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kiwisj
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Joined: 02 June 2008
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Posted: 06 May 2010 at 12:38pm |
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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lil_lease
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Joined: 17 December 2009
Location: Whangarei
Points: 1422
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Posted: 06 May 2010 at 4:35pm |
I think sharing Antonys story with all of you has helped me feel that yes it really did happen, and it's made it easier on my head because I dont have to panic about remembering everything. It's all there on paper (kind of)
I'm taking each day as it comes and not worrying too much if I feel like being an ostrich for the day and burying my head under the pillows. My insomnia is back though.
The days are getting easier to handle and I'm not crying all the time. I still feel empty, but I cant let that emptiness consume me.
I had some very good advice from a family friend who lost her son. When you lose a child there becomes a hole in your life and for a while all you can see is the hole, all you can feel is the hole and it seems your whole life IS the hole. Slowly you learn to ease yourself out of the hole and back into the world around you. It takes a while and the hole never fills in, but you learn to build your life and live your life around that hole.
It's always there and you'll never forget it but you learn to live with it, not in it.
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Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010
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Blondes_Away
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Joined: 24 December 2009
Location: Auckland
Points: 83
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Posted: 09 May 2010 at 4:45am |
So sorry to read your story.
Wishing you all the best to get through this terrible time.
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DS1 January 2011 August 2012
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Smiles
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Joined: 28 February 2010
Location: Auckland
Points: 274
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 9:15pm |
I only just read this post last night and I've read a lot of heart-wrenching posts on OB, but this was the first that made me cry
I can't even begin to say how sad and sorry I feel for your loss. I thank you for sharing your story. I lost a baby at 13 weeks but was nothing compared to what you must of had to endure emotionally and physically at 21 weeks.
I hope time is starting to heal the pain, although I know it will never truely go away. I think you're so strong for having gone through this and come out the other end being able to share your story and keep on going.
My thoughts are with you.
x
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lil_lease
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Joined: 17 December 2009
Location: Whangarei
Points: 1422
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Posted: 20 May 2010 at 6:21am |
Time does help heal the pain. I can think of Antony now and not start bawling my eyes out.
I can read the story I wrote without wanting to curl into a little ball.
I keep on going out of sheer stubborness I think.
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Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010
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Princess_Bubs
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Joined: 17 February 2010
Location: North Shore, Auckland
Points: 640
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Posted: 24 May 2010 at 2:08pm |
My heart goes out to you and to your Precious Anthony. I am so sorry you went through this, and I hope that you continue to heal as the days pass.
I can tell from your posts that you are an incredibly strong woman and I wish you all the best for TTC next month.
I like the analogy about life and the feeling of it being a giant hole. Sometimes it feels like a never ending black hole, but you're right, We can learn to build around the hole again.
I look forward to seeing you a in due thread
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Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Jace1
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Joined: 15 June 2010
Points: 4
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Posted: 16 June 2010 at 8:19pm |
reading you heartfelt story gave me the courage to write about the loss of my son. I thank you for that because for some reason I feel like a small part of the weight has finally been lifted. Isnt it odd that sharing with strangers can sometimes be easier than talking to friends about it.
I was wondering if you still get insomnia? My husband and I both seem to have it constantly since Jaydens death.
Keep strong
Jace
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TansNiss
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Joined: 26 March 2010
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Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:44pm |
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was beautiful yet heartbreaking and I really feel for you, having lost our wee man at 16 days. Take care
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Juzzo
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Joined: 18 July 2009
Points: 1863
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Posted: 18 June 2010 at 10:01pm |
My heart goes out to you and your family. What a difficult time you have been through, thank you so much for sharing it with us.
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Jessica
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Joined: 26 March 2007
Location: Oamaru
Points: 896
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Posted: 19 June 2010 at 9:42pm |
Am crying for you, lots of hugs. It does leave you empty but it does get a little easier each day, keep thinking of Antony and keep talking about him - he will always be a special part of you. Hopefully you will be preg with a little brother or sister soon, when the time is right. Also not easy but you just have to keep telling yourself it is a different pregnancy and Antony will be watching over you with your grandfather
Sending lots of hugs and thoughts your way
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Our con-joined boys 20 wk
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TansNiss
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Joined: 26 March 2010
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Posted: 19 June 2010 at 10:09pm |
Jessica - I love the graphic you have on your posts. What software do you use to create these?
