Am i wrong?

My granddad was hit by a car this morning and has been in hospital. my mum has rung me a couple of times and theres nothing they can do for him bar make him comfortable and they were hoping he would go to sleep..

I love my granddad, hes very cool but I dont really wanna go to hospital and see him in that state, I wanna remember him as I do rather than seeing him like that. My bro and cousin came round to ask if I knew and asked when i was going up there and i made some non commital noises and they said hes lying there peacefully, but i still dont wanna go.

I dont think i would regret not going. I just dont want the image of him like that in my head when i remember him. Is it wrong that i dont go?

OMG what a horrid situation to be in. I'm so sorry!

My mum saw her dad right through his illness and said later she wished her last images of him weren't of him all wasted away.

If he doesn't know who is around I would do whatever feels right for you. However, if he is lucid then he may want to see you so that does make it harder.

I don't really know what to suggest, as both options are "right", just depends on you IYKWIM?

But I just wanted to give some

I saw my nan and granddad when they were both terribly ill and had basically got to the point that they didn't even know who I was, it was upsetting and I do remember it but it's not the first thing I think of when I think of them. My grandparents on my mums side both died suddenly (although still related to old age) and in some ways I wish I had had a chance to say good bye to them but then on the other hand I have no memory of seeing them ill.

I don't think there are any right answers. I like the idea of you going but not going into his room so that you are there for the rest of you family, but if you really can't face going just be honest, I'm sure your family will understand.

Hugs I was with both my Mum and Dad when they passed away, and although for both of them my last encounter was of sickness, and them not being as I remembered from when they were healthy, it didn't take away the good memories I have. Infact now 11 and 3 years on respectively, almost all of my memories are from 'better days'. I think your brain has a way of fading out some of the bad stuff...

When my Nana passed away, I hadn't seen her for a while and she was in hospital pretty much in a coma with pneumonia and (because it was so close to my Mum passing away) Dad didn't let us go and see her. I still wish now that we had been able to say a proper goodbye to her.

Anyway, as the others have said, do what feels right for you.

Edited by blondy

Its a toughie, there are only so many chances we get to say good bye, and you can't get them back when people are gone, all I can say is if you love your granddad and would like to see him one last time before he goes I'd do it.
Having lost my mum to a short sickness I'd do anything to spend more of those last few weeks with her regardless of how ill she was.
Family members are so special make the most of them while they are here.

I can't answer what's right for you, but for me, I'd go in a heartbeat. In fact I did, but I didn't make it in time. He did look terrible at the hospital but I really needed that time with him and to hug and kiss him while he was still warm. I also went and spent time with him at the funeral home, he looked fantastic (as much as a 76-yo man can ) but I wouldn't replace trying to see him at the hospital for anything.

But at the end of the day, if you don't want to go and see him, don't. I would suggest, like others, though that maybe you go and be with your family and just not go in.

I can fully understand... a close family member deteriorated in hospital and in the last few weeks of his life, I just couldn't bring myself to go and visit anymore. I loved him so much, but he wouldn't have even known that I was there and it was just too painful to see him like that. We knew what was going to happen and I just did not want to watch him die. I haven't ever regretted not going, just feel relief when I think about it, and I'm so glad that no one pressured me into going.

I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. No one can doubt that you obviously love your Granddad. It's not wrong to do what you have to do to protect yourself.

Big hugs hun, it's a tough time by the sounds of things

I don't think you're wrong Stacey. I completely understand the way you feel. And I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I would probably not want to see someone in that situation either.

But, perhaps the one thing that would change my mind is wondering if my loved one could hear me, and/or know that I was there. It might mean a lot to know that you came. I wouldn't want that person wondering why I hadn't come to see them if there was some sort of cognition going on. That would probably be enough for me to go and see them the once.

I was in this situation once, when I was a lot younger. Unfortunately I saw my Grandfather when he was ill and having a coughing fit on his bed. That is my last memory of him, and I really wish it wasn't. But, it has never stopped me remembering all the fabulous things about him and it's not what I think of when I think of him, IYKWIM.

Hugest hugs though. This is a horrible situation. I hope your grandfather recovers, but if not then I hope he has a peaceful passing. Thinking of you.

Edited by kiwilaurie

Sorry to hear about your Grandad, my thoughts are with you.
My Grandad was in hospital earlier this year, they didn't expect him to live past a couple of days, but him managed to get a wee bit better before he passed away after about 3 weeks in there. For me, I couldn't imagine not seeing him as much as I could. Someof my memories of him have been of him in the hospital bed and having the nurses atttend all of his needs, but these memories are very rare. When I think of him, I mostly think of the person that he was.
My main thought while he was in hospital was that we were there for support for him. Quite often he would be asleep for most of the time you were there, but for the brief time when he woke up to see someone hanging out with him, it was worth it.