you write the complaint to?

Everything I would like to say, I'm sure you would've already have gone over thousands of times in your head so just some more hugs from me too

also . . 1 of my friends had a reduction in 2004 and acc paid for part of it, mite be worth checking out if you havnt already

Hugs Stacey. It's perfectly understandable that you're feeling a little ripped off - after everything you've been thru in the past year or so, I'd be more surprised if you were feeling like a box of birds.

I don't really have any constructive advice, just wanted to offer some cyber hugs

I'll just second what Bobbie said - I had a consultation with the specialist privately (he does the surgeries at the hospital too) so was able to get him to give me a fair assessment and tell me my chances etc, and it meant he knew my case which I'm sure helped a bit. Also nagging them (I would put it in my diary to go to the doc/chiro every 2-3 months) so it's well documented.

As for the post-baby body (gosh I'm sticking with the easy stuff as I don't know what to say about the harder stuff sorry) - I never got mine back and feel really crap about it now. I just feel so gross for such a young person, I shouldn't have saggy bits till I'm a granny