Time heals...whatever.

Dammit I was going to send you a hug but I'm not, now. But kind of am, anyway.

I just really really feel for you from what you've written here and previously.

please know you are not alone feeling like this. Writing it out here is a really good thing to do. You can always delete it afterwards if you want.
But is this not what this forum is for? Support and stuff?

None of this is insignificant or attention seeking either (it might feel it, because of how we are conditioned), this is MAJOR GRIEF stuff. You have not only lost something you very much wanted, you have lost all the dreams and happy stuff that goes with pregnancy. Not to mention the sense of self that gets splintered. There's HUGE loss, and its never easy, and we all deal slightly differently, but essentially the same.

I don't think there's anything else I can say because nothing, in all seriousness, is likely to change how shockingly you are feeling. Know my thoughts really are with you.

Hey bobsta, I'm so sorry buddy, I wish there was something I could say to make it stop hurting. We are all here to listen when you need us xxx

I also wanted to send you a hug....

Wish I could also say something that would make you feel better.

Forums are great for venting and getting things off your chest, I hope its made you feel a little bit better that there are people out there who haven't even meet you, but are thinking of you during this difficult time xoxo

Bobsta, thanks for posting hun. This is what these forums are for so I'm really grateful you have the guts to get it all out there. You don't have to be brave and pretend you're all right when it's totally OK not to be.

Please remember you have friends here whenever you need us. I hope you can find someone IRL to support you too, eg a good counsellor can help you find a wee chink of light in that dark place you're sitting in right now.

Thinking of you matey xo

Ah Bobsta I've been thinking about you hun and wondering how you were doing. I wish I could help take the pain away or say something that would... thinking of you hun and please we are all here to support you through this! xox

Let it out Bobsta, you have every right to feel like this. You are grieving for the loss of your baby & it hurts like hell.

In time the pain will be bearable, it will always be a part of you & never forgotten.

When you are ready you will pick up the pieces & strength will return to you.

Don't give up on your dreams & wants but let yourself heal & take help & talk to someone.

You will get through this even tho it does not feel like it now you will...I have been there & I honestly say time helps heal so be kind to yourself none of it is your fault.

 I know you don't want them, but here's a cyber hug for you anyways.

Don't know what to say, as I feel sad that I'm getting to experience what you aren't.

I have experienced loss and grief though, its not something you can put a band aid on or expect a quick fix, grief is sadly there to be gone thru - its hell and its tough, you will get through it.

How you are feeling is always relevant to you, and you do have friends who love you and support you.

Don't feel you can't say what ever you want, or that you have to do this on your own. 

thoughts to you.. I had similar situation and it led to PND for me...

I think Kelly put it well.. always feel like you can vent whenever you need to...:(

Hello Bobsta
The ladies are right there is no time frame for grieving,
When I found out about my mc it turned my whole world upside down. I was so angry and very self distructive I ate and drank alot of wine i wasnt beeing kind to myself and was total bitch to everyone.
Now I really want to say something It is up to you! It is up to you to be happy and feel better. It is up to you to be a good friend and a good partner. Trust me I know what you are going through I went through the exact same thoughts and feelings.

Have a good cry let it all out go to bed and say to yourself tomorrow is going to be a good day. I had to do this for a few weeks I would stop and smell a flower and I know that it happend for a reason.

Your turn will come Chin up

Lots of love oxoxox

Ps Vent all you like Wer here to listen

Thank you everyone. I don't feel sad, I don't feeling like crying, I just have so much anger and am fed up with life. It doesn't feel like grief, I don't know if what I feel now is related to what happened in May or maybe I'm having a mid life crisis or something (well I'm turning 30 next month and am not at all happy about that)

Last night I was feeling it more so than usual hence the strong words. DH was out and it was the first night in ages when I was home alone so that must have triggered it and it all came out at once. The busyness of life tends to keep everything I feel dulled down and under wraps. I do know that I'm not myself anymore. I just don't see the point in so many things I used to care about.

I do appreciate you guys commenting so thank you and I really mean that. Lately I have felt very invisible and have been living on autopilot, most likely a self preservation tool. It's easier to block out life than to try and fix whatever it is that is broken.

The sad thing is that I like feeling angry all the time. I like not caring about things. I like being able to lock up my feelings. I feel tougher for being able to do that rather than be all warm and fuzzy and talk about my feelings. The only thing is I know that's not the real me. I have this urge to go and smash things, like take a baseball bat to a random car or something. Very immature I know. Promise I won't though.

I don't know if talking to anyone will help. I will feel like an idiot as I'm not a crying wreck or anything. Has anyone else been like this? I've read some many things that people cry and have sadness and think about babies and what could have been. But I'm not like that at all. If I'm really honest I have to actually remind myself that it really happened and don't even think of it as a baby anymore. Rereading that it actually sounds like my brain is trying to block out what has happened. Weird. I must be a bit screwed up I think.