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lil_lease
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Joined: 17 December 2009
Location: Whangarei
Points: 1422
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Posted: 19 June 2010 at 10:47pm |
Jace1 wrote:
reading you heartfelt story gave me the courage to write about the loss of my son. I thank you for that because for some reason I feel like a small part of the weight has finally been lifted. Isnt it odd that sharing with strangers can sometimes be easier than talking to friends about it.
I was wondering if you still get insomnia? My husband and I both seem to have it constantly since Jaydens death.
Keep strong
Jace |
Wow, I was not expecting to see new messages in here.
Somehow sharing with strangers IS easier.
Yes, I do still get insomnia. Some nights I dont get to sleep until about 5am. I'm quite glad that I dont have to get up in the mornings to go to work.
I've tried all sorts to get myself to sleep and nothing seems to work for me. Meditation, natural sleep aids, sleep teas, sleeping pills. I'm naturally a night owl which doesnt help.
Sharing my story helped me immensely. It hasnt quite been 3 months since we lost Antony, and we are hoping to try for another baby very soon.
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Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010
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Richie
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Joined: 12 July 2009
Location: Christchurch
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Posted: 02 July 2010 at 10:56pm |
You brave brave lady. Thank you so much for sharing this heartwrenching story with us. I have a lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face as I write this. I am just so glad that you were able to spend time with your dear wee boy before he passed. I hope you are doing OK considering the circumstances. Huge hugs to you and your family, and I'm so, so sorry for your loss I can't even begin to imagine what you are going thru xxx take care
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WeeOne
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Joined: 17 July 2008
Location: Christchurch
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Posted: 09 July 2010 at 2:20pm |
My heart goes out to you.
I too lost my son, at 30 weeks. My waters broke at 27 and I tried desperately to hold on as long as possible for him. Sadly when he decided it was time to arrive, his little heart couldn't take it. It's been just over 2 years and I can tell you that time is a great healer. You never forget, but it does get easier. Life isn't always how we plan, but you sound like a strong person and I'm certain you will come through the other side.
Hopefully when the time is right you will able to try again.
Chin up - keep smiling
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CarrieMum
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Joined: 08 May 2008
Location: Hamilton
Points: 1025
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Posted: 10 July 2010 at 10:46am |
I am so very sorry for your loss. I cried reading about your beautiful boy. Life just isn't fair and Im so sorry that he couldn't stay.
Take care of yourself and all the best for the future.
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Kazper
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Joined: 30 November 2008
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Posted: 21 July 2010 at 8:55pm |
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Roses are Red
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Joined: 07 May 2008
Location: Napier
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Posted: 30 July 2010 at 10:52am |
Like many others I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face and a huge lump in my throat, what a heart wrenching time you had to go through , Thank you so much for sharing.
Congrats on your pregnancy
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lil_lease
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Joined: 17 December 2009
Location: Whangarei
Points: 1422
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Posted: 27 September 2010 at 4:31pm |
I dont know if anyone is going to read this but I thought I'd share it here anyway.
I have been notified that I am to expect a letter of apology from the doctor who made the hurtful comment towards me.
I laid a complaint with the Health and Disability Commissioner over several things which I wasnt happy with concerning my care during such a difficult time and I recieved the official reply today. My head is spinning because it's so much for me to take in.
I'm glad that's over but I'm also happy that I did stand up and say I wasnt happy with the care I recieved.
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Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010
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Limochick
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Joined: 29 September 2008
Location: Mount Maunganui
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Posted: 27 September 2010 at 4:39pm |
I'm so pleased that you recieved a letter of apology and that you stood up for yourself
Also I just want to say congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you a very happy and healthy 9months ahead
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lil_lease
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Joined: 17 December 2009
Location: Whangarei
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Posted: 27 September 2010 at 5:32pm |
Thanks Limochick
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Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010
